My caregiving days are over

[danohat]

My dad broke his neck and became a quadriplegic on a vent in 2003. We shared duties giving him 24-7 care at home until Oct of 2009. My mom was never right after the accident. Immediately she began showing signs of dementia. In 2012 we started taking her to a neurologist. She had early onset Alzheimer's. We sold our house, her house, and bought a new one with more space. She has been living with me for about 5 years. One year we drove back and forth several times a day while she still lived alone.
Recently she began having very frequent seizures and required one of us with her at all times. I have a 6 and 8 year old daughter. I always promised my wife that when it became unreasonable we'd get mom somewhere. That happened today.

 

[Rando375]

Sounds like you've all done whats possible up to this point.

Best of luck to you all.

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

Bummer man. That's some rough stuff to deal with.

 

[bilbarstow]

My very best wishes to you and your family. I've done the caregiving thing for multiple relatives, and know the burden it can be. But it is also a good feeling to know that you have done everything that you can. Best wishes.

 

[Lungo]

That's rough man. I hope you don't feel any guilt over the decision.

 

[danohat]

I haven't had my own life since 2003. It feels strange. I feel free. I'll still be visiting her often and she's still got quite a bit of herself left but we'll no longer be responsible for all of her care. We'll actually be able to go out. Together! Up until now we've had to do most things separately because of needing to be with mom.

 

[BKS]

Rough but you already done so much. Many people would not do this even for their own. Respect and don't feel bad about it. You did good.

 

[freebyrd 69]

My dad broke his neck and became a quadriplegic on a vent in 2003. We shared duties giving him 24-7 care at home until Oct of 2009. My mom was never right after the accident. Immediately she began showing signs of dementia. In 2012 we started taking her to a neurologist. She had early onset Alzheimer's. We sold our house, her house, and bought a new one with more space. She has been living with me for about 5 years. One year we drove back and forth several times a day while she still lived alone.
Recently she began having very frequent seizures and required one of us with her at all times. I have a 6 and 8 year old daughter. I always promised my wife that when it became unreasonable we'd get mom somewhere. That happened today.

Sorry to hear that....totally understandable for sure.

 

[DarthPaul]

My dad broke his neck and became a quadriplegic on a vent in 2003. We shared duties giving him 24-7 care at home until Oct of 2009. My mom was never right after the accident. Immediately she began showing signs of dementia. In 2012 we started taking her to a neurologist. She had early onset Alzheimer's. We sold our house, her house, and bought a new one with more space. She has been living with me for about 5 years. One year we drove back and forth several times a day while she still lived alone.
Recently she began having very frequent seizures and required one of us with her at all times. I have a 6 and 8 year old daughter. I always promised my wife that when it became unreasonable we'd get mom somewhere. That happened today.

Thanks for sharing your story - it's helped me deal with my own.

 

[brokentoeswalker]

You'll never look back and say to yourself "I could have done more"

That's all you could ever ask of yourself.

Major props.

 

[mdubya]

My dad broke his neck and became a quadriplegic on a vent in 2003. We shared duties giving him 24-7 care at home until Oct of 2009. My mom was never right after the accident. Immediately she began showing signs of dementia. In 2012 we started taking her to a neurologist. She had early onset Alzheimer's. We sold our house, her house, and bought a new one with more space. She has been living with me for about 5 years. One year we drove back and forth several times a day while she still lived alone.
Recently she began having very frequent seizures and required one of us with her at all times. I have a 6 and 8 year old daughter. I always promised my wife that when it became unreasonable we'd get mom somewhere. That happened today.

You've earned your wings.

Not everyone can handle the burden. I would even say, most cannot. Doing it with your own family, too...I can't even imagine.

 

[TheX]

You've earned some rest. You did more than most of us can even imagine.

 

[Bigfoot410]

Wow. Couldn't even imagine what a day in your life was like.

 

[Meatwad]

You’re a good son Dano.

I’m gonna shove my Dad into one of those homes you see stories about on 60 minutes when his time comes.

 

[Ed B]

I'm sure you've made your parents proud. That's a ton of weight to carry around. You've earned the breathing room. At some point it can be impossible to meet the needs of the elderly. I bet you reached that point a long time ago, but kept on truckin. Well done!

 

[danohat]

Thank you guys.

 

[Razzle]

Hey that's been really cool of you to do that. I've seen so many families with someone who needed the care, and everybody scoots out the door, and it seems it always comes down to one of the children who cares enough to do it. Kudos to you.

Sorry to hear about your Mom, sounds like though she's been in good hands.

How old was she? Do u know if dimentia runs in the family? I know someone whose parent had it and they were wondering if they were prone since their parent did.

 

[electric head]

Good on you dano
We are entering into that arena right now with my mother in law.
I suggest to anyone who is 50 years or older to go to the neurologist and get some cognitive testing done.That way as you get older they have a base line to gauge off of.My neurologist says the biggest problem nowadays are people showing up in their late 60's already with deteriorating abilities and they have nothing to base the norms on.

 

[KSG_Standard]

Sorry about your mom, @danohat. That's a tough situation all the way around. My Mom and Dad took in my Mom's parents when I was a toddler. They had loads of medical problems and they slowly faded away over a period of years. I was a kid, so I didn't understand what my parents were going through or what sacrifices they made to keep my grandparents comfortable. It was tough...but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. I'm fortunate to have been able to grow close to them and to learn from them. It got to the point where they had in-home health care workers helping out every other day or so. God Bless you and your wife for what you've done.

 

[rcole_sooner]

Positive vibes sent your way.