Alcoholism

[kevinpaul]

I have like so many of you had a brush with booze. Tough times bring out the best or worst in a person. There are many ways to keep it locked up. AA only works for 10% of us but there are many other ways to stop the madness. Keep looking and the thing or things that do it will find you.

 

[morats8up]

Alcohol can be the evil witch that never relents, your dad doesn't walk this road alone.
I sincerely hope you and your dad the best.

 

[Rocco Crocco]

Alcoholism is not a disease.
The cure is to not drink.

I have a lot of personal experience from family, friends, and my own experience.

Your experience is different than mine. If the cure is to simply not drink, than why is alcoholism such a big problem for so many?

 

[Laggspike]

OP, i feel for you man.. i really do..


My mom Drank for 35 or so year's, i was hit by her for 18 year's..
it wasent fun as you can emagine, but its a part of life i guess?

but mate, stay strong, and try to stay strong, do what you can for him, in the end, hopefully it will work out.

So you arent all alone about alcoholic parrents (or dad in your case) so yeah.. if you need to talk, just PM me.


Edit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disease_theory_of_alcoholism for those who are unsure if Alcoholism is a disease or not

 

[barricwiley]

I read your post and am crying inside for you and your family.
I am also behind getting in touch with AL-ANON, ASAP.
Old sick memories flooding back.
And these 30 day dry outs they have around are just NOT long enough to wash out the alcohol demons.
I hope you keep your caring folks here involved - its a place to go sometimes.

 

[LongBeach]

My only suggestion is to sit down and have a heart to heart with him.
Let him tell you why he fell off the wagon.

My dad died at 58 from alcohol. I was 2000 miles away, and didn't lift
a finger to help during his last 10 years of fighting it. Don't be like me.

 

[X–Ray]

The best thing you can do for him is get off his back, get out of his way, and get on with your own life.

AL-ANON is the program for the friends and relatives of alcoholics.

Alcoholism is a disease. It is recognized by the medical community. Their primary advice for an Rx is to not drink. It's called a disease to separate it from a moral failure (considering it a moral failure never achieved ceasing to drink for anybody). Actually, the drinking is a symptom of deeper problems. The suggested program of AA is a series of 12 steps that has resulted in recovery for many many cases. Alcoholism is a manageable disease, like diabetes, but it is chronic, progressive, and terminal. He will die with it, but he doesn't need to die OF it.

If your father has an Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor it would be good if your father called that sponsor and returned to AA meetings.

You are powerless to help him. You're not qualified.

If you seek Al-Anon meetings for your self that is the best thing you can do in this situation.

You can't figure this out.

WHY a person drinks is not important, yet it's the first thing the friends and relatives of alcoholics turn to: they want to understand.

Praiseworthy: but useless, ultimately.

He has a higher power. You ain't it.

Hopefully he has (or gets) a sponsor in AA. Again, you ain't it. Sponsors help sponsees understand and adhere to the suggested steps. If your father is willing to try that path (or perhaps return to it) there is hope. But HE is the one who must want it.

All you can do is speak your truth in love. You can't help him. And even if he wants help, you're not the best person to help him.

Even AA can't cure him. What their literature states is that "God could and would, if he were sought."

There is no other way that I know of.

+1 the above

The only thing I would add is that your dad maybe grieving the loss of his leg and the life as he once knew it was "amputated" as well (see post #10) - a deep state of bereavement unfortunately misdirected toward (hopefully) a brief return to alcohol to deaden the pain of loss - pure conjecture on my part though...

Nonetheless, suffering in need of amelioration

Take care

 

[Kashmir]

Alcohol hits many families in a bad way. But many of us have had times when we had seccumed to the bottle. After all, we're only human. My father was a pretty heavy drinker too, a bad alcoholic for many years. He promised my mother and my youngest sister he would never take a drop again. This was on Valentine's Day, 1978. And he never did drink again. He became very well-known in AA throughout Massachusetts afterward, until dying of Alzheimer's disease, in 2006.

Thing is, alcoholism is a human nature disease, and it hits at any time. Help your father, lostpaul. He seems like a good guy, and at least he appears to have been able to recognise his problem. As you had said, he had quit for a long time. He will probably do that again now. But drinkers who slip off of the wagon are only human. It happens.

 

[Kashmir]

What makes you think he hasn't been drinking all along behind your back? I know functioning alkies with the same story:
Were assholes, quit "for the family", but just really learned to tame their behavior around certain people.

I sincerely believe that that could never succeed for very long. Problem drinkers are just that, problematic. It's nearly impossible to hide the disease from the people you love for very long. Problems can't hide and problems don't go away until action is taken.

 

[lostpaul]

I sincerely believe that that could never succeed for very long. Problem drinkers are just that, problematic. It's nearly impossible to hide the disease from the people you love for very long. Problems can't hide and problems don't go away until action is taken.

Yes. Trust me my father could never sneak drinking. He does it to heavily, he can't have one or two.

 

[slapshot]

I just don't know what to do.

go tell it to a room of strangers

see their faces hear their words feel their touch & take comfort in the physical presence of like suffering people.
we can share our own tales and experiences but text on screen is no substitute for human contact about it.

 

[Thumpalumpacus]

The best thing you can do for him is get off his back, get out of his way, and get on with your own life.

AL-ANON is the program for the friends and relatives of alcoholics.

Alcoholism is a disease. It is recognized by the medical community. Their primary advice for an Rx is to not drink. It's called a disease to separate it from a moral failure (considering it a moral failure never achieved ceasing to drink for anybody). Actually, the drinking is a symptom of deeper problems. The suggested program of AA is a series of 12 steps that has resulted in recovery for many many cases. Alcoholism is a manageable disease, like diabetes, but it is chronic, progressive, and terminal. He will die with it, but he doesn't need to die OF it.

If your father has an Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor it would be good if your father called that sponsor and returned to AA meetings.

You are powerless to help him. You're not qualified.

If you seek Al-Anon meetings for your self that is the best thing you can do in this situation.

You can't figure this out.

WHY a person drinks is not important, yet it's the first thing the friends and relatives of alcoholics turn to: they want to understand.

Praiseworthy: but useless, ultimately.

He has a higher power. You ain't it.

Hopefully he has (or gets) a sponsor in AA. Again, you ain't it. Sponsors help sponsees understand and adhere to the suggested steps. If your father is willing to try that path (or perhaps return to it) there is hope. But HE is the one who must want it.

All you can do is speak your truth in love. You can't help him. And even if he wants help, you're not the best person to help him.

Even AA can't cure him. What their literature states is that "God could and would, if he were sought."

There is no other way that I know of.

A bleak answer, given that many folk get the answering machine. I know you're trying to help, but golly, that's rough.

 

[jeff_farkas]

A bleak answer, given that many folk get the answering machine. I know you're trying to help, but golly, that's rough.

Well when I tried to contact AA the phone was disconnected.
True story.

 

[Markie A]

Well when I tried to contact AA the phone was disconnected.
True story.

I called to try to get into the local treatment center & they told me they didn't have any openings for 2 weeks

I told my Wife that I would be drunk in 2 weeks


I ended up going to a treatment center in the next town over

 

[LPV]

Well, that really sucks for you and your dad. Alcoholism inflicts so much psychological damage on those around us. Not many other diseases do that. I think if for the rest of your life you were to think about the question of why he slipped you would still come back to one simple answer - because he's an alcoholic and that's what we do best. A good enough reason, hell the wind blowing from the east is a good enough reason. Alcoholism isn't about making sane decisions. But recovery is all about maintenance which is doing whatever we need to do to remember that we are powerless over alcohol every damn day for the rest of our lives. And that will never change. Thank you for sharing this. It reminds me that I am no different than your dad and this could easily happen to me if for a minute allow myself to contemplate a drink.

Take care of yourself first.

 

[sonar1]

A bleak answer, given that many folk get the answering machine. I know you're trying to help, but golly, that's rough.

Trying to save somebody some pain here.

The friends and relatives of alcoholics get driven crazy trying to help alcoholics who do not want help.

And if the identified alcoholic DOES want help, the alcoholic has to be willing to do the leg work.

Which leaves the friends and relatives of alcoholics to tend to their own disease and damage.

Sure -family is family, and support is support- but let's be clear about the ability to help someone with a disease: THE ALCOHOLIC is the one who has to seek help.

The reality of trying to help people with substance abuse problems IS bleak and rough!

I feel for the OP, and his father. But the son cannot help other than just being normal and loving. And it sounds like he's already likely skewed by his father's alcoholism, and his own expectations and resentments (and expectations are just premeditated resentments).

Alcoholism called a "family disease" because of all the fallout and collateral damage that is usually attendant, not because the family can make a recovery happen.

Intervention may look effective on TV, but it rarely leads to real recovery.

 

[Kashmir]

The only thing i can imagine is getting to him is he had to have his leg amputated a couple years ago and it's really getting to him that he can't do what he used to. He lives in the woods down a dirt road and loves being outdoors, hunting, fishing and things like that. He also cuts all his own firewood and takes care of his land.

He just can't do things like he used to, i think he feels useless sometimes.

I know that feeling, as I've had muscular dystrophy all my life. By the age of about 43, it started worsening quickly. Although it's been a lifelong thing, I often hit stages of depression now because I can no longer play the guitar or do simple things with my hands. It's very frustrating. Thing is, I have a great, understanding family. My wife, kids, and friends keep me going. I know enough to keep my drinking a social thing. I only drink with my extended family and with friends, probably about 6 or 7 times a year at most, at functions and on holidays. Maybe it's because my father was an alcoholic, I don't know, but I realize that drinking would only complicate matters, and it never actually makes you feel better and never makes problems go away. Your father will probably realize this too, as time goes on, hopefully.

 

[AngryHatter]

You can't "fix" another person.
You can be there and offer support.

 

[12watt]

I am sorry to hear of your father's relapse, it is heartbreaking. As others have said, Al Anon can be helpful for family and those affected by alcoholism.

Alcoholism often appears to pick up where it left off (sometimes worse) even after protracted abstention (and I mean years, even decades). His condition in this instance does not necessarily mean he had been at it again before this event.

If AA worked for him before, I hope he can find his way back into it and sober up again. This relapse may be a wake up call for him. I have seen many people get sober then leave AA, unfortunately this is an insidious condition that relentlessly (if subtly) suggests that one could be a normal drinker again (not that I ever was... but a fact like that won't stop it trying). I have found that without regular contact with other alcoholics, without encountering the befuddled and mystified newcomers, it is easy to fall prey to this delusion and have another crack at it - more often than not with the same old consequences as before.

Life can throw people some brutal turns, most people can buy some time away from the pain with booze, unfortunately alcoholics are not permitted that option and have to find alternate routes through the rougher passages of life.

My sincere best wishes for you and yours.

 

[Dr.Distortion]

You've got some tough decisions ahead of you...
I could spew platitudes, but that won't help.
In dealing with an alcoholic, you cannot be weak.
You must stand your ground.
Don't threaten to do something you're not willing to do.
The outcome may break your heart.
Sorry you're going through this.
Good luck...


28 years sober Oct 25 2013.