Boy I feel stupid, didn't see this coming at all.

[Tone deaf]

^ Which is why I'm never getting married. Women have no idea what they even get away with, they just want whatever they think we have. If I'm being misogynistic, sue me. Anytime I have a female boss, they always try to push me around more than other guys do. They are generally the same way in relationships, too.

If you find the right woman, getting married is one of the greatest things you can do. Despite the fact that we divorced, after almost 20 years of marriage, I wouldn't change it if I had to do it all over again. People change. Life is good.

 

[roeg]

Some ****ing friend. I'm never getting married - I can't trust anyone.

Thats the word...trust.It was broken for me.Funny thing is she is crying at night because no-one loves her.(even the kids are down on her often bizarre behavior).She has made overtures...many loosely veiled ones to get back together.I can't go back.I get pain at the very thought.And i suspect a hidden agenda.Might be as simple as not having anyone to keep her company.Or a sugar daddy.Who knows.I ain't going backward.Despite numerous texts ,i won't be drawn back into her convoluted thinking.A lasting relationship is supposed to be more upfront than what we had(or didn't)

 

[Roberteaux]

You're gonna be on what Fracture calls "the rollercoaster" for a while here, pal. Don't be too concerned about that... if you felt nothing at all, you'd be at least a borderline psychopath, if not the full-blown article... and that's a lousy way to live. The price of feeling truly happy is that we must also sometimes be truly sad.

You're lookin' good here, though-- it wasn't you who decided to go and start messing around. You'll never have to curse yourself for having screwed your marriage up. If she wasn't happy being with you, then it's on her for not just laying that on the line. I notice that she was happy *enough* until this boyfriend of hers chucked his old lady, though... so obviously, living with you wasn't some intolerable nightmare from hell or any of that...

Don't feel like a fool. You know, you were lied to by somebody you trusted... and that doesn't make you stupid. The fact that this went on for half a decade doesn't make you stupid, either. Instead it makes those who betrayed you even more despicable than they would otherwise have been, for all their connivance. They never would have gotten away with it that long, had you not trusted both of them.

What Fenn has been saying is rock-solid good advice. Consider the lies she's laid on you all along... you think she wouldn't lie to the cops (or others) to get you into some kind of hot water beyond this divorce crap? Think again!

Just stay away from her and this dude she absconded with. Basically, both of them are pathogens in human form, and you need to be wary of both. Until the divorce is final, consider yourself to be in a sort of cold war situation. You need to think defensively until the papers are signed and she's out of your life forever.

You have the right to view her with contempt. But don't let that turn into true hatred or misogyny, because that kind of thing will hurt you more than it will ever hurt her.

Take care of yourself. You are Number One now, and while that is a reality that you may not be totally happy about, it is a reality nonetheless.

Best luck to you. I've been divorced twice: first wife lasted twenty years, and the second one only eight months. So I guess I'm qualified to tell you: there is life after divorce, and it's a much better life...

...or there wouldn't have been a divorce in the first place!

Stay strong. You WILL survive this!

--R

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

whatever the cost it's probably worth it to get her out of your life forever.

women like that are cancer,..cut it out and feed it to the dogs.

 

[Roberteaux]

,..cut it out and feed it to the dogs.

Reported for animal cruelty!

--R

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

well in this case the dog was a "friend"


... friends like that..

 

[Stinky Kitty]

I hate to hear sh!t like this,brother....best advice I can give you is: Dont take advice. Get yerself a good lawyer ASAP and dont do anything stupid.

Quoted for truth.

And a therapist.
Not because you are sick, you are not.

They are.

You are having perfectly healthy reactions to a very sick situation. Someone who has experience helping people who get ****ed over by the sick bastards in this world can help you from becoming infected by their maladies. Sometimes it is alright that things are -not- okay. Counseling at best is like a healthy diet and exercise for your psyche.

You are not stupid. Their behavior does not define you, it describes them.

 

[LongBeach]

Dude, really sorry to hear about this.
That totally sucks.
As much as I hated my ex, I would NEVER cheat on her.
Hell, I wont mess with a woman that has a boyfriend.
So people are just wired different than others.

Or, just blame their parents for not beating right from wrong into
their heads when they were kids.

 

[barricwiley]

I am dumbfounded.

 

[BuzzHaze]

ahhhhh broads are a dime a dozen. Don't let it get you down for too long. I went through it a few times. I'm happier now than I've ever been.

 

[Gyroman]

Be completely non-aggressive and compliant until after the divorce; keep things civil between yourself and your ex and ex-friend.

In the meantime, find the ropiest skank possible, catch a dose off her, then when the divorce is finalised invite the ex for a celebratory drink. Beg her for one last night together (for old time's sake), give her the dose which she'll then pass on to the ex-friend, then get down to the clinic for a course of penicillin and get on with your life with a smile on your face.

 

[Electric Funeral]

Think about how it will be in 5 years. You'll still have the house, the cars, and new girlfriend.

She'll be single, living in an apartment somewhere or married to some loser she "doesn't love".

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRJWcTYOTso[/ame]

 

[KP11520]

Shoulda bagged his wife when it still would've hurt him! She was butt up asking for it.

No problem!

Get a babe half her age when the separation agreement is sealed and parade her around town. And indulge in that tight body!

All I can say is Next Time: Get a woman who puts as much skin into the game as you do. Equitable on every level. They appreciate the investment, unlike the ones we subsidize because we drink their coolaid. Manipulation is their only card, so expect them to be quite good at it! Making you believe this is the cost to be blessed with their presence. Playing the Machismo against us! But, with a self actualized woman, you'll also have to bring your best. But it will all be worth it.

However, the ones that bring as much as you do (by their own hand) are cut from a different fabric and self actualized. Much nicer experience and way more honest and predictable.

You'll be fine unless you won't give that to yourself. So.... You know what to do. AND go see a therapist. They are equipped to help you get through this in a HEALTHY way, rather than all the crap we will spout! (some good mind you!) LOL

Hang in there. I know this sucks! But now it is and you have to play your hand. Play to WIN!

 

[mtgguitar]

Your soon to be ex deserves little mercy.

I'd like to elaborate on this.

I went through a divorce several years ago and I tried to be fair and civil. If I had it to do over I would have been as greedy and selfish as my ex was. She was insane and I was a nice guy.

Your wife has demonstrated that she is a deceptive, dishonest, lying, backstabber. She thinks you are a naive doormat.

Her bad attitude and behavior will only get worse during the divorce. Do whatever it takes to protect yourself. Get her out of the house, change the locks and give her only her property. When she turns on the charm and the tears; laugh at her and hangup or run.

 

[WaywerdSon]

Revenge. I never been through the divorce thing, but I had a couple of crushing break-ups and I found that banging a hot younger sister or best friend was the best medicine. Dose heavily on Viagra or Cialis so you can wear her out, and as you leave the room, tell her, "Just think, (ex-wife's name) used to have that EVERY night.

 

[ZWILDZR1]

I am still numb feel like the guy in the Matrix movies you find out your life has been a lie and not at all what you thought it was. I really loved them both and that hurts. I liked his wife and could have easily developed feelings for her. But you just don't do that to a friend. It's not suppose to be just do what makes you feel good and forget everything else. I got a good lawyer recommended by mine who gets things done for men and he's not cheap but it will be worth it in the end. She called and asked about the car. I told her the lawyer is handling it along with everything else. I asked about the mortgage and her part and she said she had to go couldn't talk. Anytime if she calls and ask for stuff I will just ask about her part of the bills and see what happens.

I remember being at a party not that long ago having a beer with several guys talking and my so called best friend told me what he would do and I missed it. Everyone was talking about this guy they knew who slept with another guys fiancé when the girl showed up one day at his house. My buddy made a face like the cat who ate the canary and said, " Hey if she threw it in my face I would have f****d it too." At the time I didn't really think of it being anything more than a couple guys just rapping. But now I see it as him being truthful about what he would do and was in fact doing. I totally trusted him. Not to let her off the hook cause she threw it right in his face and he did what so many dogs do. I wish they had just told me six years ago and they could have been together all this time. I would have just let her go and moved on. The deception was totally un necessary. Oh wait a minute, his wife who was screwing her boss hadn't left yet that's why. I never gave it much thought about what I could have done with her cause he was my best friend and I thought our friendship was worth more than a few moments of pleasure. I can't even think of speaking to him now. She did what many women do when their in heat. He was a very good friend his betrayal hurts the most. This isn't the first time she stepped out on me. She admitted her mistake and I thought we put it all behind us. I guess a leopard can't change it's spots after all. Plus I really believe she just wasn't being honest about what she wanted.

 

[LongBeach]

You did the right thing, remember that.
She didn't.

 

[JMV]

Well, you have the opportunity to walk away from all of this with your head held high. In my book, that's worth a lot.

 

[dave b]

Z, I know where you're coming from, and I feel your pain. I was living your original post almost word for word 20 years ago. Wife just up and left; no warning. Difference is, I didn't find out about the cheating with one of my best friends till almost two years later. Until then, nothing made sense to me. That was the worst two years of my life, because, like you, I really loved my wife, and she could never bring herself to tell me the truth, or to truly explain anything. Remember, things could be worse (at least you know what's going on), although it probably doesn't feel like that right now. I don't envy you the next few months, and I have no extra advice to add, but it WILL get better. Might take a while. 32 years is a lot of memories. Best wishes.

 

[Drew71]

I am still numb feel like the guy in the Matrix movies you find out your life has been a lie and not at all what you thought it was. I really loved them both and that hurts. I liked his wife and could have easily developed feelings for her. But you just don't do that to a friend. It's not suppose to be just do what makes you feel good and forget everything else. I got a good lawyer recommended by mine who gets things done for men and he's not cheap but it will be worth it in the end. She called and asked about the car. I told her the lawyer is handling it along with everything else. I asked about the mortgage and her part and she said she had to go couldn't talk. Anytime if she calls and ask for stuff I will just ask about her part of the bills and see what happens.

I remember being at a party not that long ago having a beer with several guys talking and my so called best friend told me what he would do and I missed it. Everyone was talking about this guy they knew who slept with another guys fiancé when the girl showed up one day at his house. My buddy made a face like the cat who ate the canary and said, " Hey if she threw it in my face I would have f****d it too." At the time I didn't really think of it being anything more than a couple guys just rapping. But now I see it as him being truthful about what he would do and was in fact doing. I totally trusted him. Not to let her off the hook cause she threw it right in his face and he did what so many dogs do. I wish they had just told me six years ago and they could have been together all this time. I would have just let her go and moved on. The deception was totally un necessary. Oh wait a minute, his wife who was screwing her boss hadn't left yet that's why. I never gave it much thought about what I could have done with her cause he was my best friend and I thought our friendship was worth more than a few moments of pleasure. I can't even think of speaking to him now. She did what many women do when their in heat. He was a very good friend his betrayal hurts the most. This isn't the first time she stepped out on me. She admitted her mistake and I thought we put it all behind us. I guess a leopard can't change it's spots after all. Plus I really believe she just wasn't being honest about what she wanted.

Well he is a "stick it, where it is given"...and his wife was/is looking for satisfaction elsewhere too...sounds to me your "buddy" is busy banging everything that isn't his.....also sounds like once it is his, he has no more interest in it. Enjoys the hunt, as they say...your ex is gonna love that. Speaking of your ex. It also appears you knew she was one to get around...and tried to be the "nice guy". Likes attract likes. It is what it is and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Dragging your feet around all droopy faced talking about living in the Matix, isn't going to help...

I now, even more...stand by my words. Your "buddy" did you a solid.

Fight for yours, don't be nice about it. FIGHT and listen to your lawyer. When it is all finished, thank him. Seriously, just politely walk up and thank him and express that your only regret is they didn't tell you 6 years ago...that dude's head will be scrabbled eggs....trying to figure out what it is your talking about...he'll learn the hard way.....

He deserves her, she deserves him and you deserve better. If nothing else, please remember that.