If you put your kids first, you're doing it wrong

Joeydego

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I think this article has an interesting take and is hard to argue against.




There are really no wrong perspectives but I will say this much: when your kid has been first his or her whole life, has no respect for authority because they were raised to be a god and ends up unemployed, living with you into their 30s and you get a call from central booking they just got out of the ER because they bought a face full of pepper spray, the rest of the world probably wasnt the asshole here.

YOU are no good to anyone unless you're squared away. "I put my kids first" is a nice bumper sticker, but first and foremost you dont eat, you dont make it to work to provide. YOU are first.

So, go on and discuss.
 

DADGAD

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I think it seems the most socially acceptable required answer when asked who are the most important people in your family. I hear so many parents who say they do everything for their kids, to the point where they neglect themselves, physically and emotionally. How can you give to your kids if your glass is empty?

Very interesting article.
 

EDS1275

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weird. wonder how many people who, while wishing other parents would raise their kids up right so to speak, would go berserk yelling, "don't tell me how to raise my kid... mind your own business" if another person happen to criticize them
 

Platte City Paul

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I think it comes down to semantics. My kids are first in that my wife and I had them, so we have nothing in our marriage right now more important that trying to raise decent, responsible humans. That isn't the same as putting the kids' desires first. "No" is a frequent word around our house.
 

Tobin1634

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How can you give to your kids if your glass is empty?

Very interesting article.
this is so damn true! The other part of this is that if you don't take anytime for yourself and give it ALL to the kids, then you will be miserable and be a worse parent!
 

Dun Ringill

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That sums it up neatly. I remember being told "children are to be seen, not heard." Something went south somewhere along the way.
 

Joeydego

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There's this guy on social media who seems to martyr himself at the expense of his wife and kids. "the wife said this is the last guitar Im buying, so it had better be a good one". Then he posts a pic of a designer widget a few days later (item intentionally not mentioned) that he bought instead of the guitar he wanted because "he loves his wife". Then claims to have zero time to play any guitar at all due to both kids taking up every spare moment.

The wife who just got the designer bag cant watch the kids an hour a day for YOU time?

Thats not a family thats slavery.

Your wife cant possibly have any respect for you this way, its almost a certainty she will blow someone else. Your kids will move out when they get older. You'll have nothing left because you failed to look out for #1.
 

Ed B

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I think it comes down to semantics. My kids are first in that my wife and I had them, so we have nothing in our marriage right now more important that trying to raise decent, responsible humans. That isn't the same as putting the kids' desires first. "No" is a frequent word around our house.
Exactly.

I'd answer the first question the same way. The kids are most important to us. That doesn't mean we neglect each other or other aspects that make the family whole. And can we assume it's a given that the family would need parents to thrive? :laugh2:

My answer to his "why?" would be....because the kids aren't ready for the real world yet. Until then, they are the focus.
 

danohat

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That's why I just bought another guitar. Thanks, Joey.
 

Joeydego

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That's why I just bought another guitar. Thanks, Joey.
Mines on the truck for wednesday.

One day my kids will know of the big brown truck bearing gifts and waiting at home for the delivery. Im not cheating myself out of that.
 

Guitarhack

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I think it really comes down to priorities.

My wife and I are on the same page when it comes to raising our kids. Taking care of, providing for, guiding, and properly raising responsible, functional and respectful adults is our goal.

That doesn't mean that everything they want they get. That is not putting your child first. Doing that does a disservice to them as well as everyone that will have to deal with them. I also think this is a matter of semantics and degrees as well. Do we as a family go without somethings so that my kids have more opportunities available to them? Absolutely, raising kids, paying for athletics, academic activities, and college is not cheap. But they are worth it because they are helping our kids mature, and develop into better adults.

When my wife and I became parents, we took on the responsibility of ensuring our children were provided the fundamental basis, the opportunities and tools they needed to succeed in life. That is my priority as a parent.

To an extent, our lives and the things we liked to do before they were born became secondary to that goal.
 

Joeydego

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I think it really comes down to priorities.

My wife and I are on the same page when it comes to raising our kids. Taking care of, providing for, guiding, and properly raising responsible, functional and respectful adults is our goal.

That doesn't mean that everything they want they get. That is not putting your child first. Doing that does a disservice to them as well as everyone that will have to deal with them. I also think this is a matter of semantics and degrees as well. Do we as a family go without somethings so that my kids have more opportunities available to them? Absolutely, raising kids, paying for athletics, academic activities, and college is not cheap. But they are worth it because they are helping our kids mature, and develop into better adults.

As parents my wife and I are responsible to ensure that our children have the fundamental basis, the opportunities and tools they need to succeed in life. That is my priority as a parent.
do your priorities as a parent overshadow your priorities to yourself or as a spouse?

Do you intend on financing 100% of college for your kids?

I know a man 72 years old that still works paying off his mortgage that should have been paid 20 years ago. Told me the biggest mistake he ever made was putting his kid thru veterinarian school. Told me dont make the same mistake. I agree with him.

I have a good chunk of money for college, but they'll pay some of it too. Why should it be free to them? Im not learning anything at all, they are. One thing they need to learn right out of the starting gate is theres no free lunch!
 

northernguitarguy

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Geez, is everything 'all or nothing'? On some things, my kids do come first. On other things they don't.
 


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