What Was Your Worst Gig and Why?

[Tim Fezziwig]

FEZZband #1 was leaking 10w30 all over the Dugout Sports Bar stage. The monthly Battle Of the Bands and we had no Rich Mama-or daddy-----or friends------to "prop us up."

The 74 Custom was "primed"----The Dual Showman was creaking---

"Flesh----eater---coming <<,<,,<,,<<,,into Tawwwwwwnnn ---toniiiiiiiiiiigggghhhhhhhhhhtttt
F-------ppoooooppplllllee---ppllllzzzzz-------

Shut-down mid-song again. FEZZband #1 was shut down 8 times in the last month---we only had 8 gigs that month...............

The cross-eyed Ginger Baker behind the skins threw his sticks against the wall. My bassist, Lurch-all 6 ft 7 of him was laughing into his soul------I took off my Casper the Ghost mask and yelled into the bar---

"WHAT? WE DIDN'T WIN?"

The soundguy came out of the fuggggggggggggggggggg

"FEZZ I love you, you know this........but----THE MAN wants you offa---the---stage-----aaaaaaahhhhhh."
"OK,,,,,PETER PIPE.,,,,,,,,,,, Can I have a triple Absolut?"
"Sure FEZZ."

I packed up. My band walked out into the night to smoke.
PETER PIPE handed me my triple,
"Here FEZZ, and call this place, they will "get" you."
The Del Haven Wilmington De----1-876-453- PUNK

I limped outside. The R section stood smoking Bob Marley.
"Guys, no more shut-downs. I have found an Oasis."

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I called The Del Haven.
"Hi this is FEZZ."
"Come down Saturday. Drop off a tape."

We drove down I-95.
We gave SMOKEY our tape. He put it on. LSD <Mind Control> started roiling-riffing----out of the speakers.

"Damn, you guys sound like Black Flag, drinks all night on me ."

YES! FEZZband #1 was not washed-wiped-criped-diped

We drank. I got the WILLOW. I handed out cassettes. Two 43 year-old vamps hung on my every joke.We ended up sleeping in the van that night. We got a gig . We would take The Del Haven to school in three weeks.

We drove down a week before the gig. We walked in . FEZZ was playing on the speakers!!!!!!
The DJ cut the music--
"FEZZ is here.........buy them drinks."

They did. We slept in the van again
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The night of the gig my drummer had the flu. My bassist was "tired." I was READY.
We did a soundcheck.
The best soundcheck EVER.'
An old weezer wino woke up. He lifted his head,

"Holy Huck. You guys are better than Grand Funk!
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The soundcheck was all we had. My drummer drank a whole bottle of Nyquil. He chased it with Bud. My bassist left for a taco. He did not return until the drummer and I were jamming Monkey Man-our 3rd song! The drummer was slobbered. He could barely keep a beat. I broke a string on my 74 Custom- I put on my 86 Sg which was tuned "sour."

We played for 13 more minutes. We were terrible. My drummer left the stage and puked in the alley. My bassist and I told several jokes.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

SMOKEY. came onstage.
"The Del Haven was damn lucky to have FEZZ tonight. WHAT A SHOW!"
43 people clapped. Many drinks appeared. We found the Ginger Puker in the bathroom. We carried him out to the van. Lurch and I drank until we were blind.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We slept in the van that night. We drove home----listening to Exile on Main-----we knew-----WE STUNK------we were jokes-------------the next week FEZZband #1 died a quiet death------I loaded up my amp+props+Casper mask and locked the storage unit........................

I "rested" for 14 years...........then I started FEZZband #2<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

 

[Fritz]

I've gigged a lot of places from small to large. I'll spare you's the stories, but there were two gigs where absolutely not one thing went right. Train wrecks. And we were a band that had gigged twice a week for nearly 2 years. Sometimes the whole thing just goes down the old crapper and you just have to get through it.

 

[dave b]

Did it pay well at least?

We're a hobby band. Do it all for fun. One paying gig in 22 years