Just when I think I’m done with my years long headache…

[toymaker]

So I’ve vented here before about my idiot sibling - nothing new there - still as a big a pain in my ass as always.

BUT - thought I found a way out recently -when mom passed, she left her house to myself and my sister equally. I simply went to my sister and said let me buy you out - and gave her 2 options either a. You can continue living where you live (in parents old place that is mine now) free of charge - I take the $$ I give you for your half the house and put it in an account you cannot access until you need it or something happens to me - then it converts to a 10 year payout.OR You have some land nearby me - if you want to take your share and build a smaller house there or really buy anywhere - you have the $$ to do it and I’ll pay your half to the closing agency. Basically get her out and on her own and out of my hair.

Of course neither of these work for her - she wants free rent AND to keep the house. So I said simply if you can find a bank to back you - then I’ll take the same as I offered you - of course that doesn’t work either. Finally - said sign the land over to me and you can have my half - you get a place free and clear in your name and I get a house I can rent out - and surprisingly she’s good with that.

So I tell her - it will be 90 days or so until I can get someone to handle the deeds and need to get things from moms - it’s not a lot, just basic furnishings and daily use things. Sister has already snuck in and cherry picked through the few family mementos and “valuables” - so I told her - I will leave you this stuff and I’ll take care of getting rid of those things you already have (things like small kitchen stuff/bed/small appliances).

So I have no need for this stuff - I already have an established house - so make arrangements with some of moms close friends to make sure they get things they could use or that are simply better than what they have - kind of a thanks for being a good friend to mom and think of her when you use this in a non weird way thing. List is made out and someone is appointed to help me handle pick up and distribution.

Sure enough - my idiot sibling has to step in and say no - she won’t allow it…it’s all HERS. She needs that stuff and isn’t letting anyone have anything. Of course now the person helping doesn’t want to cause drama and just wants to let it go….but I’m pissed. Tired of entitlement and the belief because your “family” you can claim anything you see as being “yours”. My mom struggled for the last 4 years and my sister was always too busy to help - but the people I try to help out were by her side for the entire time. Just pisses me off to no end - the outright greed displayed here.

The topper - my sister informs me first she isnot planning on moving stuff out of the current home - you know, so she’s got a 2nd place at her disposal - told her no - everything out as I may rent it andif you have a place - your stuff goes with you. I get fine - butIt will take a while as I’m going to hold a tag sale - it’s just like what WTF - you need all those things I planned to give away, just so you can sell yours and make a few dollars?!? Im just tired of it - I can see a light at the end of the tunnel - but gotta get one last money grab in I guess.

Worse - I’ve gotta try to get back some of the family mementos promised to me - of course she grabbed them for “safekeeping” - just some firearms, knives and things of dads. We sorted it all out with mom years ago - and I told mom just keep it there as I move around too much and felt it was more secure with her (and I know it was just kinda a comfort to her seeing them still there). Old non high value stuff - nothing in demand - old single shot shotguns and things….of course I know it’s gonna be a pain to get back. Again - had planned on taking some of them and passing on to dads friends and people who helped him - just small thank you’s…..but moment she finds that out it will cause problems (again - if it’s mine - I can do what I want with them - I don’t need permission to give away) - also got to try and get his instruments - those I’m keeping for now.

Sorry for the vent thread - just better to go off here than on her - given I am so close to gaining the separation of our property interest I so badly need. I just could never break things up with mom around as they worked so hard to keep things together and it wouldn’t have been fair to give me 100% of something and tell my sister you get yours later when we are gone kinda thing.

 

[Bobby Mahogany]

Ah... family...

It has been said that you can choose your friends but not your family.
That is true.
But it's also true that you can choose to cut the family links.
It's not always easy, especially when caught in a situation like yours
but eventually there will be no more "Mom links" that keep you from
being happy and let go.

The decent people, like you are, are the ones suffering all along the crazy ride.
But it will end soon and you can find peace. With some noise in the background sometimes
but peace just the same.

Ask me how I know...

Hang in there.

 

[scrumm21]

Hang in there...

I had a vent thread a couple years back regarding a son ( Who is doing Much much better ! )

Sometimes ya just gotta.........

 

[fry]

Sadly, I believe this is a rather common tale. I think everybody has experienced it at some point. When my grandmother died, the aunt that had the least to do with her in her later years came running in trying to grab everything. One of my uncles put his foot down and ran the show, it was his way or nothing. There were eight siblings, and he laid down the law.

 

[Zylo]

just normal family goings on then...

 

[Stinky Kitty]

After both parents passed, my siblings no longer had a reason to be their better behaved selves. They showed up authentic as the Harpies from Hell..

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

why do people have kids when so many kids seem awful?

..seems to be a common theme.

 

[TheX]

After both parents had passed, lost any interest in dealing with the sister from hell.

 

[efstop]

Siblings. You can't shoot 'em and... well, that's it.

 

[Stinky Kitty]

I read somewhere that family teaches us how to deal with people that we would not normally choose to associate with

 

[Roberteaux]

It is something one sees quite a bit of, these disputes over property distribution and such. As sucky as your situation is, I've seen-- and heard of-- worse. At least you can kinda work with this sister of yours...

My mom didn't trust my sister worth a damn-- even though she vastly preferred the personal company of my sister over that of my so-savory self. For the most part, the female members of my family have always viewed me as a sort of reprobate... with the exception of my paternal grandmother, who seemed to think I was just fine as issued.

But mom? Not so much!

And so I was very surprised the day she dragged me to visit the banks she did business with and had me signed over as "POD" on all her accounts. I was also taken to sign on as her health care surrogate, was given power of attorney over her estate, was named as sole beneficiary in her will, and all the rest.

I was flabbergasted. I wondered aloud to her why she would suddenly place all this trust in me, especially after decades of viewing me as some sort of black sheep kinda guy.

Her astonishing response was to say that she loved all her children very much, but she knew what each of us could be trusted to do-- and what we could not be trusted to do. And it was her estimation that I would abide by her true personal wish, which was to split the estate evenly. She went on to say that despite some of my more negative personal characteristics, I would be too proud to rip my own family off like that-- it would literally be an infamita to me.

But my sister, she said, featured a somewhat different character when it came to that sort of thing-- and so the job was mine by default, and never mind what else mom thought of me.

So that was it: when mom passed away, I was her sole beneficiary. But I really *did* do what I promised to do, and my sis got her cut almost overnight.

NO squabbles at all, as the sis realized that under Florida law she could hire an entire battalion of the world's best family and estate lawyers and she'd still have no case if I decided to betray my mother's trust in me and do the greedo thing of keeping all the loot for myself.

I was in the driver's seat, for sure. Florida is very, very precise about these things, you see. Lots of very wealthy people come here, more or less to die in comfort, and if there's one state in the Union that will clip your balls off for foul or fraudulent play in an estate case, it is this state.

So, for about fifteen minutes or so, I was the Family Saint. I handed over my sister's share of mom's estate, exactly as mom instructed me to do, and my sister couldn't have been happier without my having died before mom did.

It was really a weird experience, because for the greater part of my life I have been regarded as the family's resident rummie and ne'er-do-well-- and yet, mom somehow knew that I wouldn't rip my sister off under any circumstances.

But you know what they say: the public has a short memory. And as it happens, I'd say you can add your own family into the short-memory thing about as aptly...

You remember what Warhol had to say about everybody being famous for exactly 15 minutes? Well, I'll tell ya that it seems to work that way with sainthood as well. I mean, it wasn't two weeks after the sis got her cut that I found that my sainthood had expired, and I was back to being her crazy brother...

***************​

Stay tough, hang tough. This kind of thing is unbelievably vexing, and I've seen so much crap happen in the aftermath of the death of a senior family member... the kids get the knives out, man...

But you sound like you're doing really good anyway, despite what you appear to be up against with this sister of yours. You'll get through this thing okay, for sure... and you'll never have to deal with anything so crappy as this again, too!

Best luck. Stay patient-- but stay sharp.

--R

 

[Stinky Kitty]

The oldest sister was Executrix. Her daughter, my niece, has a friend who clerked for a lawyer. To save money, it was decided her boss would handle the estate.

The sister decided that she needed to pay a lawyer referred by her own friend, based on the fact that she believed I would object to the lawyer of my niece's friend handling it, since it was a friend of her family.

I lawyer-ed up upon strong urging by my nephew, the husband of the executrix sister's other daughter. I hired the lawyer of my niece's friend. The one executrix sister loudly proclaimed that I would accuse of bias against me. He did a great job of supporting me and protecting my interests.

Meanwhile, the other sister and her hubby left under cover of night with a pick up bed loaded higher than the cab, refusing to remove the cover for an accounting.

And this is merely the tip of the iceberg of shenanigans of how my family shares the love..

 

[Freddy G]

I wonder what the sister's side of the story would sound like.

 

[efstop]

I'm going to have an expensive bonfire before I kick off...

 

[pnuggett]

My mom passed away a couple weeks ago. She was 96 and had sold her house and was in assisted living. Easy three way split on what money was left between my brother, sister and me. No hassle or arguments.

Now my wife's family is a completely different story. They're both alive but in pretty bad shape. The two sons are arguing over who should get what when the folks are gone. I'm taking my inlaws to get their Living Trust updated and my wife will be the executor with POA. Fuck those two idiots. It will get split three ways period.

 

[dc007]

I've heard many stories about siblings falling apart after the last parent passes.

 

[Roberteaux]

I've heard many stories about siblings falling apart after the last parent passes.

Sadly, I'm watching it with my two stepkids right now...

Their mom passed away about two weeks ago... the death was by no means unexpected, but the BS started before poor Patty finally went over the crossroads.

At my urging, the two did finally cooperate, but things were about as dicey as hell for a week or two, there.

And now that mom's gone? Honestly: I will not be shocked if they simply do not communicate with one another. Some shit happened between those two some years ago-- no idea what it was all about-- and that's it: they've been at loggerheads ever since.

But again: they *did* finally cooperate, and both paid lip service to my urging that they stay close. It might come to where each might end up being all the other one's got going for him or her-- or so I told them.

I don't think they really listened to that second half of the message, though.

Haven't heard from either of them myself for a couple of weeks now.

Sometimes, that's just how shit ends up.

--R

 

[dc007]

I will not be shocked if they simply do not communicate with one another.

Yeppers. My wife and her siblings are still civil but seldom talk anymore.

 

[Chester Drawers]

The oldest sister was Executrix.

That sounds, well, sort of kinky….



Just me?

 

[Chester Drawers]

We’re quite the opposite, my sisters and I argue about what we don’t want.

“You can have that hideous sofa”

” No, you have the sofa and the ugly ornaments…”

Mums usually in the same room, rolling her eyes.