Are you willing to temper your convictions and opinions for the sake of friendship?

Joeydego

your mom is a nice lady
V.I.P. Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
24,084
Reaction score
38,839
So, in my typical sandpaper on ass fashion, I ran my mouth publicly stating I feel anti vaxxers ought to remove themselves from society if they're not concerned about public health. I wasn't speaking to a friend who saw the post and she was very hurt over it and it has now probably damaged/ended the friendship.

For about 3 seconds I contemplated apologizing.

Then I said to myself fuck that. What am I apologizing for? Im not going to change my opinion on the issue outside of compelling evidence and I was not even addressing this person at the time.

I value my convictions more than friendships. Probably why I really dont have many friends. Im usually the asshole that says what needs to be said, and with little to no bedside manner about it. Granted, I can be a little nicer about wording sometimes, but Ive decided no Im not apologizing because of how I feel. I think not vaccinating is an extremely selfish thing to do and does the people around you a disservice. Im really not looking to discuss THAT here, but do you, the typical MLPer temper your convictions or keep your opinions to yourself in order to not piss people off?

I cant live like that.
 

Uncle Remus

Senior Member
Joined
May 5, 2016
Messages
1,589
Reaction score
3,323
I don't end friendships on opinions or views. My best buddy always goes on these crazy lefty rants and conspiracies and I personally hate all politicians and both parties. We spar for a bit until he is yelling and red faced. He will look up as I am grinnining from ear to ear and say dammit you got me again. He knows that I tend to enjoy the puppet master role pulling strings. I'll then say, why don't we just put on some tunes and remember what really matters to us.
 

smk506

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2009
Messages
4,561
Reaction score
8,290
It depends on the topic, but most of my friends either feel similarly to most issues we discuss, or are intelligent enough to have either not discuss something, or have a reasonable discussion about it.
 

LtDave32

Desert Star Guitars
Super Mod
Premium Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2010
Messages
42,383
Reaction score
140,560
I'm not "that" upset about the language, but I would ask to keep it stifled as this is a "family" site. Auto-screening software will be installed at some point.

As to the subject matter; if it starts fights here (as I've seen anti-vax threads turn ugly), it will be dumped, but not before troublemakers are dealt with.

Otherwise, you may proceed sir..
 

jdto

Pretend Human
Premium Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2015
Messages
2,903
Reaction score
4,209
I agree with your stance, but I'm more likely to let them have their opinions, rather than go off on them. Some fights are worth the energy, but when it's deaf ears and someone I care about (eg. my brother), I have decided to save my breath.
 

LtDave32

Desert Star Guitars
Super Mod
Premium Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2010
Messages
42,383
Reaction score
140,560
Far as the subject of the thread goes:

I have a best friend, ever since high school. We are like brothers, literally. Poor Steve is very gullible to internet 'facts'; he seeks out things from a certain perspective, and then hears just one side of things, usually from his hemisphere of thinking and groupthink.

He seems to think that through his observed internet ramblings, there was no holocaust in Europe during the Second World War. He, through parroting of crackpots on the internet, insists to me that there was no holocaust, that it's all a bunch of trumped-up crap and manipulation foisted upon the public over years and years.

Well, we all know that's just stupid. There are so many verified, factual accounts given, eyewitness accounts of Allied soldiers and Axis soldiers alike that jibed with each other, etc etc etc. The proof is overwhelming. Yet the 'crackpots' and conspiracy theorists involved weren't born until several decades later, zero accounting of it not happening, pure speculation on behalf of their twisted, conspiracy-riddled minds.

And I've tried to use such common-sense with Steve. I tried to apply logic in having him look at the age and experience of the nay-sayers, and look at the age and experience of everyone else. Look at the Nuremburg trials. I even told of my own father's experiences of what he saw (no death camps, but live victims of such camps in transit) to back it up.

No soap, says Steve. Poor, misguided bastard believes them over me, and anyone else I bring to bear on the subject. Still, he's my best friend, he's family. I love him as a friend and brother whom I've shared everything with, from skinned knees to scraped hearts. Over forty years of close, close friendship. I cannot turn my back on him over an "ideology", or train of thought, no matter how lopsided or ridiculous it is. So I deal with it by saying "let's just agree to disagree", and we leave the subject out of all of the rest of our conversations.
 

Joeydego

your mom is a nice lady
V.I.P. Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
24,084
Reaction score
38,839
I agree with your stance, but I'm more likely to let them have their opinions, rather than go off on them. Some fights are worth the energy, but when it's deaf ears and someone I care about (eg. my brother), I have decided to save my breath.
Far as the subject of the thread goes:

I have a best friend, ever since high school. We are like brothers, literally. Poor Steve is very gullible to internet 'facts'; he seeks out things from a certain perspective, and then hears just one side of things, usually from his hemisphere of thinking and groupthink.

He seems to think that through his observed internet ramblings, there was no holocaust in Europe during the Second World War. He, through parroting of crackpots on the internet, insists to me that there was no holocaust, that it's all a bunch of trumped-up crap and manipulation foisted upon the public over years and years.

Well, we all know that's just stupid. There are so many verified, factual accounts given, eyewitness accounts of Allied soldiers and Axis soldiers alike that jibed with each other, etc etc etc. The proof is overwhelming. Yet the 'crackpots' and conspiracy theorists involved weren't born until several decades later, zero accounting of it not happening, pure speculation on behalf of their twisted, conspiracy-riddled minds.

And I've tried to use such common-sense with Steve. I tried to apply logic in having him look at the age and experience of the nay-sayers, and look at the age and experience of everyone else. Look at the Nuremburg trials. I even told of my own father's experiences of what he saw (no death camps, but live victims of such camps in transit) to back it up.

No soap, says Steve. Poor, misguided bastard believes them over me, and anyone else I bring to bear on the subject. Still, he's my best friend, he's family. I love him as a friend and brother whom I've shared everything with, from skinned knees to scraped hearts. Over forty years of close, close friendship. I cannot turn my back on him over an "ideology", or train of thought, no matter how lopsided or ridiculous it is. So I deal with it by saying "let's just agree to disagree", and we leave the subject out of all of the rest of our conversations.
The thing in this case is the person hurt/mad by what I feel never even expressed it to me nor did I ever address her on the issue, she expressed it to my GF who is now trying to smooth things over. I somewhat care, I dont really want to lose this person as a friend but Im not willing to apologize. For what? I didnt do anything wrong and Im not going to change my POV on this issue unless someone can somehow convince me with compelling evidence Im wrong, which in this case pigs would fly first. What do I do? Walk on eggshells and be afraid to voice my opinion forever on everything because I have a thin skinned friend?
 

Sp8ctre

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 8, 2014
Messages
5,087
Reaction score
8,059
I always make my views clear to everyone who knows me. I pride myself on being open and honest about what I believe is wrong and right or where I stand on an issue. You never have to guess...I'll tell you straight up.

Most everyone I know likes it that way and it's why they like me. No secrets, no lies, no beating around the bush. I have lost a few "Facebook" friends, but who cares...they're just acquaintances and not true friends in the first place.

As for the forums...I've learned to read a post and walk away...
 

sk8rat

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 28, 2014
Messages
10,928
Reaction score
14,610
a friend and I used to share a lot of the same opinions but as we got older our perspectives began to differ more and more. we both try to bypass it but often times things can get heated.

a lot of the time I do not take issue with opinions so much as the boasting and the arrogance of how opinions are presented. like political bumper stickers, I don't care who you support, all those stickers are for is to rub opinions in people faces.
 

Joeydego

your mom is a nice lady
V.I.P. Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
24,084
Reaction score
38,839
a friend and I used to share a lot of the same opinions but as we got older our perspectives began to differ more and more. we both try to bypass it but often times things can get heated.

a lot of the time I do not take issue with opinions so much as the boasting and the arrogance of how opinions are presented. like political bumper stickers, I don't care who you support, all those stickers are for is to rub opinions in people faces.
My opinion of if you're an anti vaxxer, I can only respect your position if you completely remove yourself from society.
Now that may be pretty arrogant but how big of an Ahole do you have to be to be of the mindset "I dont care if I kill your infant or your grandfather with disease"?
I'll own arrogance, Im still cleaner in this.
 

Sct13

Premium Member
Joined
Sep 17, 2011
Messages
19,635
Reaction score
24,735
There are some real "Left-Right" opinionated people in my circle of friends, and I try to be diplomatic in my approach when these subjects come up...

What bugs me is some of these people will try to pry into what I'm really thinking in order pass some sort of judgmental ...."judgment" on my beliefs or practicalities as I see them....The problem I see way ahead of time is that it will turn into a melee' of idiocy....(which is why some of these types of conversations are not allowed here)

just where do these opinionated people get off on trying to change everybody else's view point to their one and only view point?

I will not place a friendship "on hold" or end it because of a view point on issues the media has inflated, or an election, or a religion or a some other "heated" discussion ....life is too short to worry about things you ultimately cant change on your own.

I have seen too much real life drama turn to tragedy. Life is just too fragile to waste on stuff like this. If your opinion differs then be honest with each other, if you cant agree to disagree then the friendship wasn't as strong as you might have thought.
 

KP11520

Senior Member
Joined
Apr 11, 2014
Messages
8,498
Reaction score
11,019
I'm sorry if I hurt you. You have to know that would never be my intention to want to make you to be my target. But if I have a different belief system than yours, most likely because of our different cumulative life experiences, why can't we choose to not let that be a divisive wedge that divides so many other good points? And please, come to me next time so we can talk about it like two emotionally healthy people. (put it in your phrasing)

Throw it to the wind and if she fails the olive branch extension, no need to look back or feel bad for a second! She's beyond compromise and mutual respect! Mutual respect doesn't mean it always has to feel or taste good. It just is! And it's a conscious choice to participate in that paradigm.

Unless she's TOTALLY HOT and the possibility of a threesome looms on the horizon! :p:rolleyes::p

Never Mind..... Sicilians have a bad reputation with this subject!:facepalm:

And yes, I'm true to my beliefs. Most of them have been earned the hard way and are NOT regurgitated spoon fed crap because I can't think my way out of a paper bag.

Friends? Wasn't that a TV show?


Always curve balls JD. That and change are the only guarantees!
 
Last edited:

Harmony

V.I.P. Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
16,115
Reaction score
37,820
I' ve been in that situation and I have apologized that I have upset them but explained it is my opinion. I have friends that I don't exactly agree with their opinions on some subjects either. But our friendships are good ones so we don't let that hurt it.

Mal for example...we don't agree on certain subjects and he may upset me at times as I probably do him too. But we remain friends :)
We have had some stern words even :laugh2: but at the end of the day, when it is calmer or a day has past, we carry on as normal. Agree to disagree.

I know I feel better when I have given a branch, even if I did nothing wrong.
 

LPMarshall Hack

Senior Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
5,864
Reaction score
9,863
To answer your thread question:

Sort of.

I have a dear high school female friend. We are polar opposites politically. We don't really talk politics cuz I think her views are treasonous, and she thinks mine are Stalin-Esque.

But she's a lifelong friend and just choose to have fun and party together rather than argue.

When things he heated, we just start reminiscing about smoking weed at her house and raiding the local AM/PM afterwards. We end up laughing and hugging it out.
 

LtDave32

Desert Star Guitars
Super Mod
Premium Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2010
Messages
42,383
Reaction score
140,560
The thing in this case is the person hurt/mad by what I feel never even expressed it to me nor did I ever address her on the issue, she expressed it to my GF who is now trying to smooth things over. I somewhat care, I dont really want to lose this person as a friend but Im not willing to apologize. For what? I didnt do anything wrong and Im not going to change my POV on this issue unless someone can somehow convince me with compelling evidence Im wrong, which in this case pigs would fly first. What do I do? Walk on eggshells and be afraid to voice my opinion forever on everything because I have a thin skinned friend?
Well.. It kind of depends on the importance of the issue. If it's some topic or real-life situation that the both of you are going to be involved in, then you'll have to do what you believe in. And they will have to do what they believe in, unless one convinces the other to change their views.

But.. If it's merely topical conversation, which really has no burning importance, real-life demands, something either one of you is not directly involved with, say "designated hitter; pro con?", "wearing fur; socially acceptable or reprehensible?" "gas guzzling cars; proudly drive that SUV, or go green and go tiny?" then just agree to disagree and don't ruin a friendship over it.

One thing is for certain; you owe no apology for stating something that you believe in, whether you stated it directly to her or not. If your intention was to voice your beliefs and not harm, malign or insult them, then you owe no apology.

I would go with "It's unfortunate that we don't share the same views. However, what I said was not directed towards you and certainly not personal, but I have to stand behind my convictions".

-But the one sticky thing is, you said "removed from society". So I'm guessing she thinks that you think she ought to be removed from society.

If you told me that you think I should be "removed from society" for one reason or another, I'd tell you to "come try and remove me, but bring your lunch. You'll be here a while in the attempt".
 
Last edited:

Digger

Dingo Lover!
V.I.P. Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2012
Messages
6,393
Reaction score
9,863
I've got a good mate who is a poet and very interesting person but we are political opposites!

I dont change my opinion and nor does he but we listen to each other and occasionally it does us both good to understand the other point of view.

Whilst I never compromise my beliefs I am careful what I say, and I shut up a lot. Just like Bill does.

Our differences make the friendship more interesting I think. (They have pet rabbits....grin)
 


Latest Threads



Top