Anyone over the age of 40 pop the question here?

[Fritz]

Obviously you're a man. Traditions are for the woman. She wants the ring, the big wedding, the dress, the vows, the cake, the pictures, the limo, the attention, the honeymoon, you to carry her through the doorway, the wedding night and the whole 9 yards. These are all things that women dream about all their lives. She may say and act like she agrees with your views, but take a moment to imagine how she might feel if you did lavish all of those traditions upon her, and I'm fairly certain you'd envision a much happier and more excited partner; I doubt she'd say no to any of it. All of these things add great memories which you (both) can be proud and fond of in your later years, and those memories can be a powerful recollection during the tough times. They are important to you and especially her.

Men get too caught up in practicality. Sometimes I think if we always had our way with such things, we'd never enjoy anything in life except the bare necessities (plus some extra tools and guitars) - at least, theoretically. Ask yourself what you, as a man, expect to gain from your relationship? Sex, food and beer? You might get plenty of that if you care for her first. A relationship is a lifetime investment if you do it right. It's not always about what you can get from it, it's not even about what you can give - it's about what you can share with each other day-to-day for a lifetime. My wife is my lover and my best friend, and we're coming up on 20 wonderful years in May. I am proud of us. Invest in your partner and she (they) will invest in you - if, indeed, she's a good woman. If not, maybe you shouldn't be together in the first place. And if you can't identify and provide her with what she wants/needs, maybe that's another reason you shouldn't be together.

As for me? I can get joyous about Christmas, but generally I think it's just a big bunch of horse crap. If people can't treat each other with such kindness all year round, why bother faking it a couple/few days out of the year? What good is it to think about the poor, get religious, or be kind once a year? I like the time off from work, but other than that, every holiday is a waste of money (trading cash with people for the benefit of nothing but the department stores, restaurants and credit card companies). But hey - don't call me cynical, call me a "practical man".

 

[bluesaxe]

Why are you in a relationship where an arsenal is necessary?

This. Why does Pat Benatar get to be right?

 

[Jakeislove]

This. Why does Pat Benatar get to be right?

I'm down with "It's you and me against the world".

 

[danohat]

Do like women do. Buy yourself a sexy outfit and wear it just long enough for her to want to boink you.

 

[Byron999]

This. Why does Pat Benatar get to be right?

Hell is for children?

 

[FUS44]

You have any idea the kind of DRONE (I) could have bought with that money?

I thought that was the idea of the ring.

 

[Dilemma]

Pat Benatar

I love her. I'd buy her a diamond bigger than the Taylor-Burton stone then parade her in front of Joey's crib. Nude.

 

[Tone deaf]

So somehow, you can love your parent and at the same time watch them delay their retirement and suffer at the same job they have hated their whole life to put a roof over your head to send you to four MORE years of school you can simply pay yourself? We had a guy getting NIGHTLY NOSE BLEEDS and looked like the walking dead sending his son to medical school. In England. I would have NEVER let my dad do that.

Perspectives change, especially after you sire a few. I do stuff for my kids that I could never have imagined doing, during my pre-kid days. I'm happy to do it (that doesn't mean I enjoy it) as an investment in them and their well being. I don't spoon feed them nor do I cut them undue slack, but if they have a passion, I will do my best to help support it.

Another example is my divorce. I have never, before, during or after our marriage, been disrespectful to my ex (in public or in private). I've never yelled at her nor have I been tempted to push her down the stairs or anything like that. Why? Because she is the mother of my children and anything that I do to hurt her, hurts them. It doesn't mean I don't have some pretty strong emotions that would like to get out. It means that I don't let them out. From my perspective, there are more important people than me involved. Not only am I completely at peace with that, I like it that way (placing my kids above my needs not the negative emotional stuff).

 

[Bytor1958]

When I met my GF that I'm with now. We bought a house and moved into it. We are both in our 50s and don't plan on getting married.

 

[Tone deaf]

When I met my GF that I'm with now. We bought a house and moved into it. We are both in our 50s and don't plan on getting married.

I could see shacking up as an option. In my case, she'll be a 20-something Brazilian stripper, with questionable immigration status. If things go south, I'll have the NICE anonymous tip line on speed dial...*



















* Do I have to go back and put this in magenta?

 

[Joeydego]

Obviously you're a man. Traditions are for the woman. She wants the ring, the big wedding, the dress, your vows, the cake, the pictures, the limo, the attention, for you to carry her through the doorway, the wedding night and the whole 9 yards. These are all things that women dream about all their lives. She may say and act she agrees with your views, but take a moment to imagine if you did afford her all of those traditions, and I'm fairly sure you'd imagine a much happier partner. I doubt she'd say no to any of it. All of these things add great memories you can be proud and fond of in your later years, and those memories can be a powerful recollection during the tough times. They are important to you and especially her.

Men get too caught up in practicality. Sometimes I think if we always had our way with such things, we'd never enjoy anything in life except the bare necessities. At least, theoretically. Ask yourself what you, as a man, expect to gain from your relationship? Sex, food and beer? You might get plenty of that if you care for her first. A relationship is a lifetime investment if you do it right. It's not always about what you can get from it, it's not even what you can give - it's about what you can share with each other day-to-day for a lifetime. My wife is my lover and my best friend, and we're coming up on 20 wonderful years in May. I am proud of us. Invest in your partner and she (they) will invest in you, if she's a good woman. If not, maybe you shouldn't be together in the first place.

As for me? I can get joyous about Christmas, but generally I think it's just a big bunch of horse crap. If people can't treat each other with such kindness all year round, don't be acting like you care a couple day out of the year. What good is it to think about the poor, get religious, or be kind once a year? I like the time off from work, but other than that, every holiday is a waste of money (trading cash with people for the benefit of nothing but the department stores and credit card companies). But hey - don't call me cynical, call me a "practical man".

Great post.

Perspectives change, especially after you sire a few. I do stuff for my kids that I could never have imagined doing, during my pre-kid days. I'm happy to do it (that doesn't mean I enjoy it) as an investment in them and their well being. I don't spoon feed them nor do I cut them undue slack, but if they have a passion, I will do my best to help support it.

Another example is my divorce. I have never, before, during or after our marriage, been disrespectful to my ex (in public or in private). I've never yelled at her nor have I been tempted to push her down the stairs or anything like that. Why? Because she is the mother of my children and anything that I do to hurt her, hurts them. It doesn't mean I don't have some pretty strong emotions that would like to get out. It means that I don't let them out. From my perspective, there are more important people than me involved. Not only am I completely at peace with that, I like it that way (placing my kids above my needs not the negative emotional stuff).

I have 2 kids and I have a pretty nice chunk of money put away for their education. Delaying my retirement is not an option. There are loans for that.

 

[splatter]

the whole 2 to 3 months pay fro the diamond was thought up by either a jewelry store owner or a woman . Or perhaps a woman jewelry store owner . If the girl loves you she won't care what size the diamond is .

The wedding is for the woman . Its something they have dreamed about since they were old enough to stop wearing diapers . Just do it and get it over with .
I've been married 28 years and my wife can still remember things about our wedding that I never knew to begin with .That should give you some idea how big a deal it is .

 

[Joeydego]

the whole 2 to 3 months pay fro the diamond was thought up by either a jewelry store owner or a woman . Or perhaps a woman jewelry store owner . If the girl loves you she won't care what size the diamond is .

The wedding is for the woman . Its something they have dreamed about since they were old enough to stop wearing diapers . Just do it and get it over with .
I've been married 28 years and my wife can still remember things about our wedding that I never knew to begin with .That should give you some idea how big a deal it is .

If the wedding is for the woman, what exactly is for me? Men need to realize they too have value.

 

[Jakeislove]

If the wedding is for the woman, what exactly is for me? Men need to realize they too have value.

You get invited to her party!!

 

[Dolebludger]

Joey, you would like it around where I live. Want to get married? Then go to the County Clerk's office, pay $15, both of you sign a paper, and it's done. Oh, you can have any church service after that you want if your religion requires it, but this is not required by law. And you can buy rings (or not) and go on an expensive honeymoon (or not).

Don't like that? Then just move in together (or not) and go on with your lives. That is what most couples do.

Not all women are into diamond rings and expensive ceremonies. Mine is not. Once a few years ago, mine had just completed some pretty fantastic achievements. I told her I'd buy her anything she wanted. She wanted a Mercedes Benz roadster. Done.

 

[redcoats1976]

why not take her on a nice 7 or 8 day cruise,pop the question after the first few days IF you still want to,and then look for a ring for her together in a couple of ports?plenty of rings to choose from,and you will not only save money but she will always remember how "romantic" it was.took the ol lady on a nice 7 day cruise for our 37th anniversary last year and bought her a nice blue diamond ring for a couple of grand since she had been looking and wanting awhile.i still catch her looking at her hand and the ring and smiling.to a woman a nice piece of jewelery is like a nice les paul is to to you.

 

[Dilemma]

Then just move in together (or not) and go on with your lives. That is what most couples do.

That's what Kathy Lee and I did. She'd have married me years ago but she knew I wasn't really fond of the idea since I had one go bad already.

At some point along the way I realized I wasn't interested in anyone else, or even the idea of anyone else. That's when we got married.

I won't say had we done it earlier than my epiphany it wouldn't have lasted, I'm only saying when the light bulb came on for me, she was ready. And it's been terrific so far although our day to day routine hasn't changed much at all.

 

[Bytor1958]

I could see shacking up as an option. In my case, she'll be a 20-something Brazilian stripper, with questionable immigration status. If things go south, I'll have the NICE anonymous tip line on speed dial...*



















* Do I have to go back and put this in magenta?

She is German and has all the correct paperwork. So I guess that wont work..LOL

 

[PeteK]

Well what does she think you should do with your dog's nuts?

 

[rockinlespaul]

If the wedding is for the woman, what exactly is for me? Men need to realize they too have value.

The bachelor party.