and i can't say i told you so... because that's just being a dick.

Rocco Crocco

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Give me a break. How many of us are divorced and want ourselves looked at as someone else's damaged goods?

I am 45. There aren't many chicks around in my dating range (32ish to 45ish) that don't have baggage/kids, etc. My live-in GF (44) has two boys, one is challenging but still a respectful kid who tries hard and the other kid is great.

My GF has a GREAT job, is almost always in a good mood, never says anything bad about anyone, doesn't nag about anything, loves to screw, is generous, is good with money.... I can go on. Typing this now I am again realizing how
fortunate I am.
 

Dilemma

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You never wanted to be 'that guy?'

Ummm, you'd better become 'that guy' in a big hurry or your life is gonna be the suckage even worse than it already is.
 

FUS44

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Everybody's got some baggage, it's all in how we carry it.

I tell women "I'm not a bellhop and if the only tip I get for dealing with your shenanigans is the one I'm giving you, I'm out."

It seems like I am the total opposite; as soon as there is a demand made on my time or a fork in the road where I am supposed to "step up", "man up" or "shut up", I bolt like a skittish mule.
 

Mule Train

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A bong is nothing. Watch out for the nitrous oxide though, that crap will eat your brain away. I don't know how many parents wish they just had a Mary Jane issue.
 

acstorfer

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The only difference between a juvenile delinquent and a good kid is the good kid never got caught.

As a kid I did lots of stupid things and my parents were on me like white on rice. I doubt there isn't anything those kids do that I didn't. In the end I am a veteran, I hold numerous college degrees, I spent my life employed (until recently where my disabilities just kicked my ass) and yes I did stupid things as a kid. I've seen just as many kids of strict parents be as stupid as kids with parents who don't have a constant eye on them.

The younger is about to graduate high school and the older is enrolled in college. She couldn't have been doing too bad a job.
 

HenryHill

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I missed the part about what keeps you from moving on?

you have the key
 

Kamen_Kaiju

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Harm you missed my point entirely, but that's ok.

Who does society value more and consider to be having more worth, a Doctor or a Junkie?

Putting all that, 'everyone is special' BS aside the truth is society says the Doctor is worth more and has more value then some junkie living under a bridge.

That's all I'm saying, personal feelings aside. Society as a whole are cold mf'rs and they judge and cast aside quickly and easily.

Who's worth more? A whore or a virgin? What does society say?

So on the dating scene on a micro level people will also size up people Divorced VS Never Married. Kids VS No-Kids.

Doesn't have to be right, you don't have to think it's fair. But it's there and it happens.

It's part of how people seem to be wired.

Just like racism, prejudism, and a lot of other BS we try to pretend we don't do.

I never said I personally believe that people who are divorced or have kids have no value, I was just saying society are cold mf'rs and as a whole will somewhat devalue you or hold it against you if you have kids/divorced, etc.

The dating scene is rough...

don't have a good enough car?
don't have a good enough job?
don't have a good enough house?
you're divorced
you have kids

...people don't need a whole lot of reasons to move on and look elsewhere. :laugh2: It's just how it is.

I accept it.
 

Harmony

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Harm you missed my point entirely, but that's ok.

Who does society value more and consider to be having more worth, a Doctor or a Junkie?

Putting all that, 'everyone is special' BS aside the truth is society says the Doctor is worth more and has more value then some junkie living under a bridge.

That's all I'm saying, personal feelings aside. Society as a whole are cold mf'rs and they judge and cast aside quickly and easily.

Who's worth more? A whore or a virgin? What does society say?

So on the dating scene on a micro level people will also size up people Divorced VS Never Married. Kids VS No-Kids.

Doesn't have to be right, you don't have to think it's fair. But it's there and it happens.

It's part of how people seem to be wired.

Just like racism, prejudism, and a lot of other BS we try to pretend we don't do.

I never said I personally believe that people who are divorced or have kids have no value, I was just saying society are cold mf'rs and as a whole will somewhat devalue you or hold it against you if you have kids/divorced, etc.

The dating scene is rough...

don't have a good enough car?
don't have a good enough job?
don't have a good enough house?
you're divorced
you have kids

...people don't need a whole lot of reasons to move on and look elsewhere. :laugh2: It's just how it is.

I accept it.

Of course there are people like that Mal, but I would not say that was a majority. I also think it depends on age groups too. The older you get, the less likely someone feels that way. Not easy to find someone who has not been divorced or had kids in their 30's and especially not in their 40's +.

If someone had that mindset, then obviously they are not for you. Personally I have never had that issue and not really seen much evidence of it around here anyway with others. Plenty of relationships with one who has been divorced or had kids.
Geez Mal, lots of negative people around you my friend.

Screw what people think anyway, have a positive attitude and believe me it will shine through and may find that decent woman.
 

jtees4

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Nothing will change, that I'm fairly confident of. So your only choice is for YOU to change, that could mean leaving....or it could mean staying and changing your attitude. Personally, I'd leave. One other alternative is to buy a couple more nice guitars and just play the hell out for them every time you get mad...that's how I have managed to stay married for 34 years. Good luck.
 

hecube

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The dating scene is rough...

don't have a good enough car?
don't have a good enough job?
don't have a good enough house?
you're divorced
you have kids

...people don't need a whole lot of reasons to move on and look elsewhere. :laugh2: It's just how it is.

I accept it.

It is and I'm guilty on my end (sort of).

I was in a 15 years relationship with a woman and her kid. Petty criminality in his teens, prison, drugs, car theft, etc...

He seems to be turning around now in his twenties.

However, now that I'm free again and looking, I know what I want and don't want anymore:
- no kids, no matter how adorable
- we keep different houses: I have mine, you have yours
- and the usual: no cigarettes, drugs, alcoholics, partiers, etc...

I imagine that cuts down about 97% of available women.
 

moreles

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Don't worry about being "that guy." You identified the problem long ago and stayed the course (despite nothing changing) for a very long time. That's not bailing out in anyone's book. Legalities and finances generally complicate things and limit what is readily possible, so I won't say "just leave" because maybe you can't. But from this distance, it looks like nothing has changed in a decade, so why would anything really change now? And though the kids are becoming free adults, that does not mean that their mother will not continue to bail them out. I think loyalty and commitment are fantastic virtues, but you've done that and now look like you are just wasting your life and happiness to no result.
 

Kamen_Kaiju

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Screw what people think anyway, have a positive attitude and believe me it will shine through

then people think you're crazy

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SslNMLO0tw[/ame]

:laugh2:

It is and I'm guilty on my end (sort of).

I was in a 15 years relationship with a woman and her kid. Petty criminality in his teens, prison, drugs, car theft, etc...

He seems to be turning around now in his twenties.

However, now that I'm free again and looking, I know what I want and don't want anymore:
- no kids, no matter how adorable
- we keep different houses: I have mine, you have yours
- and the usual: no cigarettes, drugs, alcoholics, partiers, etc...

I imagine that cuts down about 97% of available women.

yup that's what I was talking about.
 

jtees4

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Of course there are people like that Mal, but I would not say that was a majority. I also think it depends on age groups too. The older you get, the less likely someone feels that way. Not easy to find someone who has not been divorced or had kids in their 30's and especially not in their 40's +.

That's why...although I'm almost 58 I still date 16 year olds :thumb: (my wife of 34 years is not standing behind me, is she?:fingersx:)
 

OldBenKenobi

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I don't get it, why not just leave? Doesn't sound like an enjoyable situation.
 

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