I've Slowly Watched Myself Become a Douchebag

[dave b]

Thread title says it all....you watched it happen................and you didn't do anything to stop it ..............SHAME ON YOU.

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

i don't understand small dogs.

Watches? cool

scooters? they're fun

Small dogs? just... why?

 

[LocoTex]

Unless you have sunk this low your fine....

View attachment 537877

Now that I'm older I've made it my life's work to not turn into one of these.

 

[Crotch]

i don't understand small dogs.

Watches? cool

scooters? they're fun

Small dogs? just... why?

I thought they were called cats

 

[nauc]

tell me this aint yours....

 

[Thunder Dump]

Like the title says, I think I'm a douchebag. The signs are all there. There is no denying it. I'm just living the douchebag life!

1. I have one of those cutesy 10 pound dogs. My last dog was around 50 pounds which is actually not that big. I use to laugh at people with small dogs, but in a comedic way. Never to actually put down other dog owners. Yup, tiny little doggy, first douchebag point.

* I actually love Chewie. He's really a great dog, and part of my family. Actually the favorite of my family.

2 (A) I vape. I'm not talking tobacco vape. I don't mean those concentrated thc vapes. I'm talking dried herb vape. The community is incredibly pretentious. The worst part is we know we are douchebags. We know we look like douchebags doing it.

2(B) Since dispensaries I'm at least as pretentious if not more so than the wine snobs. Seriously, it's funny when you think about it. You got what you got back in the day.

I'm giving myself five douchebag points on these.

3. Let's talk my watch selection. I'm pretty much always home. After I walk chewie in the morning I'm in considerable pain. Anyway, I wear various G-Shock watches. Oh, all except one is a Master of G. Anyway, the Master of G's are very bulky, and loaded with features that virtually no one needs. They are incredibly tough, but when I was in the Air Force I wore a cheap timex watch with a plastic crystal. That was plenty tough enough.. It's kind of much more tough than it needs to be in almost any condition. I wear them to watch TV and sleep.

On the case of the watches have some coolness factor I'm going with 1/2 point. A side note Casio Pro-Treks are as good as, but a fraction of the price.

4. And the final douchebag evidence against me, I drive a scooter. Now normally I would just rank this as sad or pathetic. I unfortunately have a euro-trash scooter (sorry to my European mates, it's just sarcastic hyperbole) which is a pretentious scooter. It's a really great scooter, but it's pretentious, overbuilt to a detriment to the owners in body work if needed, and charged top dollar for it. Again, I love my scooter, but I'm not immune to the douchebaggary.

I'm gonna go with 5 points.

How do y'all rank in the douchebag?

All that's missing are multiple bracelets (and you're not going to be on the stage performing) and a shoulder bag that doesn't carry a laptop.

 

[Pop1655]

Douches copy. They’re not original.

Your dog: coolest dog ever. I was so happy when you did that. Know you struggled with it.

G-Shocks tell time and don’t cost an arm and a leg. Sensible move.

The scooter: made perfect sense when you told the story. Mega bonus points for upgrading to the real deal.

Only thing that might concern me is we’re not familiar with your wardrobe choices. That might shine a different light on things.

 

[Crotch]

Are you wearing any sports team jerseys with your own last name on the back and some original number like "69".......

 

[Leumas]

Like the title says, I think I'm a douchebag. The signs are all there. There is no denying it. I'm just living the douchebag life!

1. I have one of those cutesy 10 pound dogs. My last dog was around 50 pounds which is actually not that big. I use to laugh at people with small dogs, but in a comedic way. Never to actually put down other dog owners. Yup, tiny little doggy, first douchebag point.

* I actually love Chewie. He's really a great dog, and part of my family. Actually the favorite of my family.

2 (A) I vape. I'm not talking tobacco vape. I don't mean those concentrated thc vapes. I'm talking dried herb vape. The community is incredibly pretentious. The worst part is we know we are douchebags. We know we look like douchebags doing it.

2(B) Since dispensaries I'm at least as pretentious if not more so than the wine snobs. Seriously, it's funny when you think about it. You got what you got back in the day.

I'm giving myself five douchebag points on these.

3. Let's talk my watch selection. I'm pretty much always home. After I walk chewie in the morning I'm in considerable pain. Anyway, I wear various G-Shock watches. Oh, all except one is a Master of G. Anyway, the Master of G's are very bulky, and loaded with features that virtually no one needs. They are incredibly tough, but when I was in the Air Force I wore a cheap timex watch with a plastic crystal. That was plenty tough enough.. It's kind of much more tough than it needs to be in almost any condition. I wear them to watch TV and sleep.

On the case of the watches have some coolness factor I'm going with 1/2 point. A side note Casio Pro-Treks are as good as, but a fraction of the price.

4. And the final douchebag evidence against me, I drive a scooter. Now normally I would just rank this as sad or pathetic. I unfortunately have a euro-trash scooter (sorry to my European mates, it's just sarcastic hyperbole) which is a pretentious scooter. It's a really great scooter, but it's pretentious, overbuilt to a detriment to the owners in body work if needed, and charged top dollar for it. Again, I love my scooter, but I'm not immune to the douchebaggary.

I'm gonna go with 5 points.

How do y'all rank in the douchebag?

Hoo boy, alright, this hits close to home.

1) after having a 90 pound lab and a 200 pound Saint Bernard...we have a Boston Terrier. She is the best dog ever. I also have a 60 pound collie who after not wanting to get another dog has become my boy totally. Even though my wife got him behind my back, even she says that he’s “my” dog. So I’ll give myself 3 points since I still have a mid-size dog.

2) I also vape. I vape to not smoke tobacco cigs and hope to get off that soon too, so I’ll go 3 points again.

3) I have an insane number of watches that also have features I don’t understand. 5 points.

4) fellow scooter driver. Honda 49cc. It’s just fun. 5 points.

5) lastly, I get angry at people when they can’t perform simple tasks and I let them know it. I got flagged for getting a prescription filled out of my home state. They didn’t call my doctor, they didn’t call their sister store where I normally get it, they called the receptionist at the drs office who doesn’t know me and turned it down. She got a piece of my mind. I’ll go 10 points on that.

I think that takes me to 36.

 

[acstorfer]

I tried

Do you tuck in your t shirts?

Too fat

Do you have a beard and a man-bun?
Oh God no!!!!!

See where he landed? Right on his chin. That's why I'm sporting a SNELL rated full face helmet.

That's a good start. But, don't settle for simply being a Douche Bag. Anyone can do that.

With a little hard work and perseverance, you too can become a full blown asshole, like me.

Douchebag would be a step up for me.

You should wear a shirt with Master of G's printed on it.

Find me that t-shirt and I'll gladly wear it.

i don't understand small dogs.

Watches? cool

scooters? they're fun

Small dogs? just... why?

When I got chewie I lived in a development that went from 30 pound limits to 20 pounds. I didn't want the board up my ass so 10 pounds it is. I'm glad it worked out that way. Chewie is awesome.

 

[acstorfer]

Hoo boy, alright, this hits close to home.

1) after having a 90 pound lab and a 200 pound Saint Bernard...we have a Boston Terrier. She is the best dog ever. I also have a 60 pound collie who after not wanting to get another dog has become my boy totally. Even though my wife got him behind my back, even she says that he’s “my” dog. So I’ll give myself 3 points since I still have a mid-size dog.

2) I also vape. I vape to not smoke tobacco cigs and hope to get off that soon too, so I’ll go 3 points again.

3) I have an insane number of watches that also have features I don’t understand. 5 points.

4) fellow scooter driver. Honda 49cc. It’s just fun. 5 points.

5) lastly, I get angry at people when they can’t perform simple tasks and I let them know it. I got flagged for getting a prescription filled out of my home state. They didn’t call my doctor, they didn’t call their sister store where I normally get it, they called the receptionist at the drs office who doesn’t know me and turned it down. She got a piece of my mind. I’ll go 10 points on that.

I think that takes me to 36.

Are you my daddy?

As far as your scooter goes you're being too hard on yourself. The "cool" scooterers ride on the Japanese models. Twice as dependable, half the price. Still though, love my scooter.

 

[acstorfer]

All that's missing are multiple bracelets (and you're not going to be on the stage performing) and a shoulder bag that doesn't carry a laptop.

Close enough to a shoulder bag?

 

[acstorfer]

 

[Crotch]

Oh noooo, not the designer back pack with water bottle holder....... I was really thinking no to douche based on the original post, but this does not help the cause

 

[Guy Named Sue]

I tried


Too fat



See where he landed? Right on his chin. That's why I'm sporting a SNELL rated full face helmet.

Douchebag would be a step up for me.

Find me that t-shirt and I'll gladly wear it.

When I got chewie I lived in a development that went from 30 pound limits to 20 pounds. I didn't want the board up my ass so 10 pounds it is. I'm glad it worked out that way. Chewie is awesome.

 

[Roxy13]

I'm becoming an old bag hag.

1. I have a mastiff over 100lb but I now have 3 cats. You know you are a crazy old lady once you have 3 cats.

2. I also vape, but not to smoke tobacco. I accept I might vape forever but I've worked my nic down from 18mg/mL to 3.5mg/mL over the years. I haven't smoked a cig though since May 5, 2014 after failing to quit previously using every other method known to humankind.

3. I look for clothes and shoes that are comfortable now instead of fashionable. I don't even know what's fashionable right now lol. I'm still a chick though so yeah, I have a closet filled with shoes to go with all my guitars.

 

[Sharky]

 

[acstorfer]

Oh noooo, not the designer back pack with water bottle holder....... I was really thinking no to douche based on the original post, but this does not help the cause

Just a North Face. Cheapest color I could get.

 

[Sharky]

Just a North Face. Cheapest color I could get.

did you get the matching fanny pack?

 

[brokentoeswalker]

If i had to be a douche i think i'd go Sweet romance. Island splash sounds messy.