My caregiving days are over

KP11520

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Congratulations AND I'm so so sorry! In equal amounts!

I can only imagine the angst it took to get here and it will continue for a while too!

In case you have any doubts, you ARE and excellent son!
 

mtgguitar

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My mom made me and my brothers promise not to send her to a 'home.' We told her we would only do that if a doctor determined it was necessary.

You're a good man dano.
 

danohat

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My mom made me and my brothers promise not to send her to a 'home.' We told her we would only do that if a doctor determined it was necessary.

You're a good man dano.
In the last two months we've had 3 doctors and our elder care attorney as well as her best friend tell us it's way past time. Always hoped it wouldn't come to this but always knew it would.
 

SteveC

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Sorry to hear this. While not anywhere near as bad, we went though a similar situation with my wife's mom. In the end, it's just sad, no matter what. It's harder on the survivors. I hope that you can forgive yourselves. It's not your fault. It took us a long time. Wishing it's sooner for you and your wife.

You did more than you may ever know and you should take solace in that.
 

Bud Stoner

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That's a tough road when you're a caregiver.

Major props and respect to you and your sacrifice. :cheers:

Now, I hope you and the wife can get some rest and do some self care for the both of you. You truly deserve it, as does anyone who is/was in your situation.

God bless!
 

defcrew

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Every day heroes surround us and we are oblivious. Spent this past weekend w my parents--both 85 and independent. I hope my ass will cash the check my mind writes thinking of the future. 16 years. You're a son anyone would pray for. Best of luck going forward.
 

redjunior

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Dano, major props to you and your family... Did the same for my folks in my 30's. They did the same for theirs when I was a kid... No kids myself so It's the wife and I.. Hope we are up to it..
 

Nard

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You’ve done more than some people would in the same situation and I’m speaking from experience. My mother-in-law was put into care and there was nothing we could do about it but in the end we knew it was the right thing. My best wishes and thoughts to you and your family.
 

Uncle Remus

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You are a good man dano. My family just chucks people into the home the minute that they see anything burdening them. I have watched it with my grandfather then grandmother. I pray that I have the strength to do what you have done when the time comes.
 

Ermghoti

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Bery sorry to hear all that. Of my grandparents, only my father's mother lingered enough to require aid outside the home, cancer and dementia took her to a point that my father told us not to visit any more for the last few months. My mother's mother was bedridden from a couple varieties of chronic pain, but otherwise in good health until the last couple of weeks. My grandfathers went pretty quickly.

I didn't have to take nearly the responsibilities you did, major respect.
 

matthew bear

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Sorry to hear Dano, Sounds like you had a real long run of selfless care... props to you for having what it takes to do that!

My grandmother had dementia, and it was horrible... she was such a wonderful lady!
I truly hope you have many, many wonderful ,lucid times with your mother moving forward.
 

SixAngryStrings

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I can’t even imagine what a tough situation that was, and a tough decision that was to make. All the best to you and yours bro!
 

Bobby Mahogany

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I was not the primary care taker but I have gone through that situation
where you have to realize that the best you can do is to "delegate" care of a loved one
to a facility that is equipped, both in technologies and professional people
that know how to without having their hearts torn up every day.

You've done all you could for your father and mother,
now you yourself, your wife and kids need you.
:thumb:
 

Craig Sock

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My dad broke his neck and became a quadriplegic on a vent in 2003. We shared duties giving him 24-7 care at home until Oct of 2009. My mom was never right after the accident. Immediately she began showing signs of dementia. In 2012 we started taking her to a neurologist. She had early onset Alzheimer's. We sold our house, her house, and bought a new one with more space. She has been living with me for about 5 years. One year we drove back and forth several times a day while she still lived alone.
Recently she began having very frequent seizures and required one of us with her at all times. I have a 6 and 8 year old daughter. I always promised my wife that when it became unreasonable we'd get mom somewhere. That happened today.
My experience with caregiving for a parent ended and I didn't know what to do with myself. It was pretty all-consuming.
It was just short of 3 years; I can't imagine doing it for longer. Your parents were most fortunate to have you.
Take your rest now.
 

meatball

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My friend ,, My wife and I just got thru in November takin care of my Mother in law aftet she had a major Stroke ,, it was a privilege to do it too,, I still miss her. I know what you are going thru ,, Its a job in itself ,,, My wife had to full time retire from work to do it ,, Unless you are in that situation , its hard to explain what its like to do it ,,, you basically give up about all of your free time. . I was fortunate that my wife was there when I was playing gigs out of town .. My best to you sir !
 

danohat

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I just woke my kids up for school for the first time ever by yelling up the stairs to them. Every day until today, I'd have to walk up to their rooms and quietly wake them as to not disturb my mom. We'd try to delay waking my mon as long as possible because once she was up, the day of caregiving began.
 

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