Voicemail messages

[Harmony]

Has anyone had or got a funny voicemail messages they recorded on their phone? Or have you come across a good one that you heard when leaving a message for someone else?

I had some funny ones in the past but now just leave it to the robot or whoever. Thinking of changing it again to something funny.

So, any cool ones anyone had or heard?

 

[LPMarshall Hack]

 

[Harmony]

That would be annoying

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

please stay on the line, your call is important to us.
All our operators are currently busy assisting other callers.
If you'd like to leave your message in English, press 1
Si desea dejar su mensaje en español, presione 2

 

[Marshall & Moonshine]

You know all the dopey things I write on here?
I leave that kind of thing on voicemails all the time.
Once I was al old Brooklyn Jewish mother named Maxine, and I was very disappointed that my son (my friend) wasn’t coming over for dinner. It was a super long message, my wife was dying laughing.

 

[S. Rock]

"but now just leave it to the robot or whoever."

yep. I can barely answer my phone much less change the answering message.

 

[LtDave32]

Has anyone had or got a funny voicemail messages they recorded on their phone? Or have you come across a good one that you heard when leaving a message for someone else?

I had some funny ones in the past but now just leave it to the robot or whoever. Thinking of changing it again to something funny.

So, any cool ones anyone had or heard?

Whenever I call Victor and it goes to message, I get this Brooklyn-ese chick right out of Laverne and Shirley.

Who's plot was based in Milwaukee, but spoke with a Brooklyn accent.

"Yoah coll has bin fahwaded"..

 

[ReWind James]

I have a voicemail message that is so long only those who wish to seriously convey a message to me will wait it out for the beep. ...and every one who does gets a call back.

I get nearly NO spam calls and have had my number published all over the internet for nearly a decade. Seems to be a working system. I do get a number of wrong numbers though, having a DC area code. I might have to change that one day.

 

[PeteK]

I sort of miss traditional answering machines. It was nice being able to screen a call and listen to the message as it was being recorded. I swear with all the advancements in phone technology, it takes like 5 minutes to get to message #1 in my voicemail because that damn robot lady talks so friggin slow! It should take like 5 seconds tops bit i have to listen to "message......1.........recieved......today at.....4........13......pm........duration........13.......seconds". FFS LADY SPEED IT UP!

 

[RichBrew]

Has anyone had or got a funny voicemail messages they recorded on their phone? ...

Dunno, I've never listened to the ones I have.

 

[MooCheng]

hello ni bahn maa hoy rabert, kun tonggahn arry na ka

that gets rid of the spam

 

[electric head]

I had one for a long time where I would record a "hello"
and then let it pause and people would think I actually answered and start talking
then I would chuckle and say "you actually think I would answer this phone?"
"Leave a message"..

People pretty much stopped calling me..

 

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'm boring. I let the robot lady handle things.

 

[Roberteaux]

I had this friend of 25 years who ended up drinking himself to death.

A few months before he passed away, he was incredibly far gone... really, really nutty.

On the way down and close to the bottom, he had decided that he was an ordained cleric of some sort, and began to refer to himself as "Father John". He'd said such things in my presence when I went to visit him in the hospital, and spoke of a following he had. Some of his claims were absolutely outrageous-- like when he told me that he was about to buy the St. Louis Cathedral of New Orleans to serve as his church-- but I knew better than to try and confront him with the delusional nature of his ideations.

No point to it. He was out there far enough that there was no reeling him in... it was very sad. But since I had already dealt extensively with my mom as she suffered from dementia prior to her death, I was kind of an old hand at this sort of thing and so just rolled with it.

So one time I called the guy and got a voicemail message that he'd recorded. It was really, really weird. He had this creepy, funereal-sounding-- but infinitely cheesy-- electric keyboard music going in the background. The music sounded like it was played on something you'd find in the children's toys section of Walmart and which cost about twelve bucks. The composition was all single notes about two octaves above middle C-- high-pitched and warbly, loaded up with a churchy-sounding scale.

It was simultaneously doleful and corny as hell-- the sort of music you'd expect to hear at the funeral of a hamster.

And while that shit was going on in the background, his voice came on as a dulcet baritone, assuring the caller in a suave, ministerial kind of way that he, Father John, was currently "tending to the spiritual guidance of another member of the flock". He went on to inform the caller that he would "hasten to address their ecclesiastical needs" the instant that he was able to do so.

This was a man who had ingested nothing but 7-11 nachos, hot dogs, and cheap vodka for the previous year or so, who was on the short sidewalk leading from the street to death's doorstep.

Until I heard that voicemail message it would have been hard for me to imagine an emotional sensation composed of equal parts of irony and poignancy, but somehow this Father John schtick of his managed to push a button in me that I didn't even know existed.

And while I was dealing with all that, at the very end of this inspirational voicemail message of his, he began singing, "Hold On, I'm Coming", scat-singing the saxophone parts of the chorus. This wouldn't have come across well by itself, but even as he sang the old Sam and Dave tune, the churchy hamster music was still droning in the background. The result was a distinctly unpleasant sonic train wreck. The cacophony of it was madness itself.

Man... that was some truly demented shit...

--R

 

[Frogfur]

Mine goes like this:
We can't come to the phone right now, so leave your name, your number, and a message. And if we like it..we'll call ya back.

Simple and effective

 

[HeartString]

Has anyone had or got a funny voicemail messages they recorded on their phone? Or have you come across a good one that you heard when leaving a message for someone else?

I had some funny ones in the past but now just leave it to the robot or whoever. Thinking of changing it again to something funny.

So, any cool ones anyone had or heard?

I had a really cool one that has become legend with my friends from back in the mid 80's. I used I used a small black 70's tape recorder w/ piano key controls and recorder a few funny messages to me that my friends had left in my message cue.

One was a message from my best friends fiance that went; Ken, Rick, where are you? You better not be at Burger King! Call me back!

The next message I recorded was from another friend that said something funny I can't remember and the third was another funny one.

So, with these three stored in the order I wanted them to play in.

Then I composed the out going message to sound like a radio personality with a show called "What's your Beef"

I started the outbound saying. This is WMUR with "What's you Beef" you're on the air! Then I played back my friend's fiance's message and stopped it before the second message played and spoke " Must be a wrong number" "Next" and so on. I'm sure you get the drift of it.

Then I called Rick and a few other people who called me to listen to it and they cracked up. Unfortunately, my friend's fiance was one who heard it and she called me back and told me to take it down this minute. Lol, she was pissed. It was so good we still talk about it today when ever we get together.

It was only heard by 5 or 6 people and it only lived for 30 minutes but it was a gem Love those guys!!

 

[RedSkwirrell]

Kinda related and sooooo worth reposting in case someone hasn't heard it yet.
How to deal with telemarketers.

 

[Dilemma]

Maybe it's a trend now that smart phones are so prolific but I don't get that many messages. I get a lot of missed call notifications however.

 

[Bigfoot410]

The last one I got was a woman saying I was going to jail for unpaid debt. She didn't say when they were coming to get me though. Still waiting.

I apparently need to call them back to avoid prosecution. I'm gonna call back and have some fun with them when I feel the mood. I think I'll be my game persona "Joe Friday" when I call. If I could only shoot them through the phone I would. Jackass scammers!

 

[Tone deaf]

Wait, you can listen to voicemail? Huh, who knew?

If you leave a voicemail message for me, you can be assured of one thing, I will almost certainly never hear it. In fact, at one point, while I was still married, my ex asked me to put that message on the recording (i.e. "Please don't leave me a message, I won't listen to it. Call back and I will screen your caller ID, maybe I will answer your call next time."). She learned long, long ago, I can see the missed call, if you are important, you get a call back. She has not left me a voice message in nearly 20 years. I sometimes call her back...