Funny, Odd or disgusting things that happened at work-

[Blues4U]

Have you ever had a really funny, disgusting or disturbing thing happen to you at your place of work?


This can go back to first job as a teenager, all the way up to being an executive at a fortune 500 company--


My first job at a real place of business, was at a gas station that had 3 full serve pumps, 3 self serve pumps, 2 self serve car wash bays, one hand wash bay with full detail services, tire repair, full service oil changes etc---All these services were performed by completely untrained teenagers, lol--of which, I was one!


I could write a book of funny, weird, odd and disgusting things that happened, just at this job in a year and a half-


This was 1981----My Junior year in HS--

I pumped gas (great way to meet/meat chicks back in the day) changed oil, washed cars--all that stuff-

An old guy comes in to wash his car in a self service bay. Its fvcking winter and cold as $hit. The guy is washing the car (which cost him a whole .50 cents for 4 minutes) the guy comes to me with his car completely lathered up -- we just got one of the fancy new brushes that shoot soap out of them and allow to you simultaneously wash and scratch the shit out of your car---

The guy comes up to me, bitching and raising hell telling me that his car is not clean and the car wash shut down---To which I look at him and ask (How much money did you put in?) and he says .50 cents, but it barely ran a minute and my car is still soaped up---Now, in nearly a year of working there, I had never had an issue with the timers on the machines--They always ran the pre determined amount of time--But I humored the guy and went into the maintenance room and pushed the by pass timer and gave him a couple extra minutes so he wouldn't harass me anymore.

I came out and told him I gave him 3 more minutes and that should be enough to get the soap washed off his car--

I explained, once again, that the wash would last 3 minutes, and if he wanted or needed any more time, he could add 25 cents at a time until he was finished, as the car wash wasn't .50 cents until your car is clean--its .50 cents for 4 minutes--

To make a long story short, this guy comes to be 3 more times bitching that his car isn't clean and we advertise that a "car wash cost .50 cents " at our place--yada yada yada--

Now this guy is being a total douche bag------ Much like Thundergod--


He comes to me a 5th time----Now each time this guy came to me previously, I gave him an extra 3 minutes--plus his initial 4 minutes--16 fvcking minutes of car washing time for an older Cadillac is more than enough time to scratch the shit out of it with our new fangled brushes and wash all the soap off of it 3 times----


The last time he came to me, raising hell, demanding more time, I just told him he was going to have to put more money in the machine, as I wasn't giving him any more time-I think I said "My boss will fire me if he finds out I gave you any free time"


This guy goes completely apeshit----starts a rant of biblical proportion and storms back into the bay, jumps in the Caddy, fires that mother up, with a 8 inch thick layer of foamy soap from one end to the other, puts the peddle down, backs out of the space at about 20 MPH, cuts the wheel, runs over a trash can, pulls it into drive, floors it (with people and cars everywhere) and proceeds to drive through our parking lot, through the entrance and hits a big ass boulder that the owner had placed there to try and keep old fvckers from coming over the curb and running into our gas pumps (which seemed like it happened every week) this rock was the size of a small car and probably weight 1000 pounds, he drove it out into traffic in the street, smashed his own bumper in, jumped out of the car and screamed "MOTHER FVCK" at the top of his lungs---Then went to get back into his car but got tangled up with the door and slung it forward completely springing it--- Then he really goes nuts and kicks his rear quarter panel and dents it, then jumps back into his foam covered gas hog and screams the owners name and vows to kick his ass.

While this guy is driving down the road, with virtually all of his windows covered in foam soap, he flips on his wipers and smears the shit all over and tears off down the road-

Now, we have traffic dodging a Yugo sized boulder in the middle of the street, about a dozen customers standing around saying "WTF" and a couple of girls pull in and want me to pump their gas. I tell them that I need to figure out what to do with OUR rock that is in the middle of the road and I can't right now-- The chick says "If you pump my gas, I'll show you my pu$$ey" to which I said-- "OK" and I walked over to the car, she hiked up her skirt and showed me the goods. I put the hose in the car and figured I should talk to this chick for a while and see some more of her, stuff-- The driver asks me if I am "B4U" to which I say yes, she asks what time I get off work, I tell her and she claims she will come back and she will perform certain unspeakable acts on me if I can find a date for her friend. I tell her I will see what I can do--take her money, send her on her way--

Now I am back to having a giant rock in the road, cars honking and people wondering how our cornerstone of the entry way got knocked into the East bound lane of "A street" I get a brilliant idea--Call our bosses friend who lives 2 blocks away and owns a wrecker service and see if he can get the rock out of the road-- Guy comes, drags rock back into place and as he's leaving says "Tell D#$@ he owes me 25 bucks" and leaves.

All this stuff happens about 15 years before cell phones are available to the masses, so I have the dilemma of how do I find a date for one of the two young hotties that want to party-???

There were two of my buddies that I was certain were cool enough not to screw this deal up--

So now, I start working every person I know that comes in for gas that might know one of them--I tell them to have them come see me ASAP--"Its an emergency" About an hour after the APB's are sent, one of the guys shows up and I fill him in on the sure thing that awaits us---I instruct him to "go get beer for us, and cherry vodka for the girls. You only have an hour and a half----) "

30 minutes later, Tony drives by--Honks at me and gives me the Thumbs up

We're in--------


About this time, the bossman pulls in and asked "anything exciting go on tonight?"

to which I said "well, a really grumpy guy came in and washed his car, got pissed that he couldn't get his entire car clean for .50 cents, I gave him extra time, he wanted more, I told him no. He got really pissed, left with soap all over his car and windows, knocked our rock into the street, got out, got really pissed, threatened to kick your ass, drove through town trying to kill everybody. I called Mark to pull our rock back into the driveway, he said you owe him 25 bucks. A girl showed me her bush while I pumped her gas, said she would blow me if I could find her friend a date. I got in touch with Tony, he's in-we have booze-He's coming back at quitting time, so are the girls--

He looked at me and laughed, slapped me on the back and said "Sounds like a typical Friday night at Thrift T Gas" and walked into the store--

Then he came out and said "did the guy call me by name when he threatened to kick my ass?" I said Yep-- He went back in-

He came back out and said "good thinking calling Mark" I said thanks--He went back inside.

He came back outside and asked "do you have enough beer, of do you want me to get you some?" I said we got beer for me and Tony, I'm sure he got enough, Cherry Vodka for the girls" He smiled and went back inside.

Then he came back out and said are the girls fat or good looking? I said "They are hot as hell!"

Boss said "Dayum Lucky Bastage" as he walked back inside-----

 

[JeffBlue]

So....did the girls happen without a hitch?

 

[JeffBlue]

Have you ever had a really funny, disgusting or disturbing thing happen to you at your place of work?


This can go back to first job as a teenager, all the way up to being an executive at a fortune 500 company--


My first job at a real place of business, was at a gas station that had 3 full serve pumps, 3 self serve pumps, 2 self serve car wash bays, one hand wash bay with full detail services, tire repair, full service oil changes etc---All these services were performed by completely untrained teenagers, lol--of which, I was one!


I could write a book of funny, weird, odd and disgusting things that happened, just at this job in a year and a half-


This was 1981----My Junior year in HS--

I pumped gas (great way to meet/meat chicks back in the day) changed oil, washed cars--all that stuff-

An old guy comes in to wash his car in a self service bay. Its fvcking winter and cold as $hit. The guy is washing the car (which cost him a whole .50 cents for 4 minutes) the guy comes to me with his car completely lathered up -- we just got one of the fancy new brushes that shoot soap out of them and allow to you simultaneously wash and scratch the shit out of your car---

The guy comes up to me, bitching and raising hell telling me that his car is not clean and the car wash shut down---To which I look at him and ask (How much money did you put in?) and he says .50 cents, but it barely ran a minute and my car is still soaped up---Now, in nearly a year of working there, I had never had an issue with the timers on the machines--They always ran the pre determined amount of time--But I humored the guy and went into the maintenance room and pushed the by pass timer and gave him a couple extra minutes so he wouldn't harass me anymore.

I came out and told him I gave him 3 more minutes and that should be enough to get the soap washed off his car--

I explained, once again, that the wash would last 3 minutes, and if he wanted or needed any more time, he could add 25 cents at a time until he was finished, as the car wash wasn't .50 cents until your car is clean--its .50 cents for 4 minutes--

To make a long story short, this guy comes to be 3 more times bitching that his car isn't clean and we advertise that a "car wash cost .50 cents " at our place--yada yada yada--

Now this guy is being a total douche bag------ Much like Thundergod--


He comes to me a 5th time----Now each time this guy came to me previously, I gave him an extra 3 minutes--plus his initial 4 minutes--16 fvcking minutes of car washing time for an older Cadillac is more than enough time to scratch the shit out of it with our new fangled brushes and wash all the soap off of it 3 times----


The last time he came to me, raising hell, demanding more time, I just told him he was going to have to put more money in the machine, as I wasn't giving him any more time-I think I said "My boss will fire me if he finds out I gave you any free time"


This guy goes completely apeshit----starts a rant of biblical proportion and storms back into the bay, jumps in the Caddy, fires that mother up, with a 8 inch thick layer of foamy soap from one end to the other, puts the peddle down, backs out of the space at about 20 MPH, cuts the wheel, runs over a trash can, pulls it into drive, floors it (with people and cars everywhere) and proceeds to drive through our parking lot, through the entrance and hits a big ass boulder that the owner had placed there to try and keep old fvckers from coming over the curb and running into our gas pumps (which seemed like it happened every week) this rock was the size of a small car and probably weight 1000 pounds, he drove it out into traffic in the street, smashed his own bumper in, jumped out of the car and screamed "MOTHER FVCK" at the top of his lungs---Then went to get back into his car but got tangled up with the door and slung it forward completely springing it--- Then he really goes nuts and kicks his rear quarter panel and dents it, then jumps back into his foam covered gas hog and screams the owners name and vows to kick his ass.

While this guy is driving down the road, with virtually all of his windows covered in foam soap, he flips on his wipers and smears the shit all over and tears off down the road-

Now, we have traffic dodging a Yugo sized boulder in the middle of the street, about a dozen customers standing around saying "WTF" and a couple of girls pull in and want me to pump their gas. I tell them that I need to figure out what to do with OUR rock that is in the middle of the road and I can't right now-- The chick says "If you pump my gas, I'll show you my pu$$ey" to which I said-- "OK" and I walked over to the car, she hiked up her skirt and showed me the goods. I put the hose in the car and figured I should talk to this chick for a while and see some more of her, stuff-- The driver asks me if I am "B4U" to which I say yes, she asks what time I get off work, I tell her and she claims she will come back and she will perform certain unspeakable acts on me if I can find a date for her friend. I tell her I will see what I can do--take her money, send her on her way--

Now I am back to having a giant rock in the road, cars honking and people wondering how our cornerstone of the entry way got knocked into the East bound lane of "A street" I get a brilliant idea--Call our bosses friend who lives 2 blocks away and owns a wrecker service and see if he can get the rock out of the road-- Guy comes, drags rock back into place and as he's leaving says "Tell D#$@ he owes me 25 bucks" and leaves.

All this stuff happens about 15 years before cell phones are available to the masses, so I have the dilemma of how do I find a date for one of the two young hotties that want to party-???

There were two of my buddies that I was certain were cool enough not to screw this deal up--

So now, I start working every person I know that comes in for gas that might know one of them--I tell them to have them come see me ASAP--"Its an emergency" About an hour after the APB's are sent, one of the guys shows up and I fill him in on the sure thing that awaits us---I instruct him to "go get beer for us, and cherry vodka for the girls. You only have an hour and a half----) "

30 minutes later, Tony drives by--Honks at me and gives me the Thumbs up

We're in--------


About this time, the bossman pulls in and asked "anything exciting go on tonight?"

to which I said "well, a really grumpy guy came in and washed his car, got pissed that he couldn't get his entire car clean for .50 cents, I gave him extra time, he wanted more, I told him no. He got really pissed, left with soap all over his car and windows, knocked our rock into the street, got out, got really pissed, threatened to kick your ass, drove through town trying to kill everybody. I called Mark to pull our rock back into the driveway, he said you owe him 25 bucks. A girl showed me her bush while I pumped her gas, said she would blow me if I could find her friend a date. I got in touch with Tony, he's in-we have booze-He's coming back at quitting time, so are the girls--

He looked at me and laughed, slapped me on the back and said "Sounds like a typical Friday night at Thrift T Gas" and walked into the store--

Then he came out and said "did the guy call me by name when he threatened to kick my ass?" I said Yep-- He went back in-

He came back out and said "good thinking calling Mark" I said thanks--He went back inside.

He came back outside and asked "do you have enough beer, of do you want me to get you some?" I said we got beer for me and Tony, I'm sure he got enough, Cherry Vodka for the girls" He smiled and went back inside.

Then he came back out and said are the girls fat or good looking? I said "They are hot as hell!"

Boss said "Dayum Lucky Bastage" as he walked back inside-----

So....what happened?

 

[Blues4U]

So....did the girls happen without a hitch?

One of my more fond memories of being a young dude--Turned out to be a long standing "friends with benefits" sort of situation for me--

The girls heard about me from a friend--Said I seemed like their sort of guy, lol--


I partied with these two girls off and on until I met my eventual wife

 

[Blues4U]

So....what happened?

What we hoped would happen---Then After the girls went home, Tony and I drank the rest of our beer, he puked (like he always did) and I took him home and dropped him off at the door (like i always did) Me and this guy had a lot of fun from the age of 16, 'till I was 25----

 

[artis_xe]

Again. The restaurant business is never dull.

Years ago my girlfriend was working at an Italian Bistro that was very popular with the businessmen after work. I happened to be in the kitchen the one night talking to the owner who is a very good friend of mine.

My girlfriend came into the kitchen laughing after checking back on one of her tables. It seems that the customers were not satisfied with the quality of napkins that they had on the table, so the one gentleman called her over and proceeded to wipe his hands on her long apron.

She thought it was both rude and funny ( you build up a strange sort of immunity in the restaurant business because weirdness is always happening).

The owner (a very old world Italian who has a bit of a mobster complex) asks her with a smile on his face "Which table did that?" She tells him that it was number 12 and very calmly he reaches for a baseball bat that he has near the back kitchen door and walks into the dining area, with me and a few of the kitchen workers in tow trying to stop him.

Table number 12 (4 guys) cleared out so fast when they noticed the commotion heading towards their table. The owner then announced to the rest of the floor, who had taken notice of the situation "Nobody ever uses one of my waitresses as a napkin. Got it ?"

7 years later, when things get tense in the kitchen,he is still hearing that line from time to time

 

[Leendrix]

That was hilarious, Blues. Nothing scarier/funnier than an old man threatening to kick ass.

I had the misfortune of teaching for my friend and former guitar instructor when I was fourteen. I say misfortune because it really cause the friendship/mentorship to end.

One of my first students was a girl (don't get any ideas, guys. ) She was a bit shy, but relatively nice. Her mother though... The fake-rich-snobby kind of nice.

Her mother said she wanted to be able to schedule her daughter's lessons like you would an appointment at a doctor's office. But the only form of scheduling that was done was like, I don't know, nearly every other music instructor?.

You have to sign a contract and pick a day and time out of his or any other instructor's schedule's. That's that - he'd been teaching for around 25 years at this time, so he'd dealt with this crap before. But this lady did NOT understand why we couldn't accommodate to her.

So after four or five lessons with this girl, her mom said that they wouldn't be coming back unless we could "meet her needs", I believe is what she said. My instructor/friend/boss/mentor shook her hand, smiled, and said thank you for your business. Never heard from them again. Which is probably best, because I'm sure her mother would have been a PITA.

"Why isn't she soloing yet? She's got a school performance coming up and she can't solo! I don't get it - six lessons already and she still can't solo - what are you doing?", is the type of things I imagine she'd have said.

Seeing them walk out the door was a relief. My instructor and I got a good laugh from them.

 

[rockstar232007]

Yes.

That's all I'm saying.

 

[SneakySnakeLady]

I work 3rd shift in a hospital, so funny, odd and disgusting happens pretty much an every night lol.

 

[Guitarhack]

going to just copy-paste this since I'm too lazy to retype it:

I work in a prison with a large number of inmates with psych issues.

So here goes, I've seen inmates:
eat their own sh!t like it was a candy bar;
drink their own piss;
and had to wrestle with inmates who covered themselves in their own sh!t and piss;
an inmate gouge his own eye out;
tear off all his finger nails and hand them to me;
bite parts of his arm off;
tear off his testicles;
put razors, pens, pencils, paperclips, various wires in their penis'
swallow razors, pens, pencils, paperclips, various wires, and objects;
put staples and paper clips inside of their arms, legs and develop infections;
have various infections where the flesh has started to rot;
cut themselves;
hang themselves;
thrown off of the tier and land head first;
stabbed;
beaten;
OD

Never a dull moment.

 

[rockstar232007]

I work in a prison with a large number of inmates with psych issues.

So here goes, I've seen inmates:
eat their own sh!t like it was a candy bar;
drink their own piss;
and had to wrestle with inmates who covered themselves in their own sh!t and piss;
an inmate gouge his own eye out;
tear off all his finger nails and hand them to me;
bite parts of his arm off;
tear off his testicles;
put razors, pens, pencils, paperclips, various wires in their penis'
swallow razors, pens, pencils, paperclips, various wires, and objects;
put staples and paper clips inside of their arms, legs and develop infections;
have various infections where the flesh has started to rot;
cut themselves;
hang themselves;
thrown off of the tier and land head first;
stabbed;
beaten;
OD

Never a dull moment.

I'll do you one better, now that you mention it?

I actually work (in a restaurant, nonetheless) with a guy who has done most of these things (minus the "poop/piss, penis and teir-jumping" stuff).

Here's an odd list of what I, and many people (including managers) have seen him do, while working:

- Staple things to his forehead/arms

- Cut himself with pieces of broken plates

- Color the white parts of his eyes with permanent marker

There's way more, but I'm feeling sick just thinking about it.

 

[Comanche]

I worked in prisons for 20 years so yes.

 

[Brazilnut]

ok, so i'm on standby--meaning i'm on call to go in to the flightline, but only if they need me. so i decide f--k it, i'm gonna party with all my friends in this crazy old farmhouse we lived in out in the desert. so i drop a hit of acid, and just as i start to come on to it, i get the call to drive in to the base and go to work. rats! did i mention my job was weapons mechanic? Bombs, missiles, rockets, napalm, fuzes and arming wire, all that stuff. so i get there, trying desperately to maintain, it's about midnight, nighttime's when all the ordnance gets loaded on the air planes, they hand me and three other losers a bunch of work orders and off we go. next thing i remember, i'm in the cockpit of a Phantom loaded for bear, with power on the aircraft, i'm supposed to be selecting various weapons systems while the guys down on the ground are checking for voltages, missile tune, whatever, but i'm lost in all the pretty lights in the dark cockpit. the crew chief's screaming in the headset, wanting to know what week i'm gonna get my head out of my butt, i'm a drooling idiot in a position to pretty much vaporize everything within half a lightyear --really interesting night at work. ended up later sleeping it off [ever slept on acid?] in a jet intake. they're very comfortable, long as nobody starts that engine....

 

[Skintaster]

More than 20 years ago I worked at an artsy foreign movie theater in Houston. Because of it's nature, and the fact that it was located in an underground "mall" that featured marginal entertainment and shopping at best, hardly anyone ever went there... Which was great. I got to see free movies, and got paid for a really cushy job without having to deal with many customers. Some days only twenty would come in.

Anyway, all of the employees were in their early 20s except for the manager who was probably in his mid 30s. He was smarmy and lame, but not completely horrible. One day a toilet was furiously overflowing, and he went in to investigate.

From what he could tell, a customer had shot himself, somehow made it to the restroom without anyone noticing, and had then attempted to flush his soiled pants and underwear down the toilet, managing only to terminally clog them.

He had then somehow, presumably naked from the waist down, made it out of the theater, and to his car in the underground parking lot... At least 200 yards away.

How he did this, no one knew.

Mark, the manager kept trying to convince one of the employees including me to reach down the toilet and pull out the shit clog... Something we just refused to do.

Then he tried to bribe us. When that didn't work he grudgingly had to do the evil job himself.

 

[Gin&Pentatonic]

More than 20 years ago I worked at an artsy foreign movie theater in Houston. Because of it's nature, and the fact that it was located in an underground "mall" that featured marginal entertainment and shopping at best, hardly anyone ever went there... Which was great. I got to see free movies, and got paid for a really cushy job without having to deal with many customers. Some days only twenty would come in.

Anyway, all of the employees were in their early 20s except for the manager who was probably in his mid 30s. He was smarmy and lame, but not completely horrible. One day a toilet was furiously overflowing, and he went in to investigate.

From what he could tell, a customer had shot himself, somehow made it to the restroom without anyone noticing, and had then attempted to flush his soiled pants and underwear down the toilet, managing only to terminally clog them.

He had then somehow, presumably naked from the waist down, made it out of the theater, and to his car in the underground parking lot... At least 200 yards away.

How he did this, no one knew.

Mark, the manager kept trying to convince one of the employees including me to reach down the toilet and pull out the shit clog... Something we just refused to do.

Then he tried to bribe us. When that didn't work he grudgingly had to do the evil job himself.

Did you mean to say he "shit" himself? Either way, it's a funny as hell story

 

[Skintaster]

Did you mean to say he "shit" himself? Either way, it's a funny as hell story

Indeed I did... The stupid "auto fill" option on my ipad strikes again!

 

[KSG_Standard]

I worked in a grocery store while I was in school. One day a couple of us were standing in front of the store smoking cigarettes and a beat up Buick pulls into the parking lot, it's squeaking and smoking and making all sorts of noise...so it drew our attention.

The passenger door opens up and a big woman...had to be pushing 300 lbs, hoists herself out of the passenger seat and proceeds to squat down as best as she could...and takes a dump next to the car. She was wearing a moomoo or some sort of tent dress. She finishes up, stands up, pulls her skirt down and then the driver's door opens up and little man...maybe 5' 3" and 100 lbs, climbs out.

They grab a basket from the parking lot, pass right by us without so much as a look and go into the store to get their shopping done.

 

[KSG_Standard]

I worked in the grocery business for about 7 years in Houston...people don't believe me when I tell them all the things I saw there.

 

[Maynar]

I once saw a woman shake a soiled pad out the leg of her slacks as she walked through a mall parking lot. Barely broke stride.

Doesn't come close to your story tho, KSG.

 

[Gin&Pentatonic]

My funnest and weirdest experiences came while working at a small, public golf course in high school. That place was a hedonistic paradise afterhours if I've ever seen one. The owner and his wife were wealthy and crazy, sadistic horny pieces of ****. I never saw the acts firsthand but there were regulars that would play golf all day, retire to the clubhouse at night, and suddenly just disappear. After working there a few weeks one of the managers filled me in. Basically, the small conference room doubled as "the party pit" where the owner and his buddies would do copious amounts of blow and tag-team his wife. Sometimes other guys wives would get in on it, but the owner's wife was always willing to be completely humiliated in some of the worst ways.

I was really cool with the beverage cart girls. Even had a short-lived sorta fling with one of them. She would give me free beer and show me her boobs and bush. That was awesome.

There was a really weird guy that worked there with me for a while. His favorite thing to do was drive out to a secluded area of the course at night and masturbate......several times. You know how most people have "smoke breaks" several times throughout a shift? Well this guy had "spank breaks" as I called them.

I actually went to this course a few months back just to hit golf balls on a Saturday that I had to myself. I walk in and there's the owner and his wife. They didn't recognize me at all even though I look exactly the same. Put on the same "We're just good ol' folks running a little golf course" dog & pony show I saw them put on hundreds of times to people when I worked there.

"Well that's great" I said as I paid, took my bag o' balls, and headed out to the range.