Anyone over the age of 40 pop the question here?

[michaelinokc]

If any future significant other of mine wants a $4000 ring, she'll have to get me a $4000 Les Paul.

 

[Joeydego]

weddings are for really the bride and family.

Exactly. Just like the proposal and gaudy ring. What exactly is in this for the guy? Is a guy really a putz for questioning this?

"Look, I get this is all traditional and whatnot, but its pretty dumb and lopsided.......".



"you're a putz"

 

[Jakeislove]

I'm dismissing this as troll post or hacked account.

Joey wouldn't be so foolish.

 

[Joeydego]

If any future significant other of mine wants a $4000 ring, she'll have to get me a $4000 Les Paul.

you know what 4 grand buys in diamonds? Not a whole hellava lot. When she sits at the table with the 20-40k rings, shes GOING to feel bad regardless if she admits it or not. That will not go un noticed. You wanna be the only guy showing up with the epi at the Historic and Reissue convention?

 

[sk8rat]

Exactly. Just like the proposal and gaudy ring. What exactly is in this for the guy? Is a guy really a putz for questioning this?

"Look, I get this is all traditional and whatnot, but its pretty dumb and lopsided.......".



"you're a putz"

its a trap but in reality having a wedding and spending a few grand on a ring beats being over 40, alone and spending all your money on porn and blowup dolls.

 

[joba]

Got married eleven years ago at 43. Took off to Monaco with just immediate family for a very small wedding. Everyone stayed for a week. Two and a half years later had a son , the joy of my life. Best thing I ever did. PM me if you need advice regarding a ring. Im on the Island. Best of luck to you.

 

[Joeydego]

its a trap but in reality having a wedding and spending a few grand on a ring beats being over 40, alone and spending all your money on porn and blowup dolls.

wait....you PAY for porn? What are you living in 1991?

 

[parts]

Does this thread have anything to do with your Chihuahua junk removal thread ???

 

[sk8rat]

wait....you PAY for porn? What are you living in 1991?

I dont even pay for membership here, what makes you think I would pay for porn? Id rather spend my money on a ring

 

[Tone deaf]

Slow down I'm nowhere near that!
The discussion just came up.....what if.........thats kinda how it all starts. Anyway, MY idea which I thought was pretty cool and beyond fair: matching inscribed his and her Rolex watches. Come on, WHO wouldn't like a Rolex for god sakes? IM paying for both of them, probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 20k. Still, the ring comes up. Why no ring, no commitment bla bla bla.

I counter the argument with logic. I'm MARRYING you and making you my beneficiary on my pension, benefits etc. THATS not commitment?

I'm single...

I'd vote for a pair of watches. I'm a long-time fan of the stainless Submariner. I am also a big proponent of the Breitling Super Ocean. I recall my ex once asking me something along the lines of "How many stainless diver watches can one guy have?"

The ring, like it or not, is part of the culture. A married woman - even a unique one who doesn't get into "Keeping up with the Joneses" - can't help but feel sense of pressure and often competition when it comes to the "ring." A tasteful, custom designed ring can look very expensive and can sate that need, leaving plenty of cash left over for some presents for the groom.

 

[Harmony]

wait....you PAY for porn? What are you living in 1991?

So that's how you managed to download 10MB on your phone!

 

[Ed B]

Most women like and expect tradition. Society is a big factor. The ring is a symbol of commitment. It shows all strangers that you are committed to someone. It's a fulfillment for many women and they are proud of it. Whether you think that's silly or not doesn't matter.

I don't like the Rolex idea for 2 reasons. 1: I've never heard of an engagement where the guy buys himself something. 2: It's not the symbol of commitment that she seems to want.

I'd make it about her. ESPECIALLY if she is "seriously" asking about a ring.

 

[freak]

joey-

sorry.

I tried.

I wrote 5 different things and deleted everyone of them.

I got nothing for you.

not a jerk off comment because I really want to help.

all I can give you is this-
screw tradition.
do what makes you both happy.
you don't need a huge expensive ring to prove your love. you just don't. you are making a lifetime commitment. what else could you have to give?

as for the when and the hows....do what feels right to you. who cares what anyone else thinks? as long as you are both happy and ok with it just do it. she'll love you for you. not because of how you did it.
save the money for a ring and use it for something tangible you could both use.
and neuter your dog

and get the wedding pics in black and white. that would be cool.
that's all the advice I have coming from a 50 year old never married guy.

 

[Roberteaux]

Well... I got married in a small chapel in St. Augustine. The engagement ring was my grandmother's engagement ring once... but for a wedding band, she got something less expensive.

For her, the real payoff was that I bought her an SUV.

Of course, that marriage lasted only eight months, five of which were so miserable that it would nearly defy me were I to attempt to describe it to you. It sucks, when you're in love with somebody with a truly profound personality disorder of any type...

It worked out well enough in the end, though. She started telling me that she could take me to the cleaners in court, which was BS... Florida is a no fault state, and all that.

I responded that I could go after half the value of the SUV, if she wanted to be a real jerk about all this. I made it clear that if I didn't get that ring back from her, then I'd spend endless amounts of money just to smoke her ass in court. I'm kind of a dick like that, but I have my reasons for being so vindictive as this. I can only take so much screwing over before I start to trip out about it.

So I got the ring back, which was important to me... and the cost of the SUV was something that I figured was simply the price of being stupid enough to think I could help her change herself for the better, as she claimed that she wished to do. So I just let all that go, so long as she signed the damned papers...

...and gave me back that ring.

Even at that, I had to dupe her into coming to court for the divorce. I found that weird, because it was her idea to go for a simplified dissolution, once she realized that I'd do my best to hammer her if she didn't fork over the ring. But-- crazily enough-- she never showed in court for that first hearing and I ended up being tongue-lashed by the judge for her failure to appear!

I managed to persuade the judge to give me a continuance, mainly because if she, the judge, didn't it would cost me another 500 bucks to file for the simplified dissolution.

And after that I told my little sweetie that the judge told me that she'd issue a capias for the ex-wife's arrest if she failed to appear at the next hearing.

It was all BS, but it worked out anyway. The ex showed up with bells on, instead of stiffing me again.

You know what sucked, though? When you go before a judge for that sort of thing in this state, the judge only has to ask a few questions to rubber stamp the divorce... with one question being, "Do you really want to be divorced?"

I answered yes immediately... but the lady balked about it and acted all reluctant before finally responding affirmatively-- and sadly-- to the question. You could hear 'em booing and hissing in the courtroom behind me, and the judge gave me a seriously dirty look. The bailiff stood there shaking his stupid head at me, as if he meant to scold somebody.

Jeebus, what an actress that chick is! You know, she had no interest in carrying on with me whatsoever... but in court she managed to make me look like some villain who was kicking her out into the street or something!

Never, ever again. Man, I gotta really, really trust a person just to let them into my house at all...

Marrying somebody? Oh, hell no... really don't want to do that. As lonely as it gets around here sometimes, when I flash back onto what that woman put me through... I realize that loneliness is a small price to pay for sanity.

I'se askeered. Been through too much to ever really want to stick my neck out that far ever again.

Hopefully, these are not fatal last words, though... hell, I swore I'd never get married again after the first marriage went to hell on me.

--R

 

[Sin Nombre]

Anything done non traditionally? Now that I'm a little older and (arguably) wiser, some traditions seem awfully silly and one sided to me in regards to ceremonially joining 2 lives into one.

1. I have no interest in 2 or 3 months salary tied up in a diamond. What exactly do I get out of that?

2. I have no interest in even a small wedding. I like the idea of a plane trip, sandy beach and a minister or something.

1. You do not have to buy an expensive ring, it is an ineffective way to indicate love and the tradition was
started to enrich the De Beers diamond monpopoly. If your intended disagrees, you may want to do some re-considering.

2. Except for how and where you propose to your intended, the details of the wedding or lack thereof and
the honeymoon or lack thereof should be discussed between you, it's what marriage is all about. BTW a
sandy beach and a minister is a wedding. You and your intended can plan it any way you want. At 45 my
second wedding was in our back yard, cheap, under our control and quite nice, still going strong after 25 years.

 

[Joeydego]

Well... I got married in a small chapel in St. Augustine. The engagement ring was my grandmother's engagement ring once... but for a wedding band, she got something less expensive.

For her, the real payoff was that I bought her an SUV.

Of course, that marriage lasted only eight months, five of which were so miserable that it would nearly defy me were I to attempt to describe it to you. It sucks, when you're in love with somebody with a truly profound personality disorder of any type...

It worked out well enough in the end, though. She started telling me that she could take me to the cleaners in court, which was BS... Florida is a no fault state, and all that.

I responded that I could go after half the value of the SUV, if she wanted to be a real jerk about all this. I made it clear that if I didn't get that ring back from her, then I'd spend endless amounts of money just to smoke her ass in court. I'm kind of a dick like that, but I have my reasons for being so vindictive as this. I can only take so much screwing over before I start to trip out about it.

So I got the ring back, which was important to me... and the cost of the SUV was something that I figured was simply the price of being stupid enough to think I could help her change herself for the better, as she claimed that she wished to do. So I just let all that go, so long as she signed the damned papers...

...and gave me back that ring.

Even at that, I had to dupe her into coming to court for the divorce. I found that weird, because it was her idea to go for a simplified dissolution, once she realized that I'd do my best to hammer her if she didn't fork over the ring. But-- crazily enough-- she never showed in court for that first hearing and I ended up being tongue-lashed by the judge for her failure to appear!

I managed to persuade the judge to give me a continuance, mainly because if she, the judge, didn't it would cost me another 500 bucks to file for the simplified dissolution.

And after that I told my little sweetie that the judge told me that she'd issue a capias for the ex-wife's arrest if she failed to appear at the next hearing.

It was all BS, but it worked out anyway. The ex showed up with bells on, instead of stiffing me again.

You know what sucked, though? When you go before a judge for that sort of thing in this state, the judge only has to ask a few questions to rubber stamp the divorce... with one question being, "Do you really want to be divorced?"

I answered yes immediately... but the lady balked about it and acted all reluctant before finally responding affirmatively-- and sadly-- to the question. You could hear 'em booing and hissing in the courtroom behind me, and the judge gave me a seriously dirty look. The bailiff stood there shaking his stupid head at me, as if he meant to scold somebody.

Jeebus, what an actress that chick is! You know, she had no interest in carrying on with me whatsoever... but in court she managed to make me look like some villain who was kicking her out into the street or something!

Never, ever again. Man, I gotta really, really trust a person just to let them into my house at all...

Marrying somebody? Oh, hell no... really don't want to do that. As lonely as it gets around here sometimes, when I flash back onto what that woman put me through... I realize that loneliness is a small price to pay for sanity.

I'se askeered. Been through too much to ever really want to stick my neck out that far ever again.

Hopefully, these are not fatal last words, though... hell, I swore I'd never get married again after the first marriage went to hell on me.

--R

ooopa.

 

[SixAngryStrings]

Cheerio with a raisin on top.. Maaaaaan, f*ck marriage!!

(I'm sure I'll change my mind)

Congrats Bruce!

 

[Joeydego]

The ring, like it or not, is part of the culture. A married woman - even a unique one who doesn't get into "Keeping up with the Joneses" - can't help but feel sense of pressure and often competition when it comes to the "ring." A tasteful, custom designed ring can look very expensive and can sate that need, leaving plenty of cash left over for some presents for the groom.

I'm on the don't like it side. So let me get this straight. The sense of pressure and competition I'm assuming from her peers and family. Now, maybe I can afford to put a 20 or 30k ring on her finger, which in my opinion just BEGINS the "wow, thats some ring" category. Under 2 carats center stone is small, and at that size less than a certain clarity is painfully obvious.

So lets say I opt for the respectable 4k ring. Decent money. Would buy a far more functional R9, used car, drone to rain my Chihuahua on my neighbors with, etc etc etc. You get that 4k ring and it'll be looked down on when she's at a dinner table with doctors and lawyers wives. The other women will likely look down their noses and your missus, tho she will never admit it, will feel awful, too. Meanwhile, the lawyer is banging the secretary, the doctor went gay 5 years ago and is keeping her as a beard but hey they have these great rings? Its all so stupid.

Its not the money. Its the stupidity of it all.

 

[Joeydego]

Cheerio with a raisin on top.. Maaaaaan, f*ck marriage!!

(I'm sure I'll change my mind)

Congrats Bruce!

Stop congratulating me god damn it Im not getting married any time soon!!

 

[Stage Fright]

I was 25 when I popped the question. I called my girlfriend from 2000 miles away in January of 1991 and told her I was going to try to come home on leave and that we would get married if we still felt the same way about each other. I called a week or so later when we pulled into port again and told her I was coming home in March of 1991 and we would then get married so start the planning. We will celebrate our 25th this March. Not exactly super romantic but it has worked for us.
I see a lot of young people putting so much into their wedding and that is just one day. Put that effort into the marriage and it will be much better in the long run.