Autism thread

[gibsonguitar1988]

Thank you both very much.

Darth, I wish the best for your son.

 

[darth550]

No, thank you and THANK YOU!

 

[Pop1655]

I just think that underscores a lot of what's been said.
I don't know why we can't develop the ability to better understand people on their terms.
It seems we can only measure with a mirror. That's our shortsightedness and our loss.
Anyone, whether it be just a running bud or a companion, who made the investment to get to know you would be rewarded 10 fold.
The qualities you bring to the table can't be found just anywhere. Someone who lacks the petty BS that weighs the rest of us down is a rare find as well.

 

[Ed B]

Austin, your story nearly brought me to tears. No one should have to go through those of things. Keep your head up. You can and will come out on top. Do not give up!

 

[gibsonguitar1988]

Thank you very much everyone. I really, really appreciate it.

I try to stay as optimistic as I can, although it can get hard when mud starts getting slung my way. I've learned to either duck or sling it back.

 

[Harmony]

Thank you very much everyone. I really, really appreciate it.

I try to stay as optimistic as I can, although it can get hard when mud starts getting slung my way. I've learned to either duck or sling it back.

It broke my heart reading your post and yes with tears. But not just because of what you have been through, but also because you come here to tell your story and give encouragement to others. You spoke from the heart and I felt it all.

Though my son did not go through any where near to what you have gone through, I can relate to part of it.
My son had a very difficult time at school himself. He had adhd and a number of other issues related to that and stuttering.

He was constantly bullied, at first the school did nothing. He would hurt himself because of it. He believed the things the kids told him, he would be so frustrated that no one believed him that he would punch his face with his fists, bang his head and told me he wanted to die

They first thought he may have aspergers but it turned out to be adhd among other things. Similar traits and behavior at times.
He was not a naughty child but hyper and distracted easily. Gullible too. Kids would make him do things using him as a fun game, which he would get into trouble with, not the kids who led him to do it. Very spiteful children, sadly and they went unpunished.

So I educated myself. In England a parent can go on the board of the school. I did. I wanted to be a voice for parents, especially those with special needs and I wanted to tackle bullying in school.
I did classes in Education policies and special needs. I was going to learn all there was.

I fought the school in making sure my son got the needs he was entitled to and had every doctor/speech therapist, child guidance specialist back me. Thankfully in England, things like that are free. Maybe some waiting periods but at least you can get to see the specialists and get help in a variety of areas, so I made sure I found it.

I helped parents know their rights, made sure that the school were making progress with the needs of the children (goals, special needs assistants, outside specialists involvement, doctors) and to tackle that bullying.
It took time but it got there eventually. Schools can quite easily turn a blind eye, push the children with autism out of mainstream into special schools because they do not want to spend the time or money for them.

I stopped my son being taken out of mainstream and once he got the help he needed, he excelled. He stopped hurting himself and for once he enjoyed going to school. It was a long road but he got there.

I also got myself involved with groups that organized outing or vacations with the children. Some of those parents had never been anywhere before and the children never got to go to some of the cool places other children took for granted. With special passes, there were no waiting in lines, being around crowds and so on. It catered for everyone perfectly. Makes me smile remembering those days. Seeing the smiles and laughter on those kids.


I am sorry to ramble on. As some would say, women talk to much

With all that you have been through, I admire you for your determination, strength and having a good heart. I can understand some of the hurdles you face and can still face but please let me tell you..there are some good people out there that will take you for who you are.

If you want a writing pal..My pm box is open anytime to you. My American English is sometimes screwed up but hopefully you'll understand me

You keep that head up as mentioned above

 

[gibsonguitar1988]

Thank you Harmony.

I hope your son continues to do well and what an amazing job you've done as his advocate and for others. As me and my family have learned, it's a must as some schools and staff just don't care, kids don't care, other parents don't care, and even some adults don't care. Without them advocating for me with teachers, administrators, doctors, and people I'd be even worse off.

It doesn't help I live in the middle of nowhere in a small town in Illinois with a population of 1,200. A lot of "old school" teachers and administrators and my mom and dad fought tooth and nail to make sure they did right by me, and when they started to refuse doing anything, they moved me to another school, one my mom actually works at as a school psychologist. As I said, the school was much better and the kids were nicer but I was so traumatized I couldn't handle the school environment. Homeschooling was the answer and while it's not perfect for everybody, I feel my self-esteem would have been better if I was homeschooled and saved my social interactions for an older age. The PTSD as a result ruined that for me. Even anything regarding "school" or "teaching" makes me uncomfortable. I taught myself how to play guitar as the thought of "lessons" made me have goosebumps, and not the good kind. I had some friends who helped me and mostly learned online. There are certain trigger words for me that fill me with a combination of anger, fear, or anxiety, and most of them have to do with school.

 

[Justin_Case]

...... Even anything regarding "school" or "teaching" makes me uncomfortable. I taught myself how to play guitar as the thought of "lessons" made me have goosebumps, and not the good kind. I had some friends who helped me. There are certain trigger words for me that fill me with a combination of anger, fear, or anxiety, and most of them have to do with school.

You are clearly very intelligent, finding the ways to " work around " things is survival at it's finest. Being able to teach / learn for yourself it the best one of all.

Your intellect is what allows you to envision all the things that bring on the fears and anxiety. Your intellect is what will also make you move forward. Always slower than anyone would like, but steady progress is the goal.

If you know your trigger points, it's only a matter of time and exposure to these things, with incremental successes until you over come all of them.

 

[Pop1655]

This thing is just full of good reads!

 

[Pop1655]

 

[gibsonguitar1988]

So much yes....as an adult with autism, I still feel that way.

 

[Harmony]

Thank you Harmony.

I hope your son continues to do well and what an amazing job you've done as his advocate and for others. As me and my family have learned, it's a must as some schools and staff just don't care, kids don't care, other parents don't care, and even some adults don't care. Without them advocating for me with teachers, administrators, doctors, and people I'd be even worse off.

It doesn't help I live in the middle of nowhere in a small town in Illinois with a population of 1,200. A lot of "old school" teachers and administrators and my mom and dad fought tooth and nail to make sure they did right by me, and when they started to refuse doing anything, they moved me to another school, one my mom actually works at as a school psychologist. As I said, the school was much better and the kids were nicer but I was so traumatized I couldn't handle the school environment. Homeschooling was the answer and while it's not perfect for everybody, I feel my self-esteem would have been better if I was homeschooled and saved my social interactions for an older age. The PTSD as a result ruined that for me. Even anything regarding "school" or "teaching" makes me uncomfortable. I taught myself how to play guitar as the thought of "lessons" made me have goosebumps, and not the good kind. I had some friends who helped me and mostly learned online. There are certain trigger words for me that fill me with a combination of anger, fear, or anxiety, and most of them have to do with school.

Thank you My son is continuing doing well. He is 22 now and achieved so much over the last few years. I am proud of him, I've always have.

The PTSD thing, I can also relate to. I suffered from it for some years over some trauma in my life, but I managed to find ways to avoid those triggers now. It took some time and I did have a wonderful counselor to get there.
It is very hard and it does depend on the extent of the trauma that caused it. I can only imagine from what you have said here, how much it has affected you.

I think you have done extremely well teaching yourself guitar. I remember seeing some of your collection too, you've done well

With all the things that have got in your way, you are talented and not let that stop you from learning something new. Teaching yourself is not easy for many.
You are a good writer too, if you don't mind me saying.

 

[gibsonguitar1988]

You are clearly very intelligent, finding the ways to " work around " things is survival at it's finest. Being able to teach / learn for yourself it the best one of all.

Your intellect is what allows you to envision all the things that bring on the fears and anxiety. Your intellect is what will also make you move forward. Always slower than anyone would like, but steady progress is the goal.

If you know your trigger points, it's only a matter of time and exposure to these things, with incremental successes until you over come all of them.

Thank you. I'm trying to be more open about things, and trying to get over fear. It's one thing that still lingers over me.

I felt that maybe if someone reads my story, even if only one person had, and it could make a difference or help them, it was very much worth it to me.

 

[gibsonguitar1988]

Thank you My son is continuing doing well. He is 22 now and achieved so much over the last few years. I am proud of him, I've always have.

The PTSD thing, I can also relate to. I suffered from it for some years over some trauma in my life, but I managed to find ways to avoid those triggers now. It took some time and I did have a wonderful counselor to get there.
It is very hard and it does depend on the extent of the trauma that caused it. I can only imagine from what you have said here, how much it has affected you.

I think you have done extremely well teaching yourself guitar. I remember seeing some of your collection too, you've done well

With all the things that have got in your way, you are talented and not let that stop you from learning something new. Teaching yourself is not easy for many.
You are a good writer too, if you don't mind me saying.

Thanks! I didn't enjoy school, but English was something I did well with as well as keyboarding.

I'm a words guy, not a numbers guy. I never got above basic addition/subtraction and even then I still have to use my hands. Numbers and sometimes even symbols confuse me still. I did not do well in Math, it was by far my worst subject.

 

[Laggspike]

Thank you. I'm trying to be more open about things, and trying to get over fear. It's one thing that still lingers over me.

I felt that maybe if someone reads my story, even if only one person had, and it could make a difference or help them, it was very much worth it to me.

I personally think more people has read your story than you think in here

and on top of that, you got nothing to be afraid of in here

I have been open about my ADHD for a good while now, both on forums and IRL, and it DOES help with the fear thing! Now (For me) i can just openly say that i got ADHD, and if somebody reacts in a bad way to that, i can just ignore them, without being mad or something, as it just shows how horrible person they are

just keep it up mate, you are doing a good job with working with your "problems" (Gifts really..)

 

[Harmony]

Thanks! I didn't enjoy school, but English was something I did well with as well as keyboarding.

I'm a words guy, not a numbers guy. I never got above basic addition/subtraction and even then I still have to use my hands. Numbers and sometimes even symbols confuse me still. I did not do well in Math, it was by far my worst subject.

You know, you are doing something that I did myself some years ago and that I try and live by. Turning something negative into something positive and helpful to others.

Opening up and telling your story I am sure has helped some who have read it or will read it. It gives a better insight and understanding from your perspective and experience. I am sure it wasn't easy to write what you did but I thank you for sharing it with us.

It wasn't just your content that kept me reading what you wrote, it was how you wrote it too. Not too many people can write so well through the keyboard

 

[gibsonguitar1988]

You know, you are doing something that I did myself some years ago and that I try and live by. Turning something negative into something positive and helpful to others.

Opening up and telling your story I am sure has helped some who have read it or will read it. It gives a better insight and understanding from your perspective and experience. I am sure it wasn't easy to write what you did but I thank you for sharing it with us.

It wasn't just your content that kept me reading what you wrote, it was how you wrote it too. Not too many people can write so well through the keyboard

Thanks! I do try to stay positive, sometimes I can be bitter about things but I come around....my problem is I tend to get stuck in a loop of bad thoughts and it's very hard to kick them. I'm in one this week and I'm fighting it.

 

[gibsonguitar1988]

Also, on the guitar end of things:

I was never into music as a kid... I was indifferent to it. Sadly, I would try to listen to what the kids in my class were listening to in effort to gain their friendship but it never worked and if there is something I've learned is to never let someone take advantage of you or make you feel like you have to do something that is not you. So I was listening to stuff like the Backstreet Boys, lol, and stuff I truly hated but I tried to do it to be "cool".

In 2002 my parents bought me a guitar in hopes I'd learn as I loved the movie School Of Rock - I wanted an SG. I got one and a Marshall practice amp. I tried ONE lesson and it just didn't work. I hated it. I was going through enough troubles with "school", anyway.

Then in 2004 my parents took me with them to an Aerosmith concert. I wish I could say this is what lit the spark, but no. But I like to think it subconsciously did something.

Finally, in 2007 a family friend of my parents was in a horrific car accident, he survived but is in a very bad state and he always had tried to get me into guitar as something to occupy my time. After the second hospitalization for suicide attempts in 2006, in 2007 I decided to explore my parents music collection out of sheer boredom. Also because of my family friend. I listened, and I immediately associated with a song. As soon as it came on, I felt chills. When it got to what I learned as a guitar solo, I was immediately in a trance. It was the Eagles' "Hotel California".

That week, I dug the old SG and amp out of the attic (luckily we kept them), and I printed off a chord chart from the internet and googled "easy songs to learn guitar". I learned A Horse With No Name within a couple days. I then had to learn other chords and three chord songs. I watched a lot of YouTube videos on how to play, how to play certain songs, how to solo, how to play riffs, etc.

That next year, I noticed a local (and I do mean local as we live out in the middle of the country) guitar store opening. I went in and met with Steve, who became a friend and a bandmate. I had NO sense of timing. I was a rusher and over that year I learned timing. Not by lessons, but the fact there was a circle guitar jam every Saturday. I was scared to death, but he helped me out of the shell and I learned I'm more confident with a guitar on than without. He started inviting more people to jam and I got comfortable with it and picked up a LOT from the other guys. Some became friends, some were indifferent to me. We then started a local Eagles tribute because we both loved their music, called the "Stone Eagles". We played together around for about 2 years, and then he had other things come up and the drummer and bass player did as well.

I have a small group of people who are accepting of me, and make an effort to interact with me regularly. Those four guys became true friends. They helped me, without making it feel like a lesson, and without paying for them.

Without guitar, I honestly feel I would have tried suicide again (I in recent years have been obsessed with fear of death so that's out of the picture now). It gives me something to do and introduced me to a small group of people in real life and online who I wouldn't give up for the world.

I became a classic rock fan, and I started listening to older music and music like Aerosmith. I was reminded that I saw them in 2004, but I don't remember much of it as I've mentally blocked out certain aspects during my childhood as a result of trauma and some of the good things I have forgotten as well.

Unfortunately, when my depression is bad, I lose interest in everything, including guitar. But if I force myself to play, it makes me feel better.

 

[freebyrd 69]

Thank you very much everyone. I really, really appreciate it.

I try to stay as optimistic as I can, although it can get hard when mud starts getting slung my way. I've learned to either duck or sling it back.

I am glad that Dave revived this thread, and I read your entire post......twice.

Listen brother, if you ever need an ear, call me....reach out. Please. Friends can be made here beyond the keyboard. Dave (Darth) is proof of that, as is Sct13, and several others.

I have never actually met Dave because he lives across the country, but consider him a great friend. We talk a few times a week.....at least. I see Sct13 quite regularly.....I moved in with my girlfriend in June, and he lives about a mile from us!

While many people often have great intentions, and at heart are very caring, it really takes someone who deals with these kinds of issues on an almost daily basis to "get it".

With your life experiences, and the hand you have been dealt, you do "get it". Use it. Use it to help people....some how, some way. In doing that, you will help yourself.

You have a lot to offer this world. Your story is inspiring to me....as Dave said, you ARE a warrior. My daughter is too, as are the other people, kids, and families in this thread who deal with these things daily.

Thank you for sharing your story. My phone number is no secret around here. Lol. I put it in any FS thread I have.....feel free to use it. Seriously.

 

[darth550]

Thank you Harmony.

I hope your son continues to do well and what an amazing job you've done as his advocate and for others. As me and my family have learned, it's a must as some schools and staff just don't care, kids don't care, other parents don't care, and even some adults don't care. Without them advocating for me with teachers, administrators, doctors, and people I'd be even worse off.

I could write a book about the experiences I had with school administrators and IEP's. I have been through every aspect of the process including mediation with a judge to retain his services, where at the end the school district's atty tried to screw him again in legalese. I read what she had written, just stared at her and said, "Are you kidding me after all this time? To which she replied, and I'm NOT kidding, "Well, I had to try". The judge actually yelled at her. Another school admin just stonewalled me with no explanation and tried to completely strip him of all his services due to budget cuts and a bohemian yahoo of a Principal who had a hard on for special needs kids, like they brought down the school's image in an artsy and affluent part of Venice, Ca. But she was stupid. In a candid conversation I got her to admit (into my phone's voice recorder) to taking services away from kids because she was told to. She rambled on to say how easy it was doing it to minority children because "Their parents don't care what happens at school as long as they're out of the house all day" and that she should "Earn a commission for all the money she saves the district"!! I disagreed with the IEP and played the file to the mediator who simply said, "What do you want?", and he got transferred to a better school with all his services. The last straw was in middle school when he got bullied. His IEP specified he was to have supervision in the locker room while changing but the admin sent the guy elsewhere, twice, which is when the bullying occurred. Before that final meeting I learned the specialist had a daughter with Downs that had gone to that same school without services so she felt every kid should too. What I said in that one sent her out of the room crying. They lost... also, as a kicker, someone witnessed a substitute teacher steal his brand new North face backpack and take the money out of his wallet and they still did nothing for fear of reprisal if they officially accused her.

When his state funded ABA started to go away I partnered with a friend, who just so happens to be the Director of the California Dept of Managed Healthcare and not only did he get his private health insurance to cover his therapy almost 2 years before the law passed, he used our case to set the precedent with the State Attorney General. Yes, My son's case was the one that did it so I would imagine his name is rather infamous in insurance company administrative circles! EFF THEM!!!!

I realized that I had to stand tall for him and be his advocate/protector against those who were supposedly there to serve and educate him. I really wanted him to remain in a public school setting but after all the crap, including the bullying, I knew it was time to put him in a private school. He doesn't relate how he feels but I know it hurt him. He is so much more relaxed now that he feels safe it's like he's a different person, even to the point of showing his keen wit.

Another thing I meant to say last night, When I read your first post I actually imagined what would be like if my son could tell me like you did and if he felt some of the same feelings you have and couldn't say.