Why I have grown to hate holidays-all of them!

Blues4U

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Until about 12-15 years ago I loved holidays--every damn one of them!

I also loved and appreciated special family days--birthdays, anniversaries, getting together with family and friends just in order to enjoy and appreciate their company-

Rather than spend 3 hours re-typing a novel that took years to unfold, I'll like a couple previous threads for those that care read up on my trials and tribulations where my oldest daughter is concerned-

Here's the first read if interested- background on the daughter-

http://www.mylespaul.com/forums/backstage/197024-confessions-husband-father-serious-content.html


Decision to GTF out of Dodge and start anew-

http://www.mylespaul.com/forums/bac...ay-my-last-day-after-22-years-same-place.html

http://www.mylespaul.com/forums/bac...-new-home-town-our-lives-changing-better.html


To sum it all up--

20 years ago this month the light of my life was born-

A beautiful baby girl, our first child--born into a home with gainfully employed parents that both loved each other and chose to have our first child and were very excited about it-

My daughter was smart as a whip--seemingly a prodigy before the age of 7-8.

He sister was born when she was 4, and things started to change a little-

At first it was looked at as sibling jealously/rivalry but after a couple years, it was obvious there was more going on-

My daughter is the queen of manipulators -- she can get two people at each other's throats in a matter of minutes--

she knows all the right buttons to push, how to get you temporarily insane (figuratively of course)

She started this crap when she was 9 or 10--she would always start crap on any family day--our family lived an hour away so we always had to load up and drive a while for any real family events outside of the house-

The turmoil would start, she would divide and conquer and my wife and I, as well as other siblings would fall into her trap-

We would arrive wherever we were going ready to explode--and the oldest would jump out of the car like everything was OK and strut into the place happy and content--meanwhile, my wife and I couldn't turn it off so easily-

virtually every family gathering was something I hated to think about attending-As I knew the shit would hit the fan--sometimes, waiting for the pending catastrophe would be worse that what actually may occur-

after years of therapy--family and otherwise-Things got worse-

EVentually, crap happened that made it necessary for my daughter (oldest) to leave our home and move in with my in laws-

Through years of this crap--and no family members believing the things we told them about our daughter's behavior, it was a huge strain on my wife and myself's personal relationship, as well as the relationship with all of my in laws and my mother-

My daughter turns 18---stops taking her meds (yes-she was diagnosed with all sorts of problems-conditions and disorders--another long ass story)

Starts rapidly going off the deep end- Eventually gets pregnant by a loser (gets pregnant on purpose--i.e. actively trying to have a child) succeeds in doing so--with the biggest loser in Indiana--20 years old--no job--never had one-no diploma-never will get one-no drivers license--never had one-doesn't see the need as long as he has the government sending him cash every month-

Anyway--Daughter is pregant-eventually burns all her bridges and ends back up at my in-laws house--they, after over 10 years have finally realized that my wife and I were not lying all these years and my daughter really does have severe mental problems- She pretends to mend fences as it suits her needs at the moment- eventually goes into the hospital to have the baby--my wife is there and the day after the baby is born-my daughter starts systematically pushing people our of her life that have been helping her--as in her mind, she no longer needs them--

The baby is born at the beginning of Dec.-My wife is there--the rest of our immediate family won't get to see the baby until Christmas when we drive up to Indiana to visit family-

My daughter is a jerk to both her siblings, not allowing them to hold or even get to know their new nephew-

The baby had already been to the hospital a couple times (welfare people take their kids to the ER--not the doctor---) and the baby is most likely on his way to a life of neglect--

Once again, my daughter used a special day for all the family to be an asshole and ruin the day for herself and her entire family-

She left in a huff, went to some friends house and is in the middle of sucking another family into her bull shit--

If I didn't have two minor kids, I would never, not ever celebrate another official Holiday---I am done being miserable and having it be sanctioned by the GOVT--:laugh2:

I have a grandson that I will most likely never get the chance to truly know-

He will be subjected to a life of poverty, sadness and anguish-

My daughter sells the crap we give her for the baby, or just leaves it somewhere-

If you give her money for necessities, it gets spent on anything but-

My mother was chatting with me on FB tonight and discussing my daughter-

Here is a synopsis of where I am at with her-Taken from a message I sent to my mother while chatting with her--

"XXXXXX is mentally ill and has been since she was ****'s age--she was on the way to being as normal as she can be and she turned 18 and everybody believed her bullcrap---she quit taking meds and has been slowly spiralling out of control and before its over--children will live a life of neglect-and sadness-All the enablers in XXXXXXX's life have helped form an opinion that she can bullshit the world and never, not ever have to be accountable for her actions--


I told %%%%% not to go to Indiana and be involved in the baby functions as I knew it was all for naught--I have predicted what is happening with startling accuracy and I for one have no interest in being around to watch her child be neglected and all the other crap that will follow---
I can't do anything about her or her situation and do not plan on doing a damn thing about it-as I know in the end, I have no control-


I have shed all the tears I plan on shedding when it comes to XXXXXX--the little girl I use to hang with, love and have fun with has long since been dead--the vile, eveil creature that lives within her body is not somebody I plan on investing another minute of my time in currently-I have no clue how to ever see my first born as a person that wants to be part of this family, as she has no desire to be--


I have not one ounce of emotion left in my body when it comes to her--even her 8 year old brother knows she is a lost cause--he has pretty much given up on trying to have a big sister--"

The above statement sound harsh--IT IS-

It is what happens to a man, a family man after over a decade of dealing with a person (child) that has no regard for any other human, including her child--

I cannot wait for the day when I feel like enjoying a Holiday-I just don't see that day being anytime in the near future-
 

River

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[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZt5Q-u4crc]Bobbie Gentry - Ode To Billie Joe - YouTube[/ame]

Gonna have to suck it up, Blues.

Sorry, but that's the way it is.
 

MineGoesTo11

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Sometimes living hours away from certain members of the family is the best thing.
 

FrankieOliver

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I haven't known a decade in five without someone like that in my family. Terri and I have not been able to have kids. That's hard. They come to us for help. I feel like Karl Wallenda quite a bit. :)
 

Kamen_Kaiju

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that sucks man, sorta sounds like antisocial personality disorder.
 

RedSkwirrell

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It's horrible and everyone here will hate that anyone has to go through this to such a degree, but at least you've moved on.
The well-being of healthy part of the family comes first.
If you don't remove the diseased part of a tree the whole tree dies.
 

StLouisBluezz

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Pics or it did't happen. Just kidding
I usually buy myself a Christmas present that that way I get want I need like a Gibson or Kimber. No big deal just be thankful for what you got.
 

SKATTERBRANE

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There is no need to include her in ANY family gathering any longer. Just because someone is family does not mean you have to put up with them once they are adults. Why put everyone else through the hell? Disown, disavow.


But your story is told that I am confused which daughter (number one or number two) is the problem. And furthermore which one is whip-smart.
 

SexyGibson

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I feel ya brother; I have a 22 year old stepdaughter that is not worth a damn and never will be.
She will not work. Every job she has had lasted only a few weeks; she will either quit or get fired for calling off. She is too concerned about partying to work.
She expects everyone else to keep her up and pay her bills because she has always been handed to without having to work for anything. She gets hand outs from her Mom, Dad, Grandmother, boys who she is " playing ", whoever will give to her.
Whenever she doesn't get " her way " she throws tantrums like a small child, even threatening to kill herself.
I have about wiped my hands of her and just about have the wife stopped giving to her but until she hits rock bottom she will never change.
 

SKATTERBRANE

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This statment leads me to think it is the number two that is the problem as the oldest is the one who acts unaffected:

"We would arrive wherever we were going ready to explode--and the oldest would jump out of the car like everything was OK and strut into the place happy and content--meanwhile, my wife and I couldn't turn it off so easily-"

This part also is written where I think it is the number two child that is the problem:

"A beautiful baby girl, our first child--born into a home with gainfully employed parents that both loved each other and chose to have our first child and were very excited about it-

My daughter was smart as a whip--seemingly a prodigy before the age of 7-8.

He sister was born when she was 4, and things started to change a little-

At first it was looked at as sibling jealously/rivalry but after a couple years, it was obvious there was more going on-

My daughter is the queen of manipulators -- she can get two people at each other's throats in a matter of minutes--

she knows all the right buttons to push, how to get you temporarily insane (figuratively of course)

She started this crap when she was 9 or 10--she would always start crap on any family day--our family lived an hour away so we always had to load up and drive a while for any real family events outside of the house-"

This made me think the daughter that was normal left to get away:
"EVentually, crap happened that made it necessary for my daughter (oldest) to leave our home and move in with my in laws-"

Because you did not mention anyone believing you until this:
"they, after over 10 years have finally realized that my wife and I were not lying all these years and my daughter really does have severe mental problems-" Where If it were the sick one that moved in with the inlaws, I would think it would only take a short while before they believed you.

But then this part seems like it is the number one who has the problems:

"I have no clue how to ever see my first born as a person that wants to be part of this family, as she has no desire to be--"
 

tazzboy

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This statment leads me to think it is the number two that is the problem as the oldest is the one who acts unaffected:

"We would arrive wherever we were going ready to explode--and the oldest would jump out of the car like everything was OK and strut into the place happy and content--meanwhile, my wife and I couldn't turn it off so easily-"

This part also is written where I think it is the number two child that is the problem:

"A beautiful baby girl, our first child--born into a home with gainfully employed parents that both loved each other and chose to have our first child and were very excited about it-

My daughter was smart as a whip--seemingly a prodigy before the age of 7-8.

He sister was born when she was 4, and things started to change a little-

At first it was looked at as sibling jealously/rivalry but after a couple years, it was obvious there was more going on-

My daughter is the queen of manipulators -- she can get two people at each other's throats in a matter of minutes--

she knows all the right buttons to push, how to get you temporarily insane (figuratively of course)

She started this crap when she was 9 or 10--she would always start crap on any family day--our family lived an hour away so we always had to load up and drive a while for any real family events outside of the house-"

This made me think the daughter that was normal left to get away:
"EVentually, crap happened that made it necessary for my daughter (oldest) to leave our home and move in with my in laws-"

Because you did not mention anyone believing you until this:
"they, after over 10 years have finally realized that my wife and I were not lying all these years and my daughter really does have severe mental problems-" Where If it were the sick one that moved in with the inlaws, I would think it would only take a short while before they believed you.

But then this part seems like it is the number one who has the problems:

"I have no clue how to ever see my first born as a person that wants to be part of this family, as she has no desire to be--"


No it's his oldest daughter.
 

michaelinokc

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I've got a similar story, and after years of conflict with my ex and her husband, the truth finally reared it head when she treated her stepfather the same way. But there is no way I'll let a malcontent brat of a 19 year old fvck up more of my life than she already has. Holidays are my rebellion and I'm grateful for them.
 

CenCalPlayer

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My second youngest sister is the six fries short of a Happy Meal member of our family. My parents have done everything any parents could do to make things better, as have the rest of us siblings, but we all had to come to grips with the fact that you can't deal with crazy, and then DON'T deal with it any longer....Blues, feel for you but that might be where you have to get to in the long run....makes life and holidays a lot nicer, this is from first had experience....best of luck to you and your family.
 

D-POLAND

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well, just a thought! the grand child WILL at some point see what you have seen too!so to whatever extent you can have some interaction with them, go for it they will appreciate it especially having to grow up around such STUFF!
This stuff is everywhere man. do what you can and keep your sanity.
 

barricwiley

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Family's always look so good in pictures.

I have never lived closer than an 8 hour drive from family, and, they look SO good in pictures.
 

dave b

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I got a big SAD reading this. My condolences, Blues. I really can't imagine...
 

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