How to get your family and friends to stop talking about politics

[MichaelAndrew3435]

Now now, this is absolutely not a political post. I am a big fan of the no politics rule here at MLP. I wish I could establish a similar set of rules for the real world, or my family at the very least. I know this isn't an easy task (it's hard enough for the mods to police it here), but I'm just seeking some advice. Let me tell ya a recent tale so you can understand my frustration.

Let me start off by saying I don't give a flying f*** about people's political beliefs. I have mine, and I have no desire to share them with 99% of the population, nor do I care what other people generally believe. If I'm spending time with my family, the last thing I want to do is talk about politics, or other hot button social issues. We're at this point of political volatility in our country where almost no one is ever going to agree or change their mind, and almost no one can carry a civil conversation about anything relating to politics. Even if people are going on about things I agree with, I still don't want to hear it. There are a million other things we can talk about, and I'm confident those conversations will be much more enjoyable. I'm a believer that politics aside, we all have more in common than most people want to believe.

So onto my recent tale, I'm in my 30's and I'm married. My wife and I are expecting our first child. I live in South Florida but I'm originally from New York (Binghamton area). We thought it'd be nice, pleasant, and fun to visit my parents in New York and surprise them with the news. For the most part, we had a good time, however my father was surprisingly being a bit of a pain in the ass and I was a little hurt and disappointed. We were only up there for the weekend and he essentially contributed nothing to any conversation regarding his future Granddaughter. The only thing he wanted to do was talk about politics and social issues. For the first 24 hours, he attempted to instigate a political discussion on multiple occasions. Every attempt, me and my mother had to steer the conversion elsewhere or just ignore him. At attempt number 6 or 7 in less than 24 hours, I politely and respectfully requested him to please stop with the politics. That lasted for about 2 full hours before he started again, and this time I got upset.

We don't agree on anything political but that's not even the point, I just don't want to discuss it because I know the conversations are going no where and there's a high probability they'll get nasty. This one got nasty, but not because of politics, I was more upset at the fact that he seems to give 0 shits about my future child (his Granddaughter), and 0 respect for everyones request for him to please stop trying to instigate these discussions no one wants to talk about. He gave a half-assed apology after things got nasty, and I asked "Are you going to stop with the politics?!" to no reply. It was a quiet, awkward ride home to the airport the next day. On my way out of the car, he apologized to both me and his daughter in-law as we headed to the gate. I thought it was over at that point lol.

Well I thought wrong. I kid ya not, he texts me the next day about the same political nonsense that started the blowout fight. I just replied and said, "I love and respect you dad, you were an awesome father and I wouldn't be here today without your guidance. I really wish you would stop with this political banter because it's nothing but toxic garbage that's destroying the relationship between you and our family". I again asked if he would agree to please stop instigating political arguments with me, my wife, sister, and brother. He never replied.

Let me be clear, I'm not upset because of what he believes. He's a grown ass man and he can believe whatever the hell he wants and I'll still love him anyways. My father in-law can be the same way and he rants about stuff I mostly agree with and it's equally annoying, but at least my in-law will shut up if my wife asks him to. I've run out of ideas to make this go away. Part of me believes there's an underlying cause for this type of behavior. Like maybe I did something to piss him off and he's trying to find a way to get back at me? I have no clue. We had a fairly good relationship growing up and he was never like this with the political crap. Ironically, he always talked about how much he hated politics. Man, I wish I had my old dad back, and it'd make me feel better if he showed any interest in his future grandchild. It's just kind of sad. What do you guys think?

 

[GySgtFTL]

His house. His rules.

 

[fett]

You could have talked about how much you love your Lester.

 

[MichaelAndrew3435]

His house. His rules.

Actually this happened at my mothers house. They're separated. But even if it were his house, why the hell would you make your guests miserable and ensure a shitty time for everyone? That's some shitty, narcissistic hospitality.

I suppose the "my house my rules" mentality is cool if you don't want your friends or family to ever enter your house. But he'll often complain when his family doesn't want to spend time with him, so I'm not sure what isn't clicking in his head. It doesn't really excuse dickish behavior, nor does it warrant any sympathy if this is how he wants to treat people.

 

[Gfunk_Minor]

As unfortunate as it is, you may have to just tell him.... "Dad, I'm not going to talk politics. If you persist, I'm going to leave". I had to do that with one branch of my family. So far, so good.

But, this does bring up a much larger issue. If we, in this country, don't learn how to talk civilly about politics pretty soon, I fear there will be no country, or politics to talk about.

 

[TXOldRedRocker]

We have a family rule, that is, me, my wife, three daughters (step for me) and a son-in-law.

Rule: We do not talk about politics, religion or money outside our IMMEDIATE family. That includes parents, siblings, etc.

I'm 60. That was the way I was brought up. That's the way all my friends were brought up. It was a more civil society. You were friends with people based on their character, kindness, etc. You had no clue if their beliefs were the polar opposite of yours.

This current BS of, "if you're not preaching your beliefs to others, then your part of the problem" is a society killer. And we see what it's doing to our society.

I've explained to the kids what it used to be like. (I know Boomer crap. Don't care. It WAS better back then.) They agree that discussion of politics, religion and money has damaged some of their friendships.

So now, if anyone brings anything up, including my dad, my father-in-law, my sister, and so on, it is immediately shut down, "Sorry, but we have a family rule that no one talks about these things outside our home."

 

[Zylo]

best way to do it..

like at work, when someone tries to bring up politics, i simply say, sorry mate, i dont do politics. its all the same to me.

 

[MichaelAndrew3435]

As unfortunate as it is, you may have to just tell him.... "Dad, I'm not going to talk politics. If you persist, I'm going to leave". I had to do that with one branch of my family. So far, so good.

But, this does bring up a much larger issue. If we, in this country, don't learn how to talk civilly about politics pretty soon, I fear there will be no country, or politics to talk about.

My bother already did this. Blocked his number and everything. I don't want to do the same, but if it gets bad enough, I might have no other option.

 

[MichaelAndrew3435]

We have a family rule, that is, me, my wife, three daughters (step for me) and a son-in-law.

Rule: We do not talk about politics, religion or money outside our IMMEDIATE family. That includes parents, siblings, etc.

I'm 60. That was the way I was brought up. That's the way all my friends were brought up. It was a more civil society. You were friends with people based on their character, kindness, etc. You had no clue if their beliefs were the polar opposite of yours.

This current BS of, "if you're not preaching your beliefs to others, then your part of the problem" is a society killer. And we see what it's doing to our society.

I've explained to the kids what it used to be like. (I know Boomer crap. Don't care. It WAS better back then.) They agree that discussion of politics, religion and money has damaged some of their friendships.

So now, if anyone brings anything up, including my dad, my father-in-law, my sister, and so on, it is immediately shut down, "Sorry, but we have a family rule that no one talks about this things outside our home."

+111111111111

This is exactly what my family needs. Literally everyone wants this EXCEPT my father. He is exactly what you just described. The "If you're not preaching your beliefs you're part of the problem". This is the type of shit both sides want you to do. If a full grown man can't agree to cool it with the politics for the sake of his family, then maybe some folks here are right. The only option is to excommunicate.

 

[Gfunk_Minor]

My bother already did this. Blocked his number and everything. I don't want to do the same, but if it gets bad enough, I might have no other option.

I wouldn't go that far. As long as your not willing to listen you might miss an opportunity.
I give my family just enough rope to hang themselves, so-to-say. But, as soon as things veer of the rails, I remind them, and if that doesn't work. Out the door. As my wife likes to say "reinforce the behavior you expect".

 

[Tone deaf]

Ask him point blank: "Dad, you know that you and I don't agree on a lot of political stuff. So, why do you persist to beat me over the head with it?"

I only talk politics with one of my many BILs. We'll grab a few scotches, find a quiet place and kick back and let it all out. By the time we get to the dinner table, we're good.

 

[MichaelAndrew3435]

Ask him point blank: "Dad, you know that you and I don't agree on a lot of political stuff. So, why do you persist to beat me over the head with it?"

I only talk politics with one of my many BILs. We'll grab a few scotches, find a quiet place and kick back and let it all out. By the time we get to the dinner table, we're good.

Tried it. It doesn't seem to register in his head, or change his "I need to preach this to everyone or I'm part of the problem" mentality.

 

[pnuggett]

My wife and I just got back from eight days in the U.S. Virgin Islands. It was a family get together and there were 12 of us in all. We rented two large beautiful homes near each other and would hangout at the one with the largest pool when we weren't at the beach, restaurant or bars. We had two vans so we could do different things if we wanted. Anyway I know that a lot of my family have different political views than me but politics never came up. Not once. Thank Jah.

 

[Thundermtn]

Sounds like he believes everything the TV or radio says. Any chance you could get him to turn all that crap off? Regardless of your level of red or blue, less programming is a good thing.

 

[Tone deaf]

Tried it. It doesn't seem to register in his head, or change his "I need to preach this to everyone or I'm part of the problem" mentality.

That's too bad for you and your children. Hopefully, he will come to see that his behavior is damaging his relationship with you and the grandkids.

My kids have great relationships with my parents. When my ex and I split, I never said a bad word about her or aired any of our dirty laundry with them. I always supported her maintaining her relationship with my parents (independent of me) in large part because I didn't want to harm the dynamic or put obstacles between my parents and my kids.

 

[Marshall & Moonshine]

You’re not trying to insinuate that our parents grow old, are you?

Politics has always seemed like what people talk about when they really don’t have something else to talk about and talking about the weather makes that too obvious.

I’ll add that I’ve been seeing “If you don’t preach this then you’re part of the problem” thing (or various forms of it) more and more around the DumDum pages.
If they say it to me I’ll simply reply that I’m part of the landscape, nothing more.

 

[ErictheRed]

I've had the same problem with my father, I love him but his constant political bickering and ranting have ruined many family gatherings. I once had a long heart-to-heart with him where he admitted that he did this mostly because he was deeply unhappy, and that seemed to help for a while. It helps him to spend time with his two -year-old granddaughter (my girl) also, I think that reminds him of the important things in life.

Keep being firm with the no-politics rule and try to get him to talk about family stuff is my advice for you. He needs another, happie-but-still-important-to-him topic (how's religion or spirituality as a topic in your family?). Things may improve a lot when he sees his grandchild.

 

[MichaelAndrew3435]

You’re not trying to insinuate that our parents grow old, are you?

Politics has always seemed like what people talk about when they really don’t have something else to talk about and talking about the weather makes that too obvious.

I’ll add that I’ve been seeing “If you don’t preach this then you’re part of the problem” thing (or various forms of it) more and more around the DumDum pages.
If they say it to me I’ll simply reply that I’m part of the landscape, nothing more.

I don't think it's really about getting old. None of my grandparents did what he's doing. My mother, nor do any of my Aunts do it. I think it's the world we live in and isn't necessarily age related. I see young people do the same.

 

[fry]

It wouldn’t have to turn into an ugly argument if everybody would just admit I’m right. Still working on that part, I’ll get back to you.

 

[KSG_Standard]

I have a brother that can't/won't shut up with the politics and anger...we have all just learned to ignore or even snicker at him. He either shuts up or leaves the room for a while to chill out. It's not perfect, but I've figured out that if nobody engages him he has no where to go with the argument and I get to control whether I get mad or drawn in to the whole thing, not him.

My family has always been able to discuss politics, religion, philosophy, whatever, without a lot of rancor. I remember long conversations about all sorts of topics at the dinner table when my brothers and I were young and my parents would have guests over...nobody ever left in a huff. It seems like it's only been in the past 10-15 years that things have really deteriorated to the point where we are now.