When I first started on this journey in the Shadow of Death, with Grief at the wheel of my life, I felt just like I was in a bus careening out of control and I had no idea what to do. I finally realized I had to find something stable and hold on tight. At first it was family and friends. Then they no longer traveled with me. Finally I spotted "My Faith in God". It was a bit rusty, but I took a deep breath and grabbed hold for dear life.
I traveled that way for several weeks. As I became more stable I began to ask questions of Grief. I wanted to know what to expect. I wanted to know how to survive this. The question I kept asking most in the early weeks is: How can a woman who loved her husband as much as I did Michael K Burks live through this much pain. I asked it over and over. Finally Grief answered me: Is all of this that you are feeling really pain?
As we traveled on in the next few weeks thinking until I had my answer: I turned back to Grief and said, "No. It is not all pain. It is fear, shock, disbelief, confusion and a long list of other things." Grief asked, "What is it you fear?. What are you confused about? You have to live."
That is how I am traveling this terrible journey. I am learning as much as I can about myself. I have to take it one thing at a time. One worry at a time. One plan at a time. One day at a time. Sometimes, one hour at a time... even now. I am learning how a woman who loved her husband as much as I did mine, lives through it. I hope to become a stronger person by learning that answer.