What would you do

Dolebludger

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Now we live in the Colorado mountains, which is where my wife has always wanted to live. But there is a historic area of Tulsa Ok where I have always wanted to live. I was checking values here and there, and was shocked by what I found. Home values have been going up so much here that I could buy my dream in historic Tulsa of twice the size, sell ours, and have a bunch of pocket cash. I told my wife about what I had found, and the asking price. She said “fly down there and buy it if you want. We can have a winter house if you want”. Now, problem is, I don’t want to have two houses. That is always a PIA. So I would like to sell the mountain home near Durango Co (like ones that are on market no longer than a fart in a whirlwind) and move to my dream home in historic TuLsa. Now that idea bums my wife out. Now all here know how much I respect my wife who has helped dragging me out from being nearly broke to the point where I could write a check for the the Tulsa house, if I wanted to do so. She does not want to live full time in Tulsa, and I do not want to have two houses. What the hell should I do? I want to respect my wife’s feelings about living in the Colorado mountains. But the house in Tulsa was over twice the size, plus a pool and a guest house, and was much less than the value of our house now. Just want opinions on what, if anything,,I should do. It seems that her desire to live in the Colorado mountains (where we are now) is as strong as my desire to live in a certain historical part of Tuksa, Ok,
 

Side Burns

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Idk, what’s worse. Looking at the disappointment in the mirror or the look of disappointment on your wife.

The problem is the disappointment may turn into resentment on the wife's part.

Maybe just vacation down there often. Idk what do i know.
 
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PapaSquash

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Tough one. If it were my call (and I know it isn't )

I'd lean towards staying unless I was really unhappy in Colorado. Mostly on the principle that if it isn't broke don't fix it. If you can both be happy in Durango and you KNOW your wife won't be happy in Tulsa, then happy in Durango is the easy call. Happy wife, happy life is a cliché but there's something to it.

The other factor is people. I like where I am because I have people to make music with, and a few solid friends. My wife has a pretty extensive circle of friends that matter to her. So cost of living, business climate, and the fact that it's freaking Siberia here don't carry as much weight as they otherwise might. Good people make your life nicer. If I up and move I'd need a new set of bandmates and friends. I might be too old to start over.

Personally I like Tulsa, more so than I expected. My daughter sang at a church south of Woodward Park a couple of years ago when they put in a new organ, and the area was very appealing. On the other hand the mountain west is gorgeous, I could see liking it there just for the beauty. Neither would suck, so If it were me, I'd let my wife decide.

But you aren't me and I don't have a dream house there either.
 

sonar1

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Chasing after “I always wanted to,” has not worked out for me.
I think it’ll be a certain reality, but expectations are just pre-meditated resentments for me, largely.

If I wait, the real solution to my desire will present itself in a way that doesn’t clash with my close loved ones.
Doesn’t mean I stay tied to the dock. My rudder only works when I’m under way. But I keep my eyes open for the real solution while I find out.

Most things seem like double edged swords. If I watch my back swing, nobody gets hurt.

That said, I moved this year to be closer to family and it couldn’t have worked out better. And I still own the house I moved from.
 
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bad565ss

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Unless your wife visits Tulsa and falls in love with it I
wouldn't sell the Colorado home. You both need to be on the same page with such a big decision or it will lead to troubles IMHO.
 

SteveC

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You know what you need to do, Dole.

At this point in your life, how many of the things that you have "always wanted to do" and yet, didn't do - really matter. This, to me, sounds like just another "it would have been nice, but" item over which you simply smile and forget, as you and your bride enjoy your lives in the home that you both made together... in CO.

Without going into details, trust me when I say, houses are just buildings that contain stuff that does not define you. A home is where your life, love and memories are made and kept.
 

Subterfuge

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you are adamant that you do not want to own two houses .. I agree .... and you're wife is adamant that she will not uproot and move to Tulsa permanently ..... it seems like a stalemate to me .... I don't see any easy solution .. there are things I'd like to do but unless I dump my wife and half of my net worth in the process they probably ain't going to happen in this lifetime ... such is marriage, such is life ...
 

Olds442

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Tulsa? or living in the mountains of Colorado?

i can't see there being any big draw towards Tulsa that couldn't be stymied in a long weekend. :dunno:
 

rcole_sooner

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Sounds like you gonna have 2 homes.

Or like we are doing ... temporarily renting in OKC to see if we can stand apt/condo living which will open up our choices when do decide to buy a retirement property or 2.

Angela was big on Austin ... still is ... but it seems Galveston is back in the choice list just downtown not on the beach. Which now sounds good to me since I am really enjoying living in downtown OKC.
 

ehb

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Simple.

Sell the home in the hills.

Move to new digs. Remodel guest house like a fancy ass hotel from hell...with full bar, spa room, etc..

Live in the big house and spend wild drunk & nekkid long party weekends in the guest house...

Done.
 

redcoats1976

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rent a nice house in tulsa for the two nicest months of the year in that location.stay in colorado for the seasons you prefer there.that way you are not keeping up two houses which would be a PIA,and you have both made a small compromise.if your wife says she doesnt mind living in tulsa for more than two months,thats a bonus.
 

rabidhamster

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Sounds like you gonna have 2 homes.

Or like we are doing ... temporarily renting in OKC to see if we can stand apt/condo living which will open up our choices when do decide to buy a retirement property or 2.

Angela was big on Austin ... still is ... but it seems Galveston is back in the choice list just downtown not on the beach. Which now sounds good to me since I am really enjoying living in downtown OKC.
Galveston you have to worry about flooding constantly. Constantly.
Now we live in the Colorado mountains, which is where my wife has always wanted to live. But there is a historic area of Tulsa Ok where I have always wanted to live. I was checking values here and there, and was shocked by what I found. Home values have been going up so much here that I could buy my dream in historic Tulsa of twice the size, sell ours, and have a bunch of pocket cash. I told my wife about what I had found, and the asking price. She said “fly down there and buy it if you want. We can have a winter house if you want”. Now, problem is, I don’t want to have two houses. That is always a PIA. So I would like to sell the mountain home near Durango Co (like ones that are on market no longer than a fart in a whirlwind) and move to my dream home in historic TuLsa. Now that idea bums my wife out. Now all here know how much I respect my wife who has helped dragging me out from being nearly broke to the point where I could write a check for the the Tulsa house, if I wanted to do so. She does not want to live full time in Tulsa, and I do not want to have two houses. What the hell should I do? I want to respect my wife’s feelings about living in the Colorado mountains. But the house in Tulsa was over twice the size, plus a pool and a guest house, and was much less than the value of our house now. Just want opinions on what, if anything,,I should do. It seems that her desire to live in the Colorado mountains (where we are now) is as strong as my desire to live in a certain historical part of Tuksa, Ok,
It’s really easy. You credited your wife with being the reason you’re not broke. She’s the reason you can afford to live in one house let alone two. So she gets to pick where that is.

You want to live in a different state - do you know anyone there? Does she know anyone there?
It sounds like she offered a compromise. Is “owning two homes” a bigger pain in the ass that making your wife live somewhere she would be unhappy?

If you have enough money to write a check for another house purely for your personal enjoyment, you have enough money to pay a property management company to take care of it all for you.

The cost of a house is irrelevant if you don’t want to make your home where it’s located. “Historic Tulsa” vs “rich neighborhood in Colorado mountains”. I don’t know man “Historic Tulsa” just makes me laugh.
 

cybermgk

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As presented, it appears, either divorce or you stay in Colorado. Either you have to change your mind about 2 houses, or she has to be convinced to move.

NO ONE here will know how to do either, better than you.

Only suggestion can make is a vacation for you and her to area of Tulsa. Perhaps that opens her eyes.

Beyond that, I don't know her at all, and thus what might convince her. Would data on issues with where you are at work? If so, of what nature? What concerns her, crime, politics?

See the conundrum for us on giving advice?
 

Lungo

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If money isn’t an issue then buy the second home. Spend time at each. You both get what you want. The inconvenience of owning a 2nd home is minor compared to encouraging your wife to leave her dream home.
 

KSG_Standard

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Personally, I can't grasp the idea of leaving Durango for Tulsa. Durango is beautiful...surrounded by mountains and incredible scenery and stuff to do...and Western sensibilities Tulsa is in Oklahoma...and too damn close to Arkansas. I left Colorado for Texas in 2005, it was a terrible mistake and we'll be back in Colorado as soon as I retire.
 

pnuggett

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When I think of Tulsa and history it ain't pretty.
 


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