Lost a great man, now preparing for possibly a very awkward moment

Thumpalumpacus

Senior Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2010
Messages
76,200
Reaction score
187,690
My mother will die of Cancer soon. Five months, tops. My ex-wife will not be there, even though my mother very much wants her to be, or to see her before she passes. When she was told about it, her words to me were "I'm sorry, but people Die. Get over it"


I'm sorry about your mother, and almost as much about your ex-.
 

lunchmeat

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 1, 2010
Messages
4,187
Reaction score
7,794
Go!! I was in a similar situation and made the mistake of not going and regretted it ever since.

It would mean much more to the family than to you in their time of need. And your s.o. is right you'll be beating yourself up like I've done.
 

C Squared

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2008
Messages
6,959
Reaction score
4,050
I went. Glad I did.

Got back a little while I go. Was nervous as hell all day. Got to the funeral home and as expected there was a LOT of people there to pay their respects. Said my prayers at his casket. First in the line was my ex. No awkwardness at all. A very sincere thank you so much for coming. Asked her how she was doing, family, work. Basic stuff but none of it seemed forced. Then she turned to her mother and asked if she recognized this guy pointing over to me. Her moms eyes lit up and she jumped out of her seat and gave me a big hug. That alone would have been worth any awkwardness, though luckily there wasn't. We talked for a few minutes, and we set up a tentative date to have brunch next Sunday, just her and I. Talked to her brother for a few minutes after, great guy. Was there a total of maybe 15 minutes, wished I could have talked with them a bit longer but there was a LOT of people still arriving. Looking forward to brunch, and possibly hitting a car show with her brother.
 

leftyguitarman

Senior Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2009
Messages
3,934
Reaction score
2,544
That's cool that you went and that's cool that you had an impact like that on her mother. I didn't think a situation like this would really be awkward; after all, you were there out of compassion. Good on you for going; I would've done the same had I been in your shoes.
 

QuicksilverSS

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
13,611
Reaction score
13,386
Both of my ex's came to my dads wake. My 1st ex and I grew up together and knew my parents very well. I still have a thing for my 2nd ex,8 years younger and still drop dead beautiful.

I'd go if it were me.
 

The_Penguin

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2012
Messages
130
Reaction score
118
An awkward or embarassing moment will fade, a missed "damn I should have been there" moment will haunt you for quite a while.

Go. Politely avoid the ex, and pay your respects. You were close to her parents, and whatever went wrong between you and the ex likely didn't change that. I'm sure you already know it's the thing to do.

Edit: Oops. I really must read the whole thread before posting.
Anyway, good on ya!
 

Username1

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
5,261
Reaction score
4,494
EDIT--- redundant advice even already happened

it went how i thought it would go, bet you are glad you went
 

Kamen_Kaiju

smiling politely as they dream of savage things
V.I.P. Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
86,798
Reaction score
266,076
The proper thing to do in a case like this is to go. It demonstrates some level of caring, even if you have moved on. Give support to the family.
I've often read that after a divorce, ex spouses should still send birthday cards, if only to acknowledge what once was. Not acknowledging is what leads to even more bitter resentment.


My mother will die of Cancer soon. Five months, tops. My ex-wife will not be there, even though my mother very much wants her to be, or to see her before she passes. When she was told about it, her words to me were "I'm sorry, but people Die. Get over it"

I'd never advocate violence towards women,..

But crap that gets me close to it.

talk about needing a 'punch in the mouth.'


Sorry about your Mom man, that's rough.
 

Username1

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
5,261
Reaction score
4,494
The proper thing to do in a case like this is to go. It demonstrates some level of caring, even if you have moved on. Give support to the family.
I've often read that after a divorce, ex spouses should still send birthday cards, if only to acknowledge what once was. Not acknowledging is what leads to even more bitter resentment.


My mother will die of Cancer soon. Five months, tops. My ex-wife will not be there, even though my mother very much wants her to be, or to see her before she passes. When she was told about it, her words to me were "I'm sorry, but people Die. Get over it"

sorry to hear about your mother, ill keep her in my thoughts
 

Drew224

"Obvious BS Artist"
V.I.P. Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2009
Messages
16,653
Reaction score
7,939
You did the right thing, man. What I would have done. I used to avoid funerals like the plague, but then I saw how much better it seemed to make a family member feel to get an embrace and some kind words, started realizing life isn't just about my comfort.
 

Thumpalumpacus

Senior Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2010
Messages
76,200
Reaction score
187,690
I went. Glad I did.

Got back a little while I go. Was nervous as hell all day. Got to the funeral home and as expected there was a LOT of people there to pay their respects. Said my prayers at his casket. First in the line was my ex. No awkwardness at all. A very sincere thank you so much for coming. Asked her how she was doing, family, work. Basic stuff but none of it seemed forced. Then she turned to her mother and asked if she recognized this guy pointing over to me. Her moms eyes lit up and she jumped out of her seat and gave me a big hug. That alone would have been worth any awkwardness, though luckily there wasn't. We talked for a few minutes, and we set up a tentative date to have brunch next Sunday, just her and I. Talked to her brother for a few minutes after, great guy. Was there a total of maybe 15 minutes, wished I could have talked with them a bit longer but there was a LOT of people still arriving. Looking forward to brunch, and possibly hitting a car show with her brother.

Proof positive: a good heart cures one hell of a lot of ailments.

This sort of stuff is truly "paying it forward": leaving it behind. Good on you, brotha.
 

Latest Threads



Top