Just when I think I’m done with my years long headache…

meatball

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Went thru this B S with my wife’s sister when her mom passed away, She left my wife as the executor and all hell broke loose … Butmy moher in law saw the future with. Their daughter and knew she would squander it all ,,, My wife did the. Decent thing and gave her a cut that she wasnt deserving of ,,,,We rarely hear from the leech now ,,, good riddance to her
 

toymaker

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Thanks for the words of encouragement- like I said just venting.

My last straw was the life insurance - mom had a small policy (25k) that I had no knowledge of - couldn’t call their long time agent as he passed a week after mom.

Anyway - sister gets a check for 25k - assumes it’s moms policy cashes and says nothing. I get a similar check and just text my sister, thinking I got it as executor and prepared to give her half - get an immediate reply to effect of I didn’t know what it was for and I just cashed it and spent the money - took about 30 seconds to figure out sis thought SHE had gotten the cash because it went to old address and was going to cash and keep it and not say a word to me.

2 things she didn’t know -

1 that 25k policy had built a similar amount in cash value over 40 years - and it had both of us as beneficiaries - so insurance was able to locate us easily as we both had recently had policies. We each got a check for the same - I was prepared to share mine thinking it went to me 100% - she was prepared to cheat me out of my half while living under a roof I pay for and knowing I paid for funeral, various bills and other cost out of my pocket.

2. Mom had another much larger policy that I was aware of and sister wasn’t - named me as sole beneficiary and mom instructed me to ensure sister never sees a lump sum of cash - just ensure if she gets in a tight spot and needs help, I’m in a position to do so like her and dad did for many years.

So I’m doing just that - holding back that money and one day if it’s ever a true emergency- I can honor their wishes and help. But not saying a damn word about that money and it will set and make me money going forward. I felt bad not saying anything - right up till the moment that I saw situations reversed how I would be treated….from then forward I knew I had to get my interest financially separated from my sister or
 

six-string

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Sorry for your loss.
As for the tale with the sister. Unfortunately that comes as no surprise to me.
Both my parents are gone now and the in-laws too.
Guess who got to clean up the mess?
Lots of siblings, in-laws, out-laws and everything else.
Scattered all over the world too. No kidding.
All I can say is Good Luck.
Take this for "free advice" but it might be worth the cost of an hour of your lawyers time to give them a short version of the situation and ask what, if any, legal options you have or they might recommend about dealing with your sister.
Just a thought. Different jurisdictions have different rules so I can't say what might work for you.
If I were you, I would want to disconnect any business, real estate or other financial entanglements as soon as possible.
 

Marshall & Moonshine

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We’re quite the opposite, my sisters and I argue about what we don’t want. :laugh2:

“You can have that hideous sofa”

” No, you have the sofa and the ugly ornaments…”

Mums usually in the same room, rolling her eyes.
this reminds me of that part in "when harry met sally" where carrie fisher said "i will never, ever want that table."
 

toymaker

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To the comments of “plan everything- consult an attorney” - trust me - we did.

Granted it helped on the bigger things - all the planning in the world doesn’t mean squat when dealing with someone who won’t respect an agreement and you are pretty much powerless if you don’t want to piss them off and call their BS.

Like I said - simple stuff got made complex. Day of the funeral - I asked everyone to stop out or let me know if they wanted anything in particular - just put a tag on it or let me know and I’d be sure to make sure it’s there’s - this included my sister.

Small family items - I pulled and set back in a room - told her again, let me know what you would like. She did and took her things and left - fair enough. Go out and come back the next day to get a few of the things I wanted to ensure kept safe - not valuable things, just photos/books etc. Sure enough she had came back AfTER we left and helped herself to a 2nd load of things.

This AFTER I made it clear I didn’t want any “solo” picking going on - either myself or a trusted family friend needed to be there if anything walked out the door to verify who took what and when. I asked specifically before did she have a set of keys and she said no - so I thought the only 2 were the set a family friend had and the set I gave the attorney. Turns out she “remembered” she had a set and didn’t want to “bother” anyone making them come out while she grabbed “just a few more things”.

It’s kind of weird in my opinion - I seriously get the feeling she is building a. “Museum” to our childhood/parents - seriously her place now (our childhood home) looks like it did 25 year ago because she insisted on keeping many of the same things with a weird “shrine” to my father. Now she wants their house of the last 8 years - which I am happy to let her have and be gone from my place -and wants ALL the furnishings.

It’s just creepy to me - I mean I’m all for sentiment and keepsakes - but I don’t want to assume someone else’s life - it really feels like she is trying exactly that at times.
 

redcoats1976

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my wifes mom passed about 10 years ago when we were away on vacation,sister in law arrived at the house and found her dead.no valuables left in the house,not even a dollar bill which seemed kind of odd.sister in law was considered a person of interest by the cops,and tried to remove moms savings from her bank account as well.i trust her as far as i can throw her...she weighs about 220.
 

BRMarshall

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Very sorry you are having to deal with this as the loss of parents is sad enough. My mother passed 9 years ago, and my father five years before. I have one brother who lives four states away. We honored our parents wishes - everything equal. We communicate regularly, texts every couple of days, couple phone calls a month, and in person visits 3 to 4 times a year. I am blessed to have this and feel for those with other situations. Try to do the right thing and try not to let greedy family members take advantage - it really should be about trying to honor the wishes of deceased loved ones.
 

Deftone

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When my dad passed in '98 my brother, sister and I had no squabbles at all.

The neighbors on the other hand..."I got dibs on his car!" "We get his house, can you carry us on a loan?" We had never even met these people. One of his supposed friends even stole his Kubota Tractor. Thankfully, we had paperwork and we went and took it back.
 

Tone deaf

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Very common. I feel for you. Dealing with your parents passing sucks enough without added issues.

My parents were successful (dad earned, mom did everything else). From the time I turned 18, I was the executor of their estate, given that I was the one child who could get along with all the other siblings and I am financially savvy. Well, 25 years passed and I was tied up in a divorce and they switched to my oldest sister which, in their perspective I guess eliminated risk from my divorce (which was nonexistent). Well, depending upon which way the wind is blowing, my eldest sister has trouble getting along with any and all of the siblings. Anywho, my other sisters petitioned my mother to put me back on as co-executor to bring some sense of calm to the eventuality of dealing with their estate. Some time ago, I was added as co-executor. One of the wrinkles is that my oldest sister won't know that I am co-executor, until I am called upon to fulfill that duty (she's quite difficult and my mother didn't desire to have that conversation with her). So be it.

When my folks pass, I will likely buy out my sisters for the family homestead, with the caveat that they are all welcome there, anytime. I don't expect a lot of push back...but when it comes to issues of family and money, who knows which way that ball will bounce?
 
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toymaker

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Yea - as bad as things got with my sister, at least she has somewhat of a reason to feel “entitled” to something.

Wasn’t so much an issue with “neighbors” with mom - but when dad passed - different story. I literally had someone come up to me in the funeral parlor - standing immediately next to the casket wanting to make a deal on the farm! Idiot thought I had no idea of what value was and was talking to me like he’d make me a “good deal” - all the while planning on making a fortune in a flip. Needless to say - I haven’t spoken with them in several years.

That’s another part of the issues with my sister - as blatantly obvious as some of these people are - she doesn’t see it - she sees $$. Some jackass walks up and says “hey, you aren’t using that old piece of equipment- I’ll give you $25 for it and shed do it for beer money” - I’d stop down and say where the hell is the mower at and get “oh - such and such wanted it and I didn’t think you needed it so I told him he could have it” - so I’d get pissed - stop and have a conversation with the person who she “gave” something to letting them know it was a misunderstanding and I did in fact need that (knowing full well they knew the value of what they took too) only to get the “real” story that they said name your price and she said $50 and they met at $25….an offer of their money back and a reminder that it wasn’t hers to sell and the local sheriff might not see things there way resolved a few “misunderstandings”

She burned me pretty good too on some stuff I had in storage down there - these were clearly “my” things and she tried to pawn them once - problem is I knew the shop where she tried to pawn and they recognized them as mine - bought them and called me immediately thinking they had been stolen and some crackheads GF was pawning them for him -having to say - yea, that’s my sister was fun.

I just can’t wait for this to be over with - my only “request” up front was simply “you can have anything you want and everything if you want - but you are not making money on it.” If you have one of something and take what mom had - either give away what you replaced or we give away moms - I mean appliances/furniture/tv - stuff like that - you only need so many of to furnish a home. There are still people we know without or who could certainly use an upgrade and I just don’t feel holding a tag sale is right when you already got a tidy sum. At a point just share the wealth and be happy - not seeking to profit off the passing of a loved one every last cent.

This is what makes me mad - it’s been a constant stream of little stuff. Trying to make a few more dollars and asking lifelong friends of moms to “bid” on things. She already made it clear she was going to “help me out and leave all the stuff of hers in storage at my place” and I let her know I was going to “help her out and give her 30 days after we sign paperwork to get it out or I toss it to the curb” -store it yourself or get a unit somewhere.

I’m very torn between telling her I want a few small things she grabbed and risking pissing her off more and just letting it go and keeping things ok between us. Like I’ve said - I tried to do right by her - but she has been caught in so many lies and with the hand in the cookie jar so many times - both when both were living and now at their passings. Some people just refuse to grow up and I don’t feel responsible to carry them all their life -just set them up for success and try to guide them the right way - the rest is in you.

The latest winner she has shacked up with is still a mystery too - supposedly has a “good job” - but always seems to be around and never working - intends on quitting it to move in with her full time because he doesn’t like the drive - bringing his 3 kids (between early teens and early 20s complete with a gf and one on the way) into the fold too. Seriously - I get that live is blind and all that - but I seriously doubt if she wouldn’t have fell into a small pile of cash that he’d be anywhere around at the moment - the timing is just too questionable to me.
 

Tone deaf

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Yea - as bad as things got with my sister, at least she has somewhat of a reason to feel “entitled” to something.

Wasn’t so much an issue with “neighbors” with mom - but when dad passed - different story. I literally had someone come up to me in the funeral parlor - standing immediately next to the casket wanting to make a deal on the farm! Idiot thought I had no idea of what value was and was talking to me like he’d make me a “good deal” - all the while planning on making a fortune in a flip. Needless to say - I haven’t spoken with them in several years.

That’s another part of the issues with my sister - as blatantly obvious as some of these people are - she doesn’t see it - she sees $$. Some jackass walks up and says “hey, you aren’t using that old piece of equipment- I’ll give you $25 for it and shed do it for beer money” - I’d stop down and say where the hell is the mower at and get “oh - such and such wanted it and I didn’t think you needed it so I told him he could have it” - so I’d get pissed - stop and have a conversation with the person who she “gave” something to letting them know it was a misunderstanding and I did in fact need that (knowing full well they knew the value of what they took too) only to get the “real” story that they said name your price and she said $50 and they met at $25….an offer of their money back and a reminder that it wasn’t hers to sell and the local sheriff might not see things there way resolved a few “misunderstandings”

She burned me pretty good too on some stuff I had in storage down there - these were clearly “my” things and she tried to pawn them once - problem is I knew the shop where she tried to pawn and they recognized them as mine - bought them and called me immediately thinking they had been stolen and some crackheads GF was pawning them for him -having to say - yea, that’s my sister was fun.

I just can’t wait for this to be over with - my only “request” up front was simply “you can have anything you want and everything if you want - but you are not making money on it.” If you have one of something and take what mom had - either give away what you replaced or we give away moms - I mean appliances/furniture/tv - stuff like that - you only need so many of to furnish a home. There are still people we know without or who could certainly use an upgrade and I just don’t feel holding a tag sale is right when you already got a tidy sum. At a point just share the wealth and be happy - not seeking to profit off the passing of a loved one every last cent.

This is what makes me mad - it’s been a constant stream of little stuff. Trying to make a few more dollars and asking lifelong friends of moms to “bid” on things. She already made it clear she was going to “help me out and leave all the stuff of hers in storage at my place” and I let her know I was going to “help her out and give her 30 days after we sign paperwork to get it out or I toss it to the curb” -store it yourself or get a unit somewhere.

I’m very torn between telling her I want a few small things she grabbed and risking pissing her off more and just letting it go and keeping things ok between us. Like I’ve said - I tried to do right by her - but she has been caught in so many lies and with the hand in the cookie jar so many times - both when both were living and now at their passings. Some people just refuse to grow up and I don’t feel responsible to carry them all their life -just set them up for success and try to guide them the right way - the rest is in you.

The latest winner she has shacked up with is still a mystery too - supposedly has a “good job” - but always seems to be around and never working - intends on quitting it to move in with her full time because he doesn’t like the drive - bringing his 3 kids (between early teens and early 20s complete with a gf and one on the way) into the fold too. Seriously - I get that live is blind and all that - but I seriously doubt if she wouldn’t have fell into a small pile of cash that he’d be anywhere around at the moment - the timing is just too questionable to me.
My sister was cleaning things out of my parents' house and threw away a bunch of stuff (that was clearly mine). They live in a 4,000 sqft home with a 3 car garage and 1,800 sqft basement...they aren't tight on space. I sit and wonder what would motivate her to throw away stuff that is clearly mine? Toss it in the closet, attic or basement and let me decide. Among the things tossed were my Gen-1 Air Jordans worth over $3,000.

My other younger sister threw out my 6hp Evinrude outboard.

I have to bite my tongue and push the bile back down...
 

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