Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents

Kamen_Kaiju

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BENTONVILLE, AR—In a bold move intended to curb the thousands of deaths from vehicles each and every day, Walmart has decided to stop selling auto parts, sources confirmed Tuesday.

According to shocking reports, people have purchased car parts at Walmart and then those cars have been involved in accidents, proving a direct correlation between selling auto parts and causing deaths.
"We can no longer be complicit in an industry that kills over 3,000 people a day," said a spokesperson for Walmart. "Every time we sell a muffler, steering wheel cover, or flame decal, we are potentially causing the death of a person, and we cannot support that any longer."
"It's clear that bad drivers and poor road conditions don't cause vehicular deaths---cars do."
Walmart executives said they are beating themselves with a stick to atone for the deaths they've already caused.
"Our consciences will only be clean when we've been mercilessly beaten once for each of the millions of deaths that have been caused by automobiles since Walmart began selling auto parts," said one executive before solemnly beginning to beat himself with a baseball bat.




:D ;)
 

PeteK

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Ha! Almost believable. Except the Waltons seem like the kind of creepy rich people that would be sacrificing babies at those weird Bilderburg meetings Alex Jones is always ranting about. I could never believe they would actually care about the peasants dying.
 

Kamen_Kaiju

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Ha! Almost believable. Except the Waltons seem like the kind of creepy rich people that would be sacrificing babies at those weird Bilderburg meetings Alex Jones is always ranting about. I could never believe they would actually care about the peasants dying.

truth.

They probably have a private batting cage that spits out undocumented babies to swing at. :laugh2:
 

Dun Ringill

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BENTONVILLE, AR—In a bold move intended to curb the thousands of deaths from vehicles each and every day, Walmart has decided to stop selling auto parts, sources confirmed Tuesday.

According to shocking reports, people have purchased car parts at Walmart and then those cars have been involved in accidents, proving a direct correlation between selling auto parts and causing deaths.
"We can no longer be complicit in an industry that kills over 3,000 people a day," said a spokesperson for Walmart. "Every time we sell a muffler, steering wheel cover, or flame decal, we are potentially causing the death of a person, and we cannot support that any longer."
"It's clear that bad drivers and poor road conditions don't cause vehicular deaths---cars do."
Walmart executives said they are beating themselves with a stick to atone for the deaths they've already caused.
"Our consciences will only be clean when we've been mercilessly beaten once for each of the millions of deaths that have been caused by automobiles since Walmart began selling auto parts," said one executive before solemnly beginning to beat himself with a baseball bat.




:D ;)
Babylon Bee is the shit!! I think it is funny when they get 'fact checked' by snopes and such!
 

dissaffected

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Ha! Almost believable. Except the Waltons seem like the kind of creepy rich people that would be sacrificing babies at those weird Bilderburg meetings Alex Jones is always ranting about. I could never believe they would actually care about the peasants dying.
truth.

They probably have a private batting cage that spits out undocumented babies to swing at. :laugh2:
Richist
 

Bytor1958

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They should stop selling alcohol because of drunk drivers.

Food because of obesity.

Toys because of pedophiles.

Ammo because of Walmart shootings.

And so On.
 

Dun Ringill

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If WalMart wanted to stop selling products that lead to the deaths of the most Americans, they would start in these isles:

Walmart-Soda.jpg

34626b5ab7ba137e438677deb61871de.jpg

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Agreed!! Carbs are SATAN!!
 

Tim Plains

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See, if you're smart, you'll go to Auto Zone to buy a muffler, get in a crash afterwards, and then sue Walmart for causing you to go elsewhere citing their decision to stop selling auto parts was a direct contributor to the collision.
 

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