Another long rant about my "family"...Seriously WTF is wrong with people

toymaker

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Title says it all - just another rant about family. Sorry, hate posting things like this here - but better in my mind I rant here and blow off a bit of steam here with people who are understanding and its private - than do it amongst people who know me personally and publicly (or worse - just lose my shit on those involved completely and burn those bridges permanently).

So the background...my sister is for most intents and purposes a complete waste of human flesh. She works when she feels like it and finances motivate her - but otherwise she spends the majority of her days drinking, relaxing and occasionally breaking things. She has managed to squeeze her self into a nice little position of living not only off my mother - but me. She lives rent free in a place gifted to me by my mother - and managed to talk her way in to the house before it was transferred to me and wont get out now. Of course she pays nothing - and when something breaks, she calls to tell me who she called to fix it and how much I owe them...pretty sweet landlord/tenant deal for her I think...

Anyway, about a year ago - her "boyfriend" moved in...really only met the man 2x - both when I stopped down to fix things at house. First - just encountered a stranger coming out of house as I was coming out of the garage. No idea who he was - no idea he was staying there - but at least had some idea he was her boyfriend fortunately. Talked to him for about 2 minutes before he wandered off...and that was the longest conversation I or anyone in my family ever had with the man I think.

About a month ago - my sister calls my mother - complaining her BF needs to go to Dr - he doesn't look good, jaundiced and weak...of course they don't have any $$. Mom just tells them nothing she can do to help financially and go to an urgent care. Keep in mind - my sister is an RN - so she should presumably know a medical emergency when she sees one...anyway, nothing more said of it till 2 weeks ago. By then - allegedly it got worse and he decided to go to ER...as they walk to the car, he passes out and sister calls 911.

So its gets interesting here...EMS takes him to local hospital, who immediately transfers him to larger city hospital. Diagnoses of liver and kidney failure. Start him on dialysis and tell them he should have been to see someone long before it came to this. He is admitted - and the following day my sister calls, asking to borrow my truck as she plans on tossing his stuff out and dumping his ass - as she does not want to be responsible for all his dead beat asses bills from this. 2 days later - she decides it would be wrong to dump a man in the hospital in bad shape and comes to visit him (for the first and only time during his hospital stay). She finds out he is still in bad shape - and tells me that she has no plans on letting the mans adult children know what is going on...as they are "ungrateful and will just want $$ if something goes wrong". 3 days later I get the call - he is on a vent and there is nothing they can do...he is expected to pass shortly. My sister is so torn up - she cannot bother to drive the hour to see him, and again makes it clear she has no intention of notifying the mans family because "he wouldnt have wanted it".

He passes that night alone - and sister shows up next day, trying to get body released - only to be told only next of kin can do that, and an autopsy is required. She spends the day fighting with the hospital - trying to stop the autopsy (why?) and arguing next of kin don't care. Of course when the family is notified - they are in shock and of course DO CARE.

Now this part I sadly have just written off as my sister being my sister...I know she's worthless, and I knew there was a wake up call around the corner for her...hopefully this was it. Its the next week that truly pissed me off to a new standard.

So beginning of the next week - our mother is supposed to come home from her nursing home/rehab. She hated it and wanted to be at home again...anyone who has ever visited one of those places could understand why. Of course - following all of this my sister has decided she cannot return to the home she shared with her boyfriend...too many memories of freeloading together I guess. Anyway - she moves into my moms house, and has the gall to text me to tell my mother she cannot return home and to stay put !! I couldn't even respond...there is no way in hell I am going to tell someone they cannot use their house - so their freeloading child can take up residence. Of course my mother comes home - talks to my sister and thinks this is "wonderful" as my sister can now help around the house.

1 day of this and I am getting non stop text from my sister - saying she is going crazy (going? she was there long before in my opinion) and threatening suicide if I don't do something about our mother (not serious...and this pisses me off even more as there are people who are seriously troubled and stunts like this are just beyond childish). Finally have to call my mother and talk - of course she's funding my sisters vacation to get out of the house and relax to forget all of this. I'm just like the only "vacation" my sister needs is inpatient mental health/rehab - but hey, what do I know.

Seriously - at what freaking point do you just cut the cord with family ? I feel bad as my mother has no other family members aside from me who are not elderly and remain in contact with her daily. Alot of friends and family who pop in and out from time to time - but no one daily aside from her health care aides. My sister I'd end contact with in a moment if not for my mother...to her there is nothing worse than "abandoning" family - to me, she abandon us a long time ago in favor of herself. Wife just wants to pack up - leave and head cross country away from all of this...selling what I have here (which are family properties to me to which I have a connection). It just sucks - you spend your youth working your ass off knowing one day you will be able to call something YOURS and then somehow along the way - an idiot sibling manages to squeeze their way in and takes away any ability to enjoy it. I hate having something thats "mine" but because it was "gifted" to me - and worse yet, I am expected to fix other peoples problems they create time and again. At a point - I guess I just have to be selfish and say no...you broke it, you bought it and let them find their own way out...even if it just leads the down the hole further.
 

jc2000

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Sad story, but the truth is... god forbid when your mother passes, you can finally cut your sister off permanently…
 

redcoats1976

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i have a brother in law in a home.he cannot fend for himself in the outside world,refused to pay rent and was kicked out of a trailer that he never cleaned.way too much credit card debt,had to give his (crashed and abused)new car back to the bank after falling and breaking his hip.he cant get along with family members,never mind other people yet calls his sister(my wife) wanting us to move him in here with us.not gonna happen...he asked her if i had any ideas as to how he could get out of the home.i said"sure,get a razor blade and slit your wrists".yeah,i sound harsh,but every time you help him he finds a way to fvck you over,and im done with it.
 

HardCore Troubadour

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as fucked up as my family is, I am not the one to give you advice....however, remember if you decide you have really had enough, you will cut those ties......it is not easy, and don't expect to still get Christmas cards etc. does not work that way.

sometimes crazy beats lonely........just sayin'
Good luck Bro
 

rogue3

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Just say no.Your own health could be compromised by the stress of this.Your wife needs you too,as it appears you have a true loving relationship there.Keep an open line with your mother.frequent conversation,to keep a bead on the situation and her.

Sorry sis,i can't help you.You are an adult,you make your choices.That is it.Do not cut the cord...just block her number.easy fix,and u don't need her wild emails.
 
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Scooter2112

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If she has a nursing degree, she’s well positioned to take care of herself.

If she just refuses to do so, then it’s on her and bears no responsibility on you or anyone else.

That’s pretty much all there is to it.

If she needs assistance to motivate herself to work and take care of her personal life, she should seek treatment. Again, you and your wife are not social workers.
 

Ed B

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Get a tenant in that house before your mom kicks her out. Like, yesterday!

It's a sad situation for sure. Try to take it in stride. As dysfunctional as it may be. It could be just what the doctor ordered for your mother.
 

LPCM&BFG

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Are you single? If so, move away... move far far away.... Otherwise you will permanently be involved in this type of shite...
 

VictorB

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I’m sure the answer is as obvious to you as it is to everyone else in this thread.

You need to get rid of your sister.
 

KP11520

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Your sister needs a Life Coach with a baseball bat!

I came from a VERY dysfunctional family and my grandmother was the hub. Countless lives she ruined by enabling the F ups and beating on those of us who pursued something resembling accountability.

I had it out with her and after that stayed away from all of them. So much trouble gone with one decision!

Then I started therapy for 10 years because NOBODY gets out without that taint in the backs of their heads. And the damage is still running through all those she ruined.

And I have 26+ years of not having to get caught in it.

You have a very tough discussion and choice to make with your enabling mother. Sorry. but you needed to be told. If that doesn't happen, NOTHING will ever change.. And it still might not, but if sis is cut loose with no enabling, she might bottom out and finally make that decision of whether she wants to live or die. As being a loser isn't really living either.

Hope this helps! I feel for ya. Been there, done that!

And a RN who allows her BF to kill himself for her need for loser companionship? That is a nuclear bomb of a red flag in itself.
 

SteveGangi

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Cut all ties, as soon as possible. Otherwise, the shit will never end.
 

voices

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You already know what you need to do. It may be hard, but eventually we all must rid ourselves of the negative things/people in our lives. People like that will ALWAYS drag you down with them.

I'm sorry you have to go through this OP. Good vibes are sent your way!
 

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