Alcoholism

[Bluesky]

He's fighting his own demons. He's drinking like that for a reason. But the fact that he keeps getting up after falling shows you something........he ain't all bad. No magic answers here. Sorry , I just hope he keeps fighting and gets over it one day. be there for him as best you can.

 

[caljoe]

Thas sucks man sorry to hear that, alcoholism is a bad bug, haven't had a drink for almost 18 years myself but I know it's always there waiting for me, to tell me it'll be okay this time go ahead, nope too many visual reminders,dead friends, drunken friends and family members who make idiots of themselves, No thank you im good. I got nothing against anybody who drinks, I choose not to.
kills more people than heroin, cocaine and a bunch of other illicit drugs all put together,but pots illegal

 

[HeartString]

Only he can solve his problem. You can ask him to as many times as you want, but he's the only one who is always there 24/7 to stop himself from drinking.

This is the truth of it imho. My father was the same way. He finally died from it. My brothers were older and vacated the house. He smashed a drinking glass over my head one night and I let him have it. He lost all control of his bowel movements at one point. It wasn't pretty at 15. The hospital called at 2:30am to say he'd passed and Mr. Bojangles was on the radio. Love him while you still have him for whatever you can get.

 

[poncho]

Alcoholism is not a disease.
The cure is to not drink.

I have a lot of personal experience from family, friends, and my own experience.
Some people are just weak minded and allow themselves to be entrenched in the snare of alcohol. I think it's all genetic disposition how easily you fall into addiction. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I stopped drinking because I wanted to: Bam, done. My friend on the other hand has been DUI, fired from his job, in comas, pancreatitis 3x, and still won't stop.

So funny:
Daddy's Very Sick - Video Clips - South Park Studios

Interesting point of view, mindbogglingly ignorant, but interesting nonetheless I guess since it came so easily for you that's the bar, huh?

I will say, Sonar's 'bleak' outlook is pretty spot on


Op, good luck man, and I'm sorry to hear about what is most undoubtedly an excruciating position to be thrust into. I uh, don't have any advice that's better than what's been given, so all I can offer are my sympathies and good vibes

 

[Drew224]

Slips like this do happen, no matter how many years of sobriety one has.
Alcoholism is a disease that there is no cure for and it's a daily struggle to remain sober. I know.. I've been sober for 8 years now.

AA Big-book Page 58: How it works:
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful!

He needs help. Let him sober up and find out what happened. Then take him to an AA meeting, if necessary. That might help him get back on track.

I'll keep him, you and your family in my thoughts.
jeff

He's dealing with himself. I grew up with the same thing. No one else to blame.

 

[Bobby Mahogany]

My only suggestion is to sit down and have a heart to heart with him.
Let him tell you why he fell off the wagon.

My dad died at 58 from alcohol. I was 2000 miles away, and didn't lift
a finger to help during his last 10 years of fighting it. Don't be like me.

I like your suggestion of a heart to heart with him.

FWIW, I don't like that you imply that you should have been there during the last ten years. You think things would have been different? They probably would have. Probably in the fact that you would have lost ten years of your life to a drunk that wouldn't have it!
Don't be like that!

The "I'm living my life without you(father) in it to screw it up with your alcoholism" probably was the best decision you could make for yourself and your spouse and/or family if you have one.
May he rest in peace. May you live in peace.
Amen.

 

[Greg's Guitars]

Hard for sure bro, but in one way or another we are al addicts of something, just be there for him and let him know how much his addiction has impacted your life(in an honest and caring way) and hopefully some of the things you tell him will click the switch...

 

[geochem1st]

Alcoholism is not a disease.



.... I think it's all genetic disposition how easily you fall into addiction. http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155157/daddys-very-sick

I hope you see the incongruence of your two statements.

Alcoholism may not be an infectious disease, but being genetically predisposed to it makes alcoholism as much of a disease and congenital heart disease or type II diabetes.

 

[circles]

Stay strong, keep looking for advice, keep yourself healthy. I'm dealing with a similar problem. Just talking with others can help you feel less 'all by yourself'.

 

[morats8up]

This is the truth of it imho. My father was the same way. He finally died from it. My brothers were older and vacated the house. He smashed a drinking glass over my head one night and I let him have it. He lost all control of his bowel movements at one point. It wasn't pretty at 15. The hospital called at 2:30am to say he'd passed and Mr. Bojangles was on the radio. Love him while you still have him for whatever you can get.

That's a very sad way to live and pass, I feel for you bro.
Makes a guy like myself well up.

 

[nauc]

to win the war on drugs, you must improve life

everything else is a band aid

 

[Chilli]

Try not to blame yourself for your fathers faults, it sounds like he needs professional help.

 

[roeg]

Every Alcoholic drinks but not everyone that drinks is an alcoholic.
Moderation Management(MM) is another option.

If he didn't drink for 15 yrs,then he has demonstrated the power to control his drinking.Get back the power to choose and say no,when appropriate, and you will get your dad back.

 

[Kamen_Kaiju]

Well when I tried to contact AA the phone was disconnected.
True story.

even worse when you call the suicide hotline and get put on hold.

 

[Thumpalumpacus]

Trying to save somebody some pain here.

The friends and relatives of alcoholics get driven crazy trying to help alcoholics who do not want help.

And if the identified alcoholic DOES want help, the alcoholic has to be willing to do the leg work.

Which leaves the friends and relatives of alcoholics to tend to their own disease and damage.

Sure -family is family, and support is support- but let's be clear about the ability to help someone with a disease: THE ALCOHOLIC is the one who has to seek help.

The reality of trying to help people with substance abuse problems IS bleak and rough!

I feel for the OP, and his father. But the son cannot help other than just being normal and loving. And it sounds like he's already likely skewed by his father's alcoholism, and his own expectations and resentments (and expectations are just premeditated resentments).

Alcoholism called a "family disease" because of all the fallout and collateral damage that is usually attendant, not because the family can make a recovery happen.

Intervention may look effective on TV, but it rarely leads to real recovery.

My point wasn't meant as a criticism of yours, and my apologies if it came across that way. Straight talk is definitely needed, and not just by you here.

 

[NRBQ]

I grew up with a terrible drunk for a father. I don't have any memories of him when i was a kid being sober.

But when i was a teenager he finally quit, and turned out i had a great father behind that whiskey bottle. That being said my father has been sober for almost fifteen years!

But last night i was at my parents and my mother didn't know where my father was. My sister went to look for him and found him at a bar. She convinced him to get into her car and go home, he was drunk.

When my sister's car pulled up she yelled for my help and i ran over, my father wasn't breathing and choking on his own vomit. He finally caught his breath and realized i was there. He looked up at me and said

"Take me son".

I then dragged him into the house and into bed.

I can't believe after all this time he would do this again. He is a terrible drunk and the very opposite of the good man his been these last years.

I just don't know what to do.

It shows that alcoholism doesn't go away no matter how many years have gone by. It sounds like he needs some emotional help and support to get back on track again. You have no idea how hard it may have been for him to stay clean all these years all the while he was craving his fix and he finally fell off the wagon. Help him understand how much he is loved and how different he is sober and that his family expects him to get off the booze again and are willing to help him. All my best to you, your father, and your whole family.

 

[martin H]

Originally Posted by Kashmir
I sincerely believe that that could never succeed for very long. Problem drinkers are just that, problematic. It's nearly impossible to hide the disease from the people you love for very long. Problems can't hide and problems don't go away until action is taken.

Yes. Trust me my father could never sneak drinking. He does it to heavily, he can't have one or two.

Unfortunately Its not unusual for people to relapse after prolonged periods of sobriety. I have known two guys who were truly sober for in excess of 30 years before falling back off the wagon. On of them went off on a 2-week binge after unknowingly ingesting a medication that turned out to have an alcohol base. It's true that alcholism is something you are never completly free of and you always a "recovering" alcoholic rather than a "recovered" alcoholic. My prayers go out to you and you dad.

 

[Tone deaf]

It is like flying on a commercial jet when the cabin depressurizes...you need to put on your own mask and save yourself before, you can assist others.

He needs help. You all do. Look for and avail yourself of whatever resources you can find. Al-anon and other support groups (particularly those focused on working with adult children of alcoholics) might be quite helpful for you and you sibling(s). You can't do "it" all on your own. You can't 'fix' him. You can only try to help.

Everybody needs to get all the cards on the table. Your sister needs to be honest with you. How did she know where to go looking for him? If you are setting expectations based upon false information, you are only going to be more disappointed and disassociated, in the long run.

Addicts are liars and can't be trusted. That doesn't mean that there isn't a good person in there that needs to get out it just means that good person is being held hostage and can't get out (at least not on a full-time basis). Trust but verify (emphasis on the 'verify' the 'trust' part you do at your own peril).

IMO (which is worth every cent you paid for it) the prospects for successful abstinence from drinking (for someone with an alcohol problem) are greatly increased when some beneficial activity or practice takes its place (along with other treatments, etc). Some of my recovering buddies are fitness freaks (they usually gravitate towards marathons and triathlons) while others may do church, hobbies, etc. The physical element of exercise (endorphins and that good stuff) are particularly good because they can sate some of the chemical stuff. It is tough to find real good replacement activities and the discipline to stick to them, for the period from sunset to dawn. It is also difficult for disabled folks to do much of the physical stuff. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks but, it can be done.

The only thing i can imagine is getting to him is he had to have his leg amputated a couple years ago and it's really getting to him that he can't do what he used to. He lives in the woods down a dirt road and loves being outdoors, hunting, fishing and things like that. He also cuts all his own firewood and takes care of his land.

He just can't do things like he used to, i think he feels useless sometimes.

"The only thing..."? (not judging, just caught my attention) The comorbidity (i.e. finding two things in common) between amputation and addiction is pretty high (no pun intended). In addition to alcohol counseling, he needs a counselor who is experienced in working with amputees! He is very likely depressed. He may benefit from medication. It is quite possible that he also may have symptoms of and perhaps some degree of PTSD (or related dissociative disorder brought on by feeling helpless against loosing his leg). If he is experiencing (any of these things): dissociation, depersonalization, hypervigilance (startles easily), loss of interest in things that used to make him happy, or memory loss (not the kind brought on by drinking), he should definitely meet with someone familiar with treating PTSD. He may want to look into finding someone who does a form of treatment called EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).

 

[Markie A]

I will preface this by saying that I am not the least bit religious.

However, I live by the Serenity Prayer as an Alcoholic. This works for everyone whom is affected by Alcoholism IMHO. Please take some time to understand exactly what the Serenity Prayer is saying!




God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

 

[Mad Scientist]

My Alcoholic Mother lives with my Alcoholic Sister and her Alcoholic Husband (whom I NEVER liked). My sister met the guy at an AA meeting which is the worst possible thing you can do with your life: Date and Marry a person in rehab. Apparently they take turns enabling each other by claiming to be the Al-Anon family member while the other drinks.

Over the past 30 years my mother and my sister have proudly proclaimed their 6-month, 1 year and 2 year sobriety anniversaries.... over and over again.

They've done so many things to f*ck up their lives it's amazing. At the height of the Housing Bubble they gave a "trusted friend" (probably in AA Also) 250K of Equity to invest in a Land Deal. They never saw the guy or their money again. All of us warned them but of course, they didn't listen. They never do. And of course, he fools around on her and she takes him back every time.

So it got to the point where I'm so sick of listening to them complain and fight non-stop that I just said f*ck it! Don't contact me again until you guys get your sh*t together, which sadly, may be never. They're a bunch of Psychic Zombies. Just being around them is a huge downer and energy drainer.

Through this experience I've discovered who in my extended family ISN'T a Psychic Vampire and have grown a bit closer to them. My life is better as a result.