Corey the North Lander: God of Rock or Canadian Corey: Lumberjack of Rock

djwilbanks

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So I was chatting with VastHorizon on Facebook and we got onto the subject of philosophy. I had this to say about Corey, philosophically speaking.
I have to imagine that people like Corey exist to bring balance to the universe. Somewhere out there this is someone who can do no wrong on a guitar simply because he can do no right.

So we imagined an idea... that if Corey were to go around murdering rock's most influential guitarists, Corey would then increase in his ability to play guitar. So the following is work of fiction, proof on concept of that idea.
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It is an autumn night, a cool breeze blows through the trees as the distinctive sound of Carlos Santana carries over the crowd. Santana is ripping through the solo with unerring precision. His tone, as usual, made his loyal fans nostalgic for a time long-passed. Just then a sound unfamiliar to the crowd rang out. A missed note! Santana had missed the ending note to one of his famous solos when a hooded assassin ran him through with the headstock of one of his own PRS signature models.

"Ay dios mio...," sighed the rocker as he slumped to the ground.

As Santana lay bleeding on the stage, the hooded assassin stood before the crowd, "bow down to your master, Jesus of Suburbia himself! I AM COREY!"

Santana writhed in pain, but was able to bring himself to his feet, "I will not allow you to take my tone, Corey of Suburbia."

"I am sorry, old friend. I must do this, for the girl I hang out with demands that I become a better guitarist. And you know what you must do if you wish to play Carnegie Hall."

Santana pulled the PRS free from his body and spit blood before responding, "Practice?"

"MURDER!"

Corey set himself upon his aging adversary. Santana valiantly defended himself, but he had lost too much blood. Corey was able to over power the feeble guitarist/bongo player and tossed him into one of the half-stacks which shorted out and caught on fire. As Santana was engulfed in flames, Rob Thomas, off stage, said "like seven inches from a mid-day sun." As roadies came to put out Santana's flaming body, he fell into the crowd which carried his charred corpse away like one, final crowd surf.
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djwilbanks

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After stabbing Eric Clapton with the broken neck of his beloved Blackie he coughed, "why...?"

Corey responded coldly, "Imn in a punk band and I need the chicks."
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On a small publicity tour to promote a new signature model, Slash is confronted by the Lumberjack of Rock.

"I knew you'd come, Corey."

"I'm sick of playing a base Epiphone with a Slash truss rod cover, Saul. Let's end this."

Slash throws his signature top-hat at a charging Corey, barely grazing his cheek.
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I imagine the story ending with an epic battle between Jimmy Page and Corey.

The final lines of the book/story would read something like:

"As Corey descended the Stairway to Heaven with the head of Jimmy Page in his hands and the talent of a thousand slain guitarists in his fingers, he knew his time as God of Rock had finally come."
 

TOMMYTHUNDERS

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highlander.jpg
 

chasenblues

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In order to add some Blues Mojo in his march toward becoming the God of Rock, Corey brazingly confronts the aging bluesman. You could tell from the look in the the old man's eye's that he knew his time had come. As he lovingly put his beloved Lucile into its stand for the last time. The only the only thing he was heard to say was...Ok Corey I'm ready.
 

djwilbanks

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northlander.jpg


Internet here is really slow, I couldn't get any better pic of him to load. Maybe I'll take a crack at a better one tomorrow. :rofl:
 

Hyper

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I'm still struggling with the concept of Carlos getting guitar PWND by Corey! Just doesn't compute for me! :laugh2:
 

jeff_farkas

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"I am sorry, old friend. I must do this, for the girl I hang out with demands that I become a better guitarist. And you know what you must do if you wish to play Carnegie Hall."

Santana pulled the PRS free from his body and spit blood before responding, "Practice?"

"MURDER!"

That is so funny!! :rofl: And "Lumberjack of Rock!!" OMG!!

I really need a laugh.. thanks!

Jeff ;)
 

KP

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That is so funny!! :rofl: And "Lumberjack of Rock!!" OMG!!

I really need a laugh.. thanks!

Jeff ;)

It gives me the mental image of Coreh playing his Epi with a chainsaw. :applause:
 

Rikochet

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It gives me the mental image of Coreh playing his Epi with a chainsaw. :applause:

He could plug the guitar into the chainsaw, and probably get a better tone then he does with that MG :laugh2:
 

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