Bad day for me.

Oldskoolrob

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I got a message from my Ex Wife's solicitor yesterday that she intends on breaching our court ordered child custody orders and will be keeping one of my sons from me (he's 14). She hasn't given any reason - emergent or otherwise. She also hasn't alleged any action on my part that would justify witholding him from me. Today she turned up with one of my two sons and left without saying a word. So I have one boy but I can't get in touch with my other by email or on his phone. His little brother (that I have) said that there was nothing out of the ordinary today and the other one was ok last time he saw him. There was no trouble/arguments/warning leading upto this and I am gutted and stumped. The Ex is saying it's the eldest boys 'wishes' but I can't verify that because she is preventing contact (I assume - as he's not answering his tech which he would normally do). It's been a very bad day for me. I will start legal proceedings against her, but we all know how that will go.
 

Oldskoolrob

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I've spoken with my lawyer and all things considered it's not yet a Police matter. In fact because I'm a LEO myself I can't even really get a car around to see if he's ok because it could be alleged as harassment.


Just got a text from him and he says he's ok. So at least there's that.

Still - no warning - massive kick in the nuts. We had such a good week together last week.
 

Roberteaux

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Really sorry to hear about this... this situation truly sucks. Glad that at least he texted you!

Hang tough... like every other damned thing that can happen to a fella, this too shall pass.

Just stay strong and slug it out in court... who knows, maybe they'll actually surprise you.

--R
 

toymaker

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Sorry to hear.

The bad, courts are slow as hell.

The good, your boy is 14 - he will have a chance to be heard and the courts have seen this before.

At 14, a judge realizes both that a minor is old enough to have a say in the matter, and presumably is subject to undo influence by one parent. No 14 year old is level headed and above feeling pressure to please. If your ex is pushing this on him - it will come out.

Likely to be court ordered counseling/review and from there amendments can be made.

Smart move not involving police. Unless there is a demonstratable fear of safety - it rarely goes well when one party tries to use law enforcement to apply pressure/create issues. Bottom line - SHE broke a court order. She is now on the defensive and has demonstrated bad faith. Dont drop to her level and anger the judge. Let them see it for what it is and deliver justice as they see fit.
 

LPCM&BFG

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Can you not call Child Wellfare Services to have them check as this is an "emergency" ? Essentially, she has kidnapped your son....
 

Howard2k

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It's difficult when that happens. It could be a multitude of reasons. Maybe his mother has convinced him to stay home. Maybe he just wants to hang out with his friends this week. Who knows. I wouldn't worry too much about it just yet.

Don't take it personally (from him) and be careful about any sort of knee-jerk reaction.

When I was 14 I know that there would have been times when I wanted my own say as to what happened on any given day. And I know that there would have been times when I wanted to go against the grain, for the sake of going against the grain.

Ultimately he's getting older, and it might be that a rigid structure becomes less suitable. At the same time, is 14 old enough for him to make his own decisions there? (If that is the case?). And if 14 isn't old enough for him to have greater say over his schedule, what about 15? Or 16? Or 17?

Ideally you and the ex need to figure out how much control he gets to have over his schedule and then when you both agree you can advise him. Then everyone knows where they stand (including him).

Mostly I'm assuming that it's him being a 14 year old that is the root of the issue. But as I said, it could be any reason.
 

Freddy G

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I got a message from my Ex Wife's solicitor yesterday that she intends on breaching our court ordered child custody orders and will be keeping one of my sons from me (he's 14). She hasn't given any reason - emergent or otherwise. She also hasn't alleged any action on my part that would justify witholding him from me. Today she turned up with one of my two sons and left without saying a word. So I have one boy but I can't get in touch with my other by email or on his phone. His little brother (that I have) said that there was nothing out of the ordinary today and the other one was ok last time he saw him. There was no trouble/arguments/warning leading upto this and I am gutted and stumped. The Ex is saying it's the eldest boys 'wishes' but I can't verify that because she is preventing contact (I assume - as he's not answering his tech which he would normally do). It's been a very bad day for me. I will start legal proceedings against her, but we all know how that will go.
Sorry to hear. All I can say.
 

slug_maine

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I wouldn't make too much of it until you actually talk to him. He is a 14 year old. Might just be looking to assert a little independence. We were all there once.
 

madmusicltd

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I feel your pain... It is awful that the lawyers need to be involved too, just that phone call is costing you a lot of $$$ ... I';m afraid to call my lawyer he totally overcharges me... Hopefully this will blow over, don't do or text anything regrettable it will get used against you... I just texted my ex to see if I could see the kids for dinner on Monday since it is a holiday and got refused... Just being male puts you in a defensive position...
 

KP11520

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Life isn't hard enough already? I feel for you!

Just a heads up on something that's happening here in the US, that might also be getting some traction there....

This WOKE crap. Your son is at that exact age where they test and commit to this whole cult. Most LEOs I know say it like it is with their own spin and colorful embellishments added. LOL Not saying that's you, but some kids are conflicted when they are exposed to it and would rather avoid exposure and/or confrontation.

Me, I prefer people who say it like it is for real. Then I have information I can work with for real. Teens are flooded with mostly garbage via too many pathways. Most are conflicted and confused already.

I'm just putting this out as something to consider so if it might be a factor, you can get on the front side of it!

WOKE means scrambled YOLK! LOL It's happening for real here. And dividing families.

Hope this helps!
 

Oldskoolrob

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So after a night of reflection I'm feeling better. I'm very disappointed with my boy and angry at her stupidity to let him have his way. But that's just who she is... a shit parent. So we'll go through the process of putting her in front of a magistrate and see what happens. Thanks for the support and letting me vent here.
 

Tone deaf

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That sucks. I feel for you.

If she is preventing you from seeing your son, as prescribed in a previous court order (like your divorce decree), she is in contempt. Seek an emergency hearing to find her in contempt. He's 14, he's opinion doesn't matter as it relates to an existing court order. You have to serve her notice, asap.

The fact that she dropped the younger one with you is proof that she doesn't think that you are a danger to your sons.

If he has a problem with you, he needs to put on his big-boy pants and talk to you about it.
 

Olds442

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a lot of great advice here.

all i can add is i feel for you and have been there. our divorce didn't get ugly until it was finalized and then shit hit the fan. stay strong, do the right things.
 

Oldskoolrob

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So I haven't heard anything from my boy, the Ex or her lawyer for a few days. Granted it's the weekend though.
But even the lack of his moody selfish teenage presence is tearing a hole in me. It's very similar to when she did a runner. I've filled in all the legal paperwork to have the matter heard at court. On I trudge.
 

Bluesky

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So I haven't heard anything from my boy, the Ex or her lawyer for a few days. Granted it's the weekend though.
But even the lack of his moody selfish teenage presence is tearing a hole in me. It's very similar to when she did a runner. I've filled in all the legal paperwork to have the matter heard at court. On I trudge.
You can always ask the Police to do a welfare check on him. We do it all the time.
 


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