Am I "anti-social"? (my attempt at a Joey thread)

[FUS44]

Now, the fool invades that unwritten personal-space rule by siding up to me and standing about one foot away.

Raise your hand if you thought, at this point in the story, it was going to end like this:

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

"Kal-ee-mah! Kal-ee-mah!"

 

[Nicky]

If I had determined that he wasn't a threat, I'd have given him a smoke and walked away.

Takes all kinds to make up the world. A lot of 'em are schmucks, a few are good souls. When you're not sure, what you did was smart.

PS: Our new pub venue sounds just as you described the club in Apple Valley. I've told my band mates that we have to find another venue. The reverb drowns out my floor monitor. I don't like using IEMs, so something's got to change.

 

[lunchbox]

Since you asked for opinions...

While I think you're a good guy, even on MLP you're 'grouchy'. Now that may just be because of some of the people that are on here (me included, because I think you've sent me to banned camp before). But if you're grouchy/grumpy like that in real life as well, then that's not necessarily a good thing. You may exclude yourself from meeting some really good people in life, not that the guy you wrote about was one of them.

Not that I'm comparing us, but I used to be a really negative person in general. It's only in the last few years, with the aid of some unofficial therapy, that I've learned to be a happier person. And now I like my life a lot more. There's more to it, but I won't bore you.

 

[MichaelAndrew3435]

Okay, last night:

I'm at a very large club in Apple Valley. Sort of a huge honky-tonk and eatery. One of the bands that I build and service instruments for is playing, and it's somewhat nearby; 40-minute drive.

I grab the girl, off we go.

Band is playing well, despite the fact that the huge bar & grill has the acoustics of a gymnasium. Mirrored panels on walls, hardwood floors for miles. Sounds of guitars mashing with vocals and bouncing around the place.

Best place to hear a clear mix is in the damn bathroom. You who have been in such places when a band is playing know what I mean.

Now, my principal irritant in music life enters the picture. A harp player, complete with a Honer "bandoleer" that holsters something like eight harps that he wears like a belt. Oh, boy. 'nuther damn harp player.

I can't stand these guys, because they invariably are a lot better in their own minds than they are at actual ability. And they always ask to sit in, and they never heard of the concept of "adding to" or "less is more".

Every single time they try to domineer the damn song all for themselves. I can't stand 'em.

So, at this moment I choose to walk out, grab some fresh air, far away from the front door, all the way to the curb. I'm just standing there with my arms folded, taking in the desert night air.

Along comes this dippy-do from inside the venue, ball cap turned around, scraggly beard, pants down around mid-thigh.

He from 30 feet at least away from me starts calling at me; "dude, you okay? Are you alright bro? Anything wrong?"

I turn halfway around to see if he's addressing anyone but me, and much to my disappointment, I'm it.

I don't want to talk to this guy. I wanted my moment to be my own damn moment. I wanted to say "what the F is it to you?" but I didn't. Instead I held up my hand in a "stop" sort of way and told him that I was fine.

He kept it up for one more inquiry. I was a bit firmer to him this time, and expressed that I was fine and didn't need him worrying over me.

I've never seen this guy in my life. What the hell does he want?

Now, the fool invades that unwritten personal-space rule by siding up to me and standing about one foot away.

This is really bizarre to me. Bizarre enough that I remain where I am to see if he slacks off a bit on his own. He didn't. Then he says to me, "I sure wish I had a cigarette.."

I said "That's it." and turned around and quickly walked away, rather disgusted. My quiet moment had been shattered by this hapless fool, so much that I chose going back in to the relentless harp player wailing away.

I sat down with my gal and the wife of the bass player whom we know very well, and are good friends with. I began my rant, told her what just happened, and she gave me this sympathetic "aww, he wanted a friend"

I can't win, can I?

Was I "anti-social", or was this dude overstepping it?

Why is it that when I want a moment of my own, I'm a bad guy if I'm not playing the role of Joe Ambassador?

We all have our moments and there's nothing wrong with what you did. You were already irritated by something else, so at this point any small annoyance would only make it worse, and this guy just approached you at the wrong time.

 

[cybermgk]

K, read quite a few posts in this thread that mystify me a little.

Exactly when did we, as a society, turn the corner and go down the path that thinks it okay for someone to stick their nose in someone else's business?

That is basically what this other guy did to LtD. Multiple posts in this thread are essentially saying LtD should put aside his wants/needs/wishes in order to accommodate this stranger's instead. That is exactly what suggestions that LtD should have responded nicer to the guy, put up some matter of conversation, etc, are saying though.

Sorry, but, I, for one, am getting a little tired of this, got to take care of everyone else's feelings first, before your own B.S. that has inundated our social consciousness. PARTICULARLY how men are expected to do it to the Nth degree now.

And the people that whine when you don't put their 'feelings' first are the biggest hypocrites. They are complaining about you doing exactly what they are not doing to you.

Sorry, in my mind, LtD's only mistake was not being clearer and forceful in his first reply.

 

[defcrew]

Since you asked for opinions...

While I think you're a good guy, even on MLP you're 'grouchy'. Now that may just be because of some of the people that are on here (me included, because I think you've sent me to banned camp before). But if you're grouchy/grumpy like that in real life as well, then that's not necessarily a good thing. You may exclude yourself from meeting some really good people in life, not that the guy you wrote about was one of them.

Not that I'm comparing us, but I used to be a really negative person in general. It's only in the last few years, with the aid of some unofficial therapy, that I've learned to be a happier person. And now I like my life a lot more. There's more to it, but I won't bore you.

I know more than a few folks who have said, "If this cancer weren't killing me it would be the best thing that ever happened to me."

There's a great quotation in a Kurt Vonnegut book that says: love may fail but politeness will prevail. One of my favorite college profs was a guy named Ward Allen who was a classic Southern gentleman. He once told me, "Manners are a way of keeping people at arm's length without seeming surly."

It's pretty easy to get out of a potentially troublesome situation with tact. Nothing in Dave's comments strike me that he didn't do that or that he did. I've spent 1000s of hours in bars and places of that ilk due to playing and all the stuff that kind of comes along with it. I've never been thrown out of a bar, been in a fight or cut off by the bartender. I've never understood why people can't get along enough to avoid such. Simply and politely walking away is almost always an option.

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

Hey Cyber did you ever see the remake of 'Girl With the Dragon Tattoo'? (it's actually good. They all are; the original trilogy and the remake,..interesting story. Lisbeth Salander is a very interesting character. )

But there's a speech in there the Bad Guy gives the Good Guy about, "why did you come in the house? You knew something was wrong, you felt something was wrong, but you came in the house anyway. I didn't drag you or threaten you. All I did was offer you a drink. Society now is so scared of offending someone they'll knowingly put themselves in harms way so as not to offend."


(paraphrased, but it was something like that.)

I thought it was a really interesting point made.

The Good guy knew this guy was a killer,...but he didn't want to appear rude.

 

[Freddy G]

Dave,

No, you were absolutely not anti-social.
Men have rules in society, if you are going to engage a stranger in conversation you should really have a damn good reason.

Golden example...standing at a row of urinals with your dick in your hand.

The guy that comes up and picks the urinal right next to yours when there are others available is socially retarded and/or a real threat.
If that guy actually starts a conversation in that situation he has completely crossed the line and must be taught a lesson under physical violence. (even if it's as subtle as peeing on him as you turn to reply)

 

[defcrew]

Dave,

No, you were absolutely not anti-social.
Men have rules in society, if you are going to engage a stranger in conversation you should really have a damn good reason.

Golden example...standing at a row of urinals with your dick in your hand.

The guy that comes up and picks the urinal right next to yours when there are others available is socially retarded and/or a real threat.
If that guy actually starts a conversation in that situation he has completely crossed the line and must be taught a lesson under physical violence. (even if it's as subtle as peeing on him as you turn to reply)

All right already, Freddy G. I told you I just wanted to see if your ***** was bigger than mine! Is that so wrong??


There is some truth to what you say, Mal. My first cousin was jogging in a park years ago when an Af American guy began running behind her. She is a true Christian and one of the biggest hearted people you could imagine as well as a bit of a social crusader. She said she didn't want to run away or do whatever because so many folks freak out around any black male and she didn't want to be "that guy." He wound up overtaking her and brutally raping her in some sawgrass just off the path in a public park. She miraculously made it out of there with her life. It was simply horrific. The moral of the story, obviously, isn't that black guys rape more than white guys. the moral is that if that little voice in your head says, "Danger!" it doesn't hurt to listen to it.

 

[HeartString]

You're not anti-social Dave. You wouldn't be here if you were that. This is a social network. People are all so different. Young people see things differently from old people since the dawn of time. You're fun, gregarious, intelligent, generous, kind, compassionate, easy to get along with and good to count you as a friend.

People are all different. We all want our own fiefdom, agendas, cliques, view points, politics, friends, desires and passions to name a few. MLP is a great cross section of society and bars are too imho. I loved big crowds all my life and still do. I try to make people laugh whenever possible and have a short tolerance for people who bum smokes, money or anything else for that matter if I don't know them personally.

Who knows, he may have been sizing you up for something nefarious. You just never know. You did it the way your instincts told you to do it. They are well trained instincts. Don't second guess yourself. Rock on!

 

[defcrew]

Getting along with folks on a MB or your telephone is not the same thing as getting along with folks in the meat world. The former is a control freak's dream. The latter is a rapidly changing set of unpredictable variables. It's like the dif in getting off on porn versus sex with another human...thus the popularity of porn!

 

[cybermgk]

Dave, I'd have still lectured him on how I was trying to have a peaceful moment to my self to enjoy the night air. he invaded and ruined that even AFTER told you weren't interested in help or involvement. MAYBE if enough of us did this, people would get a 'clue'.

In reality, the other guy was socially retarded, and had zero ability to pick up on social queues

 

[poro78]

Social networks are a great way to replace real social life.
It's easier here than outdoors - you all are not invading my personal space.

 

[socialhero]

People are weird. Especially when alcohol is involved.

That dude probably just wanted a smoke.

Fuk'em.

 

[freak]

that's why us jersey guys can't do deserts.

id'a hit him with a shovel, buried him with the shovel, and gone about my business.

we carry lime also. 2 bags per body does the trick.

 

[bulletproof]

K, read quite a few posts in this thread that mystify me a little.

Exactly when did we, as a society, turn the corner and go down the path that thinks it okay for someone to stick their nose in someone else's business?

That is basically what this other guy did to LtD. Multiple posts in this thread are essentially saying LtD should put aside his wants/needs/wishes in order to accommodate this stranger's instead. That is exactly what suggestions that LtD should have responded nicer to the guy, put up some matter of conversation, etc, are saying though.

Sorry, but, I, for one, am getting a little tired of this, got to take care of everyone else's feelings first, before your own B.S. that has inundated our social consciousness. PARTICULARLY how men are expected to do it to the Nth degree now.

And the people that whine when you don't put their 'feelings' first are the biggest hypocrites. They are complaining about you doing exactly what they are not doing to you.

Sorry, in my mind, LtD's only mistake was not being clearer and forceful in his first reply.

And we have a winner,right here.....Ive noticed that the feminization or sissification,if you will,has resulted in males not really knowing how to be males.....15-20 years ago,walk outside a bar,other guy nods,you nod back,end of story....

Now,we have the " sensitive " male,who feels he must act like he does to be accepted by his peers.....

Nothing used to piss me off like herding my platoon in for a mandatory sensitivity class,what utter bullsheet....

These days,many males are extremely confused.....on one hand,they see through vids and other means,that to be a man,you have to forgo the English language,wear your pants around ones ankles and berate women as " Hos and Skanks "

Then,the male is bombarded with the idea that he must explore/use his " feminine " side to be a real man....which leads to up-close,weird encounters such as yours,Lt......All he really would have needed to do,like in times past,was simply ask if you had a smoke. The leading reason of his inane banter was the direct result of not knowing how to f'kn act due to the bullsheet hes been fed.....Just my 2 cents,here.

And for your question,hell no you werent anti-social....I have literally told people,when Im forced to,to back the f'ck up and reassess their intentions....I really dont give a sh!t if I offend them or not,they sure as hell aint thinking about offending me,are they?

 

[HeartString]

And we have a winner,right here.....Ive noticed that the feminization or sissification,if you will,has resulted in males not really knowing how to be males.....15-20 years ago,walk outside a bar,other guy nods,you nod back,end of story....

Now,we have the " sensitive " male,who feels he must act like he does to be accepted by his peers.....

Nothing used to piss me off like herding my platoon in for a mandatory sensitivity class,what utter bullsheet....

These days,many males are extremely confused.....on one hand,they see through vids and other means,that to be a man,you have to forgo the English language,wear your pants around ones ankles and berate women as " Hos and Skanks "

Then,the male is bombarded with the idea that he must explore/use his " feminine " side to be a real man....which leads to up-close,weird encounters such as yours,Lt......All he really would have needed to do,like in times past,was simply ask if you had a smoke. The reat of his inane banter was the direct result of not knowing how to f'kn act due to the bullsheet hes been fed.....Just my 2 cents,here.

And for your question,hell no you werent anti-social....I have literally told people,when Im forced to,to back the f'ck up and reassess their intentions....I really dont give a sh!t if I offend them or not,they sure as hell aint thinking about offending me,are they?

Men aren't allowed to be men anymore imho.

 

[ErictheRed]

Where are the poop bits? /JoeyThreadFail

 

[defcrew]

Haha...I don't know that I whole heartedly agree with everything in that post, bulletproof, but I loved it! When did acting like a man turn into such a crime? And when did the things you point to as acting like a man come to define acting like a man? I once told a friend and a young father that I thought it was our job to show a son how to act like a man and when he asked me to describe such the look on his face said it all....CAVEMAN!!!!