More Holiday BS this year, but with a slightly silver lining, albeit a bit tarnished

Blues4U

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Many on the forum have read my words and accounting of my oldest daughter's trials and tribulation that is life, her life.

I will link two prior threads on the subject, rather than spend a week re-typing them.

Here is a little why holidays have been so hard

http://www.mylespaul.com/forums/backstage/237338-why-i-have-grown-hate-holidays-all-them.html

This explains all leading up to the sadness at the Holidays.

http://www.mylespaul.com/forums/backstage/197024-confessions-husband-father-serious-content.html


Without going into the details of what and why we moved back to Indiana from FLA, I will just say we moved back to Indiana the first of August.


My oldest daughter had her baby almost one year ago, the is unmarried, homeless and has bumped from place to place for a good while.

Since Labor Day weekend (when I reached out to our oldest daughter to see if she wanted to grab a bite to eat) we had been back in regular contact with one another.

We had established a relationship with our grandson and regularly been caring for him and having him stay with us.

First week of October my daughter called me with a story of how her babydaddy wouldn't allow her to pick up the baby , blah blah blah.

I calmed the kid down and told her I would come down ( 1 hr 15 min) and get her and the baby and bring them to our house.


Long and short of it, daughter stayed with us, along with the baby since October. This gave me almost 2 months to see and witness how the baby was and was not being cared for. Although the poor parenting, lack of skills, desire and effort of my daughter to take care of her young son were not surprising, it was disturbing to see first hand.

A little over a week ago my daughter starting lying about where she was spending her time and where the baby was staying (most of the past 2 months both my daughter and grandson have been spending most of their nights with us) and I discovered she was staying with a woman that is a known drug user and abuser in a public housing complex where the police routinely visit and where I was told by a police officer "This place isn't safe for adults to stay, not to mention children"

Out of the blue this past Monday I get a text from the father of my grandchild. I have never spoken to this guy on the phone and I have only met him, spoken to him in person two times ever. We have virtually zero relationship with one another. In his text he tells me who he is and asks if I had the time to talk with him. First off, I am stunned this guy got a hold of me and have no clue how he got my cell number.

I tell him I am busy at the moment but I would be free to talk in about 45 minutes and I will text him when I am free and he can call me.

When we speak on the phone I am told that we don't really know each other, he is sure I probably don't much care for him but he had asked around about me to some people he knew were familiar with me and discovered people considered me to be fair, decent, honest and yet a guy not to screw with. He said people considered me a good friend, father, husband etc so he figured he would man up and call me.

During this call he expressed some concerns about his son and how he was and was not being cared for and wanted to know if I was willing to come down and speak with he and his parents in person.

That night my wife and I met with this young man and his parents and discussed all that had gone on for the past several months. (year plus actually) Now, I know that there have been some character issues with this guy and his parents and in fact, I wasn't sure what was fact or fiction, so although I went into this meeting in good faith, I was there to see what was going on and to allow them to talk.

The long and short of it is, the kid seems to be on track to getting his act together. Parents of his seem to have the baby's best interest at heart but I was born on a day, not yesterday, so I was guarded at the information I put out there and just wanted to hear what these people had to say.

The father told me he was wanting to eventually try to get custody of his child if he could, but he was more interested in making sure the baby was cared for and in a safe environment and he would be OK with me getting custody as long as he was sure the baby was safe and cared for if he was still able to see him.

We talked for a couple hours about all the stuff that had went down for the last year and a half. We discovered that most of the stuff my daughter had told one about the other was fabricated BS.

I left this meeting with the plan of meeting with an attorney to see what our options are concerning ensuring the welfare of our grandson in such circumstances and called to make an appointment first thing Tuesday morning.

As luck would have it, meeting with the baby's father and his family and making an appointment with an attorney this week was either dumb luck, or divine intervention as it would prove to be of great use later in the week.

On Tuesday afternoon, my oldest daughter (mother of my grandson) was discovered to be staying at her best friend's, boyfriend's, mother's house. (I know this is hard to follow,lol) and her friend was not happy, to say the least. My daughter had only known this woman for less than 2 weeks when she met her at a going away party for her son (friend's boyfriend) that was leaving for the Marines. My daughter was staying at the person's house, sleeping in her son's room, wearing her son's clothes with my grandson and when her friend discovered this she popped a gasket (my daughter's friend is a good kid and has tried to help my daughter get her shit together, but as we have all discovered, that is an impossible task, lol)


The friend of my daughter told my daughter was was finished being my daughter's friend and that she should have never taken her son to that house, as she knows what sort of crowd the woman runs with etc. I guess this woman is a piece of work and her adult son joined the Marines to get away from her--:hmm:

Anyway, later that night, my daughter taker her son over to her friend's house and asks her to take care of him making veiled suicide threats etc. The girl takes my daughter to the hospital, tells them she has made suicidal threats tonight and in the past, tells them she is bi polar, tells them our name and number and explains we know her complete medical and mental health history.

Story is still long and bizarre I know. Hospital admits her and is giving her a psyc eval and says they are going to send her to one of two mental health facilities for a 72 hour evaluation. My daughter's friend goes back home, where she left our grandson with her mother and calls us and explains what is going on.

Long and short of it, we go down and 4 AM and get our grandson and bring him back to our house. My daughter either gets released or walks away from hospital (still haven't figured this out) and is raising hell with her friend.

I have already set up an appointment to meat with an attorney about this BS later this day. I go, explain the deal, ask what can be done, I am asked if we can get any corroboration from the baby's father's family or any other family members or friends? Which we say yes, several people have said they will come forward and testify to the facts we presented.

Says its a longshot to make it happen at 3PM on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, as the Clerks office closes at 4PM, but he would try. He starts drafting the needed documents, we make a call to the closest person that has first hand knowledge to what has went down, Lawyer files motion, gets in to see the judge before he leaves for the long weekend and lawyer is back across the street with an emergency guardianship order in his hand by 4:05 PM on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. :shock: :thumb:

We have a long, arduous road before us and our first hearing for long term guardianship is set for Jan. 2nd. By then we will have a plan in place to proceed with getting our daughter the short and long term mental health help she needs. We will hopefully have long term custody in place for our grandson so he can continue to have stability in his life, well, actually, actually have some stability in his life for the first time.

It has been a crazy ass rollercoaster ride this week, actually, for over a decade, but what has went down this week was hopefully the first step in getting my daughter to learn how to take control of her own life and function as an individual, then teach her how to function as a responsible parent is next on the list.

This bullshit is not what I had on my personal agenda this holiday season, but a helpless, almost 1 year old baby needs an advocate, he now has somebody to look out for his best interest and its all legal and stuff:dude:
 

artisan4

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I know you can't force people to get therapy (or maybe a court can?), but if your daughter could find a good therapist (some work out of counseling centres for little or no fee), she could look at her issues and perhaps pull herself out of the tailspin. It takes guts to look at yourself but it's a simple choice; do I want to be miserable, or do I want to be happy?
 

12watt

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Tough gig man, sorry to read about the ongoing grief with your daughter. It is promising that your grandson's dad is looking to do what's best for him and you have a civil channel of communication open. My best wishes to you all.
 

Jakeislove

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Sorry for your troubles, B4U.

I know you won't take this the wrong way so there's no need to mince words: Be a good advocate so she gets the right kind of help. Otherwise, You'll be starting the same process all over again for another grandchild next year.
 

Blues4U

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I know you can't force people to get therapy (or maybe a court can?), but if your daughter could find a good therapist (some work out of counseling centres for little or no fee), she could look at her issues and perhaps pull herself out of the tailspin. It takes guts to look at yourself but it's a simple choice; do I want to be miserable, or do I want to be happy?

You must first realize you are truly miserable:hmm: But I understand what you saying.
 

Blues4U

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Tough gig man, sorry to read about the ongoing grief with your daughter. It is promising that your grandson's dad is looking to do what's best for him and you have a civil channel of communication open. My best wishes to you all.

The open line of communication with the father and his family is something that is very promising.

:thumb:
 

Blues4U

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Sorry for your troubles, B4U.

I know you won't take this the wrong way so there's no need to mince words: Be a good advocate so she gets the right kind of help. Otherwise, You'll be starting the same process all over again for another grandchild next year.

If you think this hasn't been on my radar since day one, you haven't been paying attention:laugh2:

But I fully understand what you are saying. I am trying to figure out the best possible methods to combat such things--
 

Nicky

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I know you did not envision this situation when your daughter was born. But, you care enough to intervene because it is necessary to save a life, or maybe two lives. I commend your grandchild's father for approaching you - he could have easily disappeared forever, and I admire you for accepting his overture to seek your guidance and assistance.

Blessings to you and your entire family.
 

Roberteaux

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As lousy as all this has been for you, I see you getting a break here... and I am very happy for you, because you deserve it. Yours has been one hell of a tough row to hoe...

I've been meaning to ask you: are you back in Indy now, or still living in Florida?

--R
 

HenryHill

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I saw this as a lifelong situation early on in the other threads. :p



Your integrity makes you care, while disallowing unacceptable behavior.



Honorable acts are commendable, and fulfilling, but the sacrifice is tremendous.




It's getting common; my friends, also in their golden years are the responsible adults now for his two granddaughters, and the antics of his daughter were far worse than I read of yours.

The difference here is that he is really no help and is one of the ones who much also be cared for, he's a total drunk, functional in his own right, but in no one else's. A slightly better citizen than the daughter, but not by much.

She now has 3 'kids' to care for, in her mid 50's.



Duty calls.
 

Blues4U

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Thanks for the support guys.

Just wallowing in a bit of self pity today.

Just wishing I could get back to a point where I once again enjoyed the fall holidays.
 

Nicky

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Thanks for the support guys.

Just wallowing in a bit of self pity today.

Just wishing I could get back to a point where I once again enjoyed the fall holidays.

Once you get this complex situation sorted out (and you will), there will be much to enjoy and be thankful for. We all wish you the best.
 

HenryHill

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Thanks for the support guys.

Just wallowing in a bit of self pity today.

Just wishing I could get back to a point where I once again enjoyed the fall holidays.

You've got a support group, just don't be afraid to ask for some. :)

This will put a lot of pressure on your relationship, so be prepared for a tough slog.

You will find strength you did not know you had, and you will find weakness for which you will need others.

Don't be afraid to ask.


There's a term they use in the U.P., sisu, and you'll need to hold this close.

http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisu


You are being tested.
 

Leendrix

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That's some heavy stuff, Blues. :shock: Your grandson needs someone like you and your wife to give him this stability. When he's older and understands what was going on with his mom, he'll thank you.
 

Lyrica

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I have lived similar drama in my family. we are a broken bunch. The fact that you have the baby's best interest at heart says you are on the right track. if you and the father's parents can take major custody, then the baby will have a chance. You can make sure both parents get to see and spend time with the child, under supervision as needed, but whatever. Neither you nor your wife is new. Nor are the fathers parents. It strikes me as mature that he involved you and his parents instead of just suing for custody and making a case against your daughter. cause you know up here his case would have been fairly air tight considering what you said about the suicide stuff, (if i did not misread).

I don't say this often, but God and Goddess bless you. Keep the childs interest in your heart at all times like you've been, and you wont' step wrong. at least not far so. it's nice to see such coolness. :)
 

DHBucker

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I wish you and your's God's comfort during this trying time. Your daughter has to want to change in order for anything positive to stick. To me she appears to be combatting some serious pain, addiction, etc. Help her see the truth as much as you can. Take care of your grandson and love him as you've strived to do. Above all, don't lose yourself because of this. May God bless and keep you all.
 

Sustainamaniac

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I wish you the best of luck through all of this and thank you for your insistence on caring for your grandson. There are too many people that decide that situations like yours are too difficult to handle and ignore them, leaving their children and grandchildren to fate. Thank you for doing the right thing and giving a male role model to your grandson. It is worth everything to have a good, stable person in a child's life. Keep doing what you're doing.:thumbs::applause:
 

Alden

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**Insensitive fodder deleted**

--Mod
 

Thumpalumpacus

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Long read, thanks for the details.

White trash, good luck.

Nuff said.
Alden

13zweur.jpg
 

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