When all your ex-gfs have gotten married

[James Carney]

So, it's one thing when all your friends (and ex-friends) have gotten married. But it's quite another when all your ex-gfs have gotten married.

I just found out the gf I dated for five years from '04-09 got married. They were engaged after dating one year, and married one year after that.

The girl I dated for a few months after that was married a year after we broke up - to a guy who asked her out days after we broke up. And then they had a kid a year after that.

The girl between those two I was with briefly got married last summer.

And the one in my early 20s got married a few years back and has a kid.

Now I don't want a kid (this was a major bone with one of them), but I certainly want to get married. I can't help but feel like some kind of "who not to be with" phase of these people's lives. I haven't been with anyone in five years, and not for lack of trying. This probably sounds like some pathetic Cathy comic strip mope, but it has really messed me up.

I guess I just want to hear from some brothers who found happiness even after all the ex-gfs got married.

 

[Caleb]

You seriously can't sweat this kind of thing. Exes are like towns that do nothing for you anymore, they should be put squarely in the rear view mirror because you Can Never Go Home Again, as is said. When I was 22 my then-girlfriend dumped me for her college professor ten years our senior. Married him in like a year. At the time it rubbed me the wrong way, but now? I have no idea if they're still married, have kids, or had a nasty divorce. Not my business, I have my own life going on. Frankly, as bad as this sounds, I don't even know with absolute certainty if both of them are even still alive.

That's just one example, but like most people I have plenty of exes. Just keep going forward, dude. If you're not having luck with the ladies, maybe looking other places might be in order. Me? Since adulthood, every girl I ever met that I ended up dating I met in a bar. Most people will probably tell you that's not the way to go, but what can I say, I'm a barbarian that way. I know the whole online thing has worked for a lot of people. Chin up brother, and like I say just keep going forward. Pining over exes has absolutley zero upside.

 

[artis_xe]

I'm with the same woman for 17 years __ met her when I was 30

my motto ( for exes ) has always been to wish for the best for them , even when I can only assume the worst . I know quite a few of them got married and divorced over the years __ some of them with children . I don't keep in touch with any of them though

Caleb gave very good advice . Just keep moving forward . even knowing what they're up to , has nothing to do with you

 

[Caleb]

I'm with the same woman for 17 years __ met her when I was 30

my motto ( for exes ) has always been to wish for the best for them , even when I can only assume the worst . I know quite a few of them got married and divorced over the years __ some of them with children . I don't keep in touch with any of them though

Caleb gave very good advice . Just keep moving forward . even knowing what they're up to , has nothing to do with you

You make a good point. The healthiest thing to do is wish them the best and move on. Bear no ill will. I wish all of my exes and whoever they're with all the happiness in the world. Holding a grudge would serve no point. I'm also not in contact with any of them. Keep the past in the past.

 

[James Carney]

I have a problem with "hanging onto my pain, as if it means something":

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0EcNdM79sA&safe=active]Six Feet Under - Untitled - YouTube[/ame]

 

[SGeoff]

i'm 60 now, but when i hear an ex just got married, i'm like-Whewww-dodged THATbullet....
as suggested, chin up and move forward

 

[Deus Vult]

 

[Deus Vult]

btw man, i'm just messing with you. You don't want to get married. Trust me.

A couple of people I know gave up sex for lent. I gave it up for marriage.

If I could do it all over again, I'd have never asked her out.

 

[Tone deaf]

Good news, they are all someone else's problem, now...

Get yourself healthy and the other stuff will fall into place (with some effort). Add a wife and kids to your current predicament and you'll be writing new chapters on miserable.

You know the saying "The grass is always greener..." Well, break out the fertilizer and turn it on its head.

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

"When all your ex-gfs have gotten married...

...you have dodged some bullets."

So rejoice and be merry.

I have a problem with "hanging onto my pain, as if it means something":

write songs

 

[Tone deaf]

My mom said something interesting this past weekend. It was something to the effect that you spend the first 50 years of your life doing what society tells you you're supposed to do and then, after 50, you start to figure out who you are.

Well, I guess I am looking forward to figuring out who I am (in several...OK, a couple....next...year).

 

[Caleb]

be merry.

Pun intended?

 

[Tone deaf]

Originally Posted by Death Incarnate
I have a problem with "hanging onto my pain, as if it means something":

write songs

One of the major reason my song writing skills suck. I'm like the guy in Memento, I forget pain like forgetting to pick up a loaf of bread at the store (I'm not sure that it is a good thing). If I 'need' to hold a grudge, I have to manufacture a mental 'construct' about that person because, I don't usually hang onto the animus for very long. I usually just write them (only applies to non-family) out of my life and forget about them.

 

[HenryHill]

The No Kids thing is sure to put them off. Some may find they can't have them anyway, but saying you don't will surely put off most of childbearing age.

That is to be expected.

You have also dodged paying for that little choice, and then paying for them until their 18th birthday, when said wife decides that she likes someone else and/or their money more. 50% chance in that.

You are feeling for the ones you let slip away, and I am still waiting for karma to deal with the ones I gave each 15 years to that fvcked me over.

No guarantees on anything in life.

You take your best shot, and it's mostly out of your hands.

But keep your end up of the deal up, and whatever happens happens.


Now I'm in the same boat as you; I don't want to deal with her kids, so I'm limiting myself to those that have kids that aren't gonna be a drain on us as a couple.

It's amazing how many mom's are still coddling their grown kids and doing shit for them all the time money wise, or living arrangement wise, or baby sitting their kids all the time.

I want a companion, not a care agency.

Ya know?

 

[Dilemma]

all the ex-gfs got married.

Never really cared. I figured, there's a reason they're my ex. My practice wife got married less than a year after we got divorced, didn't care about that either.

I've been with my current wife 15 years. This time I chose a little better. (and I've never came home from work and found her getting porked in ass, so there's always that )

 

[Dilemma]

The problem here is that you have some awareness of the goings - on of your ex-girlfriends.

How's that even possible?

Truth. I haven't laid eyes on my ex since the divorce was final in '97. We didn't have kids so there's no reason to. Chick smashed one of my Kramer guitars too. Trollop.

The past belongs in the past. And shit.

 

[James Carney]

The problem here is that you have some awareness of the goings - on of your ex-girlfriends.

How's that even possible?

The interwebs. I'm usually good about resisting the urge to cyberstalk and not think about those people. But eventually one day I'm weak and depressed, or drunk late at night, and look them up. I always find out the things years after they happen.

 

[Dilemma]

But eventually one day I'm weak and depressed, or drunk late at night, and look them up. I always find out the things years after they happen.

As far as policies go? That's a bad one brother.

 

[SGeoff]

well, lets be honest. when you have expectations and they get dashed, or feelings of love that get crushed, its normal to feel it, and it does hurt. but you learn from the experience, pick yourself up and brush yourself off and get on with your self. some people do seem to be able to let go of the bad stuff easier and move on, but that comes with life experience. once you have done it a couple times you realize you are only holding your own self back by holding onto the pain. Some folks do write some killer music when they've been crushed, as Malikon observed, & thats one way of using this experience in a positive or catharctic way, and move on

 

[James Carney]

I have no problem tapping into my pain and writing songs about it. I've written over 100 in the past ten years for seven albums.

But actually, I think my songs have often been open sores instead of scar tissue. I believe this has been more damaging at times, because of my focus on the downer side of things.

After finishing mixing this last album, I really want to move away from "melancholic alternative rock" and something more industrial meets dark wave.