Kids and drugs......

[randelli]

I'll get to the point. How do you get a kid away from drugs once he has started down that road?

Some of you might remember that I lost my oldest son (15) in July to an accidental self inflicted gunshot wound. WTF!!! he was playing russian roulette and thought that he could control the "pattern". The police found an empty bottle of tanqueray in the sink and suspect that he was drinking. We have reason to believe that he had also started messing around with pot.

Fast forward - my other son (13) has decided to drop out of his sport of 8 years to hang around with friends. These are skater punks who hang at the park and smoke out. We have found pipes made from pens with some sort of residue; but he never smells of pot or has the typical signs. the most we could see was dialated eyes. We confronted him with our information - along with info from friends and neighbors that he was selling and using. He of course denied it.

He agreed to take a home drug test; but we think he mixed up some yellow food coloring and snuck it in the container while his mom looked away. he had yellow stains on his shirt and a mysterious little shampoo bottle in the trash can. My wife bought another test and before we could do the test our little angel put the new lid on the old container and voided the test. Now we are out $80 at this point.

I have no doubts that he is using. I want to get him away from the situation without a lot of damage or exposure. I will not shield him from the police if he gets caught and part of me thinks this would be the best thing that could happen.

I know that kids experiment, I was a kid too, but some kids don't make it out alive and I have already lost one child. What types of things should we do to get him away from this before he hurts himself?

 

[diceman]

Bloody hell, brother - you have had a tough year.

Sit his ass down and talk to him about his future. I don't know what else to say. That is YOUNG to be getting high and selling weed. I went through a phase when I was 18/19 with pot, but kicked it quick and fast when I realized that my buddies were all just stagnant and going nowhere. (Fast forward almost 10 years and I'm working on a law degree, married w/ 2 boys, and have 7 years of military service under my belt - so all is not lost!).

Just a very serious heart to heart is probably the best place to start. I wish I had more insight.

Keep your head up.

 

[Ride on a Pony]

Well, I think its a positive that he's only 13. He's still young enough that you (i would imagine) have a high level of influence in his life. If he started at 17 or 18, well its much harder for a parent to influence their child at that age.

I know its not really the direct answer to your problem, but there's still time for you to introduce him to something (like music or guitar) that could change his life around and give it some purpose. I think I was about 15 before I was introduced to REAL music, and 17 before I started taking guitar seriously, now it completely dominates my life. When I think about it, it was such a bizarre series of coincidences that led to this its hard to believe it happened at all.

I think its important that while you tackle the problem on one hand, at the same time, you need to try to introduce him to some new stuff, you never know what might click. Ultimately, despite your best efforts, if he can't find some goals and purpose then he'll most likely just go back to drugs anyway.

As far as actually tackling the drug 'problem' itself, I can't really help. Its not something I have any first hand experience with. I guess if all else fails you can try ship him off to the army or something like that to try straighten him out a bit.

Sorry for your loss, I hope things get better.

 

[Alligatorbling]

take him to an NA (narcotics annoymous) meeting... They have open meetings open to the public, anyone can attend. He may be resistant at first but once he sees people not a lot older than him telling storys he might be able to relate to, a switch might go off in his head and he might start to listen. They have open AA meetings as well. If he hears some war stories it might just do something, maybe not, but its worth a try. Do a google with your city name or county for NA meetings or AA meetings for schedules and open meeting dates and locations. You can just say hello my name is so n so and i am a visitor.

 

[coldsteal2]

my dad scared me straight by threatening to take
me to the sherriffs office personaly if he found out
i was smoking pot anymore.
The thought of spending a year in juvie and loosing
my friends and education straightened me up.
at leas till i got out of school

its a hard call, you just never know how your kids
will go with this, i tried it with my daughter it just
made her worse..........dont really know what to say
its seriuos stuff

it sucks to be a teen and sucks more to be a parent
of a teen,

 

[meka]

Unfortunately, there are only two reasons why people quit weed:
1. they decide to do that
2. they get too stoned and get paranoid, so they freak out, and never take weed again

Sorry, but I haven't heard any other reason. I would be an idiot to suggest you to freak out your son, having lost one, already. I have few friends quit it because of paranoia while being hi. Physically, the worst thing that happened to them is they felt sick (much like taking too much alcohol), but they had weird things inside their heads. I really wish I have a good advice for you. Anyway, good luck.

 

[TOMMYTHUNDERS]

is it possible that he's acting out and doing this stuff because he's not properly coping with the loss of his brother?
maybe if you got him some therapy to help him deal with that he might not need the approval of his pothead buddies, or the feel the need to immerse himself in a narcotic dreamland.
it's a tough situation for sure.
you are the parent though, and as such you hold all the cards.
maybe throw down on him super hard, say something like "if i even suspect that you might have smoked weed you're going to get grounded." it's not a democracy in your house and there's no innocent until proven guilty. be firm.

 

[LongBeach]

I have a 13 year old son as well.

Telling your kids who they can, and cant hang out with is a tough call.
But, if it is these other kids influencing him, I nip that one in the bud.
Back into sports, he's 13, you have that right, you doing it for his own good. IMO
And, I do agree he's probably having a tough time with the loss of his brother.

I would suggest you get him into counseling.

 

[GNR4EVR]

You can get drug tests at the police station for around 5.00. I too have the same issue, my 21 year old daughter has been on drugs and booze since she was 16 and cant seem to get away from it. Its up to the individual. I know its hard, but once drugs and booze take hold, all you can do is pray for them a lot. The rest is up to them, unfortunately. I tried everything as well, but still found it hidden all over the house. I kicked her out when she was 18 because she was using my house as a party shack for all her friends and they were destroying my house while I was at work. So when she turned 18, she got the boot. Best thing to ever happen because I thought I was going to lose it. And here I was trying to stay sober myself. Maybe some scare tactics? Like a little visit to the morgue to see what drugs and booze did to some people there? I know its a bit morbid, but Ive heard of some parents going to that extreme and it worked for them.

 

[geochem1st]

is it possible that he's acting out and doing this stuff because he's not properly coping with the loss of his brother?
maybe if you got him some therapy to help him deal with that he might not need the approval of his pothead buddies, or the feel the need to immerse himself in a narcotic dreamland.
........

My feeling as well. At my age (55) I have a hard time dealing with death stll, never mind losing my brother who was only 2 years older. This is complex and maybe he really doesn't know how to greive, its different for everyone.

How are you and the rest of the family coping with this loss? This influences him as well. My heart goes out to all of you.

 

[Lyrica]

my problem as a kid, and even as an adult, is that i do not always see the consequences. i would take him to show him the possible consequences and THEN have your serious talk. hallucinogens can put people in the mental hospital. i've been there. other drugs can create an addiction so powerful it almost eats your soul. i don't know if you can get into a mental ward, but the things i've seen there are frightening. for sure take him to an na meeting. there may be stories that make him think. take him to a jail, more stories to make him think. have him talk to cops who've seen what addicts, or drug induced crazy people become when they lose it. and THEN talk to him about his life choices.

 

[bildozr]

A good 'ol leather belt will take care of that problem.

My daddy beat my hiney when I was younger (I didn't do nothin) and told me it would be worse if I ever started smokin' or drinkin'. Trust me. It worked.

 

[bildozr]

And condolences for your big one. It may be hard just remind him that your eldest was playing around with that stuff, and look where that ended.

Tell him it ain't worth it, and you won't see something like that happen again. He's your kid and he's better than the kind of stuff he might be getting into. Tell him you love him to darn much to see something like that happen.

 

[Fracture]

If he's tainting the tests he's using.
Stop him now, I lost 15 years to drugs and alcohol,
can never get em back.
Take privileges away and make him earn them back with
clean tests and work done around the house.

He's probably reeling from his brother's death.
Hopefully your county or state has social services that can
provide him with counseling.

Losing a son as tragically as you did..I can't imagine.

It may be even more painful to lose the second in the direction he's headed.

Good luck and accept a prayer.

 

[Madguitarist78]

Im 15 and I have to say that the biggest reason that kids get into this is PRESSURE!!!

Fourtunatly for me I have always been active in my Church, Student Goverment, Football, Lacrosse, and guitar etc, etc.
Because my activity in different groups I am not following one group and if one group of kids decide to drink or smoke, they know that I will simply move on to the next group.

Therefore, I am not pressured to do anything and I am respected for the choices I make.



However In every teens life you need something stable and dependent, for me it has been religion and guitar.

Both will never turn on you or pressure you to do anything.



By advice is maybe go to your church/temple/mosque etc. and maybe get involved with some youthgroups.

It wont be the "cool" thing but it will introduce him to agroup of good people that he can depend on.

 

[rodneyk915]

Wow Randelli, sounds like your son is where mine was 5 years ago. He quit school sports because he couldn't keep a passing grade in math and got tired of practicing all the time and never getting to play (no pass, no play rule). He got into skateboarding and hanging out with some kids we didn't know. He seemed fine but his new friends seemed a little sketchy but some of his old friends were doing it too with him so we didn't think too much about it. Fast forward two years and he is next to impossible to live with, cussing and threatening his mom and sisters when I wasn't around. Me and him nearly coming to blows several times. We had him going to a psychiatrist to figure out what was going on.

Finally he lost it at school and my wife had to go pick him up. She called the psychiatrist who told her to take him to a hospital and get examined. He was rude with the staff and they questioned him about drug use. He denied it but then refused to take a test. Long story not quite as long, he had progressed to cocaine, was admitted to a hospital for two weeks, removed from school and home schooled for a year. Now he is 17, back on track and doing great and never wants to go down that path again. He realized how he was changed by the drugs and doesn't want anything to do with them again.

What should you do? I don't know. The homeschooling really helped us a lot because he was away from those kids and it gave him time to find himself again without the peer pressure telling him who he is. Best of luck.

 

[LESPAULplayer]

I am 17. I have smoked pot and drink on weekends. I think it relies on his enviorment. As a teen when you go to a meeting and everyone is drinking and they are all having such fun why wouldnt you drink? but for example I only drink when I am with friends I never drink alone. I imagine at his age is the same he only does that when he hangs out with them. The only reason I can think of for him to stop it is changing enviorment, even thou that is very difficult.

 

[randelli]

Thanks for the support and ideas!

We have him in counseling, well he had his first session on Friday and goes again tomorrow, for coping with the loss of his brother. My wife mentioned the possible drug use - so we will see if that is discussed as well.

We do attend church too. We actually attend two churches at the moment, our main church for the last 7 years, and the church plant they started. We are trying to get him involved in both youth groups there. The church plant kids go to his school and run the church club (idk what they call it) there. He needs possitive influences in his life right now so we are doing what we can to get him connected to the right people.

Dropping out of gymnastics is a huge deal! He is consistently placing very high in the state; and last year missed first place all-arounds at regionals (CA,NV,AZ,HI) by 1 point. he fell off of the pommel horse on the last turn before the dismount!!! So needless to say gymnastics is his life. This is the biggest thing that is troubling us - it is like he is giving up on life.

We homeschooled for a long time until we just could not do it any more. We are considering that again because we know that he is really influenced by the public school kids. He does not have a lot of will power and tends to follow the crowd.

It sounds like we did everything right, right?? I don't know what the hell happened........

 

[TheAceofEights]

Dropping out of gymnastics is a huge deal! He is consistently placing very high in the state; and last year missed first place all-arounds at regionals (CA,NV,AZ,HI) by 1 point. he fell off of the pommel horse on the last turn before the dismount!!! So needless to say gymnastics is his life. This is the biggest thing that is troubling us - it is like he is giving up on life.

Woah whoah whoah, you didn't say anything about gymnastics. That's part of the problem right there. Nothing wrong with gymnastics, but I can imagine some kids at school are calling him stuff like "fag" and Hazing him a bit. That might be part of it. My little brother did gymnastics and everyone called him "queer" among other stuff. He took it hard for a while, but eventually he started bashing heads and people left him alone.

 

[randelli]

Woah whoah whoah, you didn't say anything about gymnastics. That's part of the problem right there. Nothing wrong with gymnastics, but I can imagine some kids at school are calling him stuff like "fag" and Hazing him a bit. That might be part of it. My little brother did gymnastics and everyone called him "queer" among other stuff. He took it hard for a while, but eventually he started bashing heads and people left him alone.

we are all 'queer' in california - so that's OK. I could see that sort of think happening in Oklahoma lol!