Alcoholism

[Dr.Distortion]

Every Alcoholic drinks but not everyone that drinks is an alcoholic.
Moderation Management(MM) is another option.

If he didn't drink for 15 yrs,then he has demonstrated the power to control his drinking.Get back the power to choose and say no,when appropriate, and you will get your dad back.

It's interesting you bring up MM...

I personally know Audrey Kishline, the founder of MM.
She lived four houses down and across the street from me. Her son and my younger son are friends to this day.

She got drunk and killed a man and daughter driving the wrong way on the freeway. She blew a 0.26, THREE TIMES the DUI limit.

After that she, in my opinion, abandoned her family, leaving her husband and kids in the lurch.

NOT very moderate of her...

 

[Thumpalumpacus]

I will preface this by saying that I am not the least bit religious.

However, I live by the Serenity Prayer as an Alcoholic. This works for everyone whom is affected by Alcoholism IMHO. Please take some time to understand exactly what the Serenity Prayer is saying!




God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

I'm an atheist myself. But the perspective these words impart have helped me through much.

 

[jeff_farkas]

Every Alcoholic drinks but not everyone that drinks is an alcoholic.
Moderation Management(MM) is another option.

If he didn't drink for 15 yrs,then he has demonstrated the power to control his drinking.Get back the power to choose and say no,when appropriate, and you will get your dad back.

The problem is alcoholics can't moderate, ever. That's why we're called "alcoholics". Even the least bit can start the next bender and the slide back into total disaster.

 

[Dr.Distortion]

I gotta' say, The first day I was in the rehab hospital I thought being an atheist was going to make it "not work"
But it did. I just let the religious aspect to it not bother me and I humbled myself to those around me.
They replaced god for me. I needed to be honest (not just "cash register" honest) about myself.
It helped me listen to others and appreciate their collective wisdom.

 

[Markie A]

The problem is alcoholics can't moderate, ever. That's why we're called "alcoholics". Even the least bit can start the next bender and the slide back into total disaster.

Zackly............... Why the hell would I want 1 beer, or 5, or 8?

I don't think the masses will ever understand that we truly mean it when we say: "1 is too many & 50 is not enough"

 

[freebyrd 69]

God bless you and your family during a tough time. Don't let this incident ruin things with your dad. I'm sure he loves you, or he wouldn't have quit the first time.

Show him all the love you can, he will need it. I hope things work out.

 

[blackie2]

That's rough man. Sorry to hear. Obviously something must have been the catalyst for him to go back after so long. Depending on how bad it is, you may need some outside help when friends and family aren't enough. My mom had to literally have her mom taken and put into a county hospital program, she would not stop drinking. She also had to kick her out of the house (she lived in the upstairs flat from us). It's tough, best of luck with it.

I had the same thing happen to me with my mom. I had to kick her out of my house because she stayed drunk 24/7. I asked a Veterans Administration Counselor who worked part-time for my college what to do and he just said that tough love is the only answer until they bottom out and get help. She never hit bottom and a county MHMR unit found her passed out in 100 degree heat in the Texas sun because she couldn't unlock the door to an apartment she was living in. They put her in detox at 73 years of age and we luckily got a physician to commit her to geriatric psychiatric nursing home where she lived for another 12 years sober. She would never admit she had a problem and my entire family never quite grasped how brutal an alcoholic can be to those who love them the most.

 

[lostpaul]

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, and giving advice.

I really appreciate it.

 

[Tone deaf]

I gotta' say, The first day I was in the rehab hospital I thought being an atheist was going to make it "not work"
But it did. I just let the religious aspect to it not bother me and I humbled myself to those around me.
They replaced god for me. I needed to be honest (not just "cash register" honest) about myself.
It helped me listen to others and appreciate their collective wisdom.

Believing that there is no god is not mutually exclusive with believing that there exists a greater power (i.e greater than the individual).

 

[peach64]

All I can say is, my cat was at death's door 5 years ago. When my vet said we may have to put him down, I put on a brave face for him. But as soon as I got outside, I collapsed I was floored, my whole world collapsed. I was crying like a baby for days, but it was at that moment I got on my knees and prayed continuously to GOD. I asked for wisdom and peace as to whatever his will would be. I left it in his hands.

It was at this moment that I truly felt his presence, or the holy spirit around me. Well it took a while but my cat made a miraculous recovery. Everyday I try to be grateful and remind myself what HE has done for me. Hey I was a single guy working in the liquor business and frequented every strip club/whorehouse in North Jersey. I'm glad to have given this life up, now I attend old testament bible studies. Am I a goody two shoes? NO! But I have a lot of good, loving people in my life now. And I'll be the first one to tell you, yes religion is a form of controlling the masses, most are full of evil doctrine, many cults, and twisted scripture. You do not have to belong to church to be saved. Just open yourself up to God, cast everything on him, and pray for a week…find a few minutes see what happens?

Peace

 

[Mark C]

Um...whoa.

 

[Cruznolfart]

C'mon; who here can say they've never prayed for a little pussy?

 

[Paracelsian]

C'mon; who here can say they've never prayed for a little pussy?

Cruzn, FTW!
FWIW, it usually took me a hell of a lot more than praying.

 

[HenryHill]

It is really not dissimilar to many mental illnesses. From my own personal life. My ex-wife suffers from BiPolar Disorder. It has worsened over the years to quite a severe case. Didn't present as such at first (yea, after everything, I did a lot of 2nd guessing and analyzing, and there were small subtle hints and symptoms). We both really thought it was something else at first.

But, it started getting worse and worse, after our first son. Pregnancy did something to her internal hormonal makeup that, woke that beast up. My pleading and pleading for her to seek professional help did nothing. My 'interventions' complete with documentation ad nasueum (I had eventually researched and talked and chatted with many a group, professional etc and narrowed her symptoms down to BiPolar and another Mental Illness), did nothing. Well, they registered somewhwere in her psyche, but not enough to make her act.

But, it wasn't until her attempted suicide, and an involuntary stay in the mental illness ward, that she finally decided to listen. It wasn't until then that she decided she needed to do something about it. This was much like an alcoholic's or addicts 'Moment of Clarity'. Even then, she fought and fought against the treatment needed (still does), and never embraced more than the meds, and those not all the time either. She never partook of the also needed therepy that teaches the person how to deal, internally, with how the illness makes them feel, think and act. It also helps them recognize, and come to grips with recognizing the afffects, and differentiating between illness caused emotions and thoughts, and outside induced same.

But, it taught me a gigantic lesson, then and after. You can not force the person to take their meds, not drink, seek therepy, get AA help, etc. They have to want to, REALLY want to help themselves. They are the one's that have to fight agqainst their illnesses affect on themselves, and their challenges to treat it, every day. All i could do was be supportive of her efforts to help herself. That, and learn how to take care of myself and our two children, and mitigate her illnesse's affect on us.

She once asked me, in a real moment of clarity, why I never forced her to get help (at not so clear times, she would verbally bludgeon me with this as a verbal attack as well, as a failing of mine). I simply told her, it would have done no good. I aksed her back, if I had, how long would you have kept up the regime. She answered honestly, she would have stopped, the moment she was let out of the hospital.

Nearly exact same problem with my first wife.

Only difference is she never would get help, and mental issues compounded. That and it wasn't only verbal bludgeoning.

And yeah, it was pegged as all my fault.

This is a far more common occurrence than people want to accept, the childbirth cause of BP.

 

[Thumpalumpacus]

You do not have to belong to church to be saved. Just open yourself up to God, cast everything on him, and pray for a week…find a few minutes see what happens?

Peace

Been there, done that ... talked into the void.

I find real friends much more helpful, kind, and, well, real than imaginary friends. Call me crazy.

 

[Markie A]

Been there, done that ... talked into the void.

I find real friends much more helpful, kind, and, well, real than imaginary friends. Call me crazy.

They are not imaginary friends to everyone. Some folks believe, some don't. I do believe the Human Mind is the most powerful tool on Earth. If the belief makes one's life better in any way, shape, or form. Then they can justify those beliefs. I personally think it often works for those people & that is frigg'in awesome..............

The Mind is more than capable of convincing the body it is not sick for instance. My Mind is more than capable of convincing me I need a drink, or even a snort!

I'm still not anywhere close to being a believer in the Supernatural, but I do believe it is a powerful tool for some folks.

 

[jerryo]

Intervene
Seek professional help
Addiction is a brain issue
And you only get one dad
Don't waste time

 

[Thumpalumpacus]

They are not imaginary friends to everyone. Some folks believe, some don't. I do believe the Human Mind is the most powerful tool on Earth. If the belief makes one's life better in any way, shape, or form. Then they can justify those beliefs. I personally think it often works for those people & that is frigg'in awesome..............

The Mind is more than capable of convincing the body it is not sick for instance. My Mind is more than capable of convincing me I need a drink, or even a snort!

I'm still not anywhere close to being a believer in the Supernatural, but I do believe it is a powerful tool for some folks.

I get what you're saying ... but the Placebo Effect is a thin reed indeed.

I'm glad it works for you.

 

[Markie A]

I get what you're saying ... but the Placebo Effect is a thin reed indeed.

I'm glad it works for you.

Actually, I can't imagine it will ever work for me personally


I do think it works for those who truly believe though.............

 

[ToneasaurusRex]

lostpaul,

I am sending you my best wishes and prayers.

I had a family member who suffered from alcoholism and I know what you're going through.

I went to an Al-Anon meeting looking for help and found out that the program is to help you, the family member of the alcoholic. And I was like, wait, I don't have the problem, tell me how to get my loved one to stop drinking. And they just shook their heads and tried to explain to me that we can only help ourselves, we can't fix a drunk. It took a long time for me to accept that, but now I do.

Go to a meeting. It will help you.

Wishing you peace.