Alcoholism

lostpaul

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I grew up with a terrible drunk for a father. I don't have any memories of him when i was a kid being sober.

But when i was a teenager he finally quit, and turned out i had a great father behind that whiskey bottle. That being said my father has been sober for almost fifteen years!

But last night i was at my parents and my mother didn't know where my father was. My sister went to look for him and found him at a bar. She convinced him to get into her car and go home, he was drunk.

When my sister's car pulled up she yelled for my help and i ran over, my father wasn't breathing and choking on his own vomit. He finally caught his breath and realized i was there. He looked up at me and said

"Take me son".

I then dragged him into the house and into bed.

I can't believe after all this time he would do this again. He is a terrible drunk and the very opposite of the good man his been these last years.

I just don't know what to do.
 

Paracelsian

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What makes you think he hasn't been drinking all along behind your back? I know functioning alkies with the same story:
Were assholes, quit "for the family", but just really learned to tame their behavior around certain people.
 

strat1701

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That's rough man. Sorry to hear. Obviously something must have been the catalyst for him to go back after so long. Depending on how bad it is, you may need some outside help when friends and family aren't enough. My mom had to literally have her mom taken and put into a county hospital program, she would not stop drinking. She also had to kick her out of the house (she lived in the upstairs flat from us). It's tough, best of luck with it.
 

TLI-Inferno

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Only he can solve his problem. You can ask him to as many times as you want, but he's the only one who is always there 24/7 to stop himself from drinking.
 

Kamen_Kaiju

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addiction is a bitch. You're never free of it.

Even if you're not using, ... part of you wishes you were.

He relapsed, hopefully it's a one time thing.

I'm sure he feels like sh*t.
 

jeff_farkas

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Slips like this do happen, no matter how many years of sobriety one has.
Alcoholism is a disease that there is no cure for and it's a daily struggle to remain sober. I know.. I've been sober for 8 years now.

AA Big-book Page 58: How it works:
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful!

He needs help. Let him sober up and find out what happened. Then take him to an AA meeting, if necessary. That might help him get back on track.

I'll keep him, you and your family in my thoughts.
jeff
 

So What

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Sorry about that.

He needs professional help.

Your family can't solve this problem alone.

Good luck.

.
 

LeftyF2003

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Having had both a drunk father and a drinking problem myself (been sober since '91) I can relate. My father was the same way until he hit his mid 70s and finally quit. I think he just got tired of it finally. He was a terrible drunk and would yell constantly at my mother and all of us. It was awful. When he was sober he was a different person. Sometimes drunks fall off the wagon, and it's not pleasant for those around them (or the alcoholic for that matter). Hopefully it was an isolated incident and he'll go back to being sober. If I were you I'd talk to him and see what his intentions are, and tell him what you've stated here. No one wants to be a mess in their family's eyes. If it happens again I would agree with the above that you might need outside help. The fact is that he needs to want to remain sober. If his mind has flipped back into the mindset that he can handle it things will be difficult...
 

lostpaul

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The only thing i can imagine is getting to him is he had to have his leg amputated a couple years ago and it's really getting to him that he can't do what he used to. He lives in the woods down a dirt road and loves being outdoors, hunting, fishing and things like that. He also cuts all his own firewood and takes care of his land.

He just can't do things like he used to, i think he feels useless sometimes.
 

Markie A

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You can encourage your Father. You can explain to him that this shit will eventually kill him. You can let him know how much it hurts other people. You can & should tell him the story you told up above, about discovering the Father you always wanted.

However, He can only stay sober if he does it for himself. I quit drinking & drugging 12 years ago, only because I was afraid I was going to Die. I still have very realistic dreams about falling off the wagons. They are so realistic that I sometimes have my wife confirm that I was home the previous night. This happens to me about 2-3 times a year.

Maybe you can convince him to visit AA. Maybe you can even go along with him. You might be surprised at what you will learn.





Addiction is a MuddahFukah!
 

lostpaul

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Thanks guys, He went to AA years ago hopefully he will be willing to go again. It just sucks just when we were starting to have a close relationship this happens.

It might be a one time thing, but with how bad he was i doubt it.

Hopefully i can talk some sense into him.
 

Eric Duane

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I'm sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is. I'm a product of 2 parents that were too young and not ready for parent hood.

You can't make anyone do what they don't want to do. Just be encouraging and don't forget sometimes it takes tough love.

Good luck getting it resolved and I hope everything goes well for you and your family.
 

Alligatorbling

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i wish you and your father the best in this trying situation.

for an alcoholic, one drink is too many and a thousand is never enough....

these threads usually end up in bickering so this is my one and only in this thread.

for those suffering from alcoholism, it can be put into remission.... having it resurface is only one drink away though...

for those that are toying with the idea of taking a drink and know they shouldn't, dont drink today.

again, i wish you the best friend, feel free to pm anytime.
 

Death Incarnate

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Alcoholism is a disease that there is no cure for

Alcoholism is not a disease.
The cure is to not drink.

I have a lot of personal experience from family, friends, and my own experience.
Some people are just weak minded and allow themselves to be entrenched in the snare of alcohol. I think it's all genetic disposition how easily you fall into addiction. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I stopped drinking because I wanted to: Bam, done. My friend on the other hand has been DUI, fired from his job, in comas, pancreatitis 3x, and still won't stop.

So funny:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155157/daddys-very-sick
 

sonar1

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Thanks guys, He went to AA years ago hopefully he will be willing to go again. It just sucks just when we were starting to have a close relationship this happens.

It might be a one time thing, but with how bad he was i doubt it.

Hopefully i can talk some sense into him.


The best thing you can do for him is get off his back, get out of his way, and get on with your own life.

AL-ANON is the program for the friends and relatives of alcoholics.

Alcoholism is a disease. It is recognized by the medical community. Their primary advice for an Rx is to not drink. It's called a disease to separate it from a moral failure (considering it a moral failure never achieved ceasing to drink for anybody). Actually, the drinking is a symptom of deeper problems. The suggested program of AA is a series of 12 steps that has resulted in recovery for many many cases. Alcoholism is a manageable disease, like diabetes, but it is chronic, progressive, and terminal. He will die with it, but he doesn't need to die OF it.

If your father has an Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor it would be good if your father called that sponsor and returned to AA meetings.

You are powerless to help him. You're not qualified.

If you seek Al-Anon meetings for your self that is the best thing you can do in this situation.

You can't figure this out.

WHY a person drinks is not important, yet it's the first thing the friends and relatives of alcoholics turn to: they want to understand.

Praiseworthy: but useless, ultimately.

He has a higher power. You ain't it.

Hopefully he has (or gets) a sponsor in AA. Again, you ain't it. Sponsors help sponsees understand and adhere to the suggested steps. If your father is willing to try that path (or perhaps return to it) there is hope. But HE is the one who must want it.

All you can do is speak your truth in love. You can't help him. And even if he wants help, you're not the best person to help him.

Even AA can't cure him. What their literature states is that "God could and would, if he were sought."

There is no other way that I know of.
 

bocage44

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Alcoholism is not a disease.
The cure is to not drink.

I have a lot of personal experience from family, friends, and my own experience.
Some people are just weak minded and allow themselves to be entrenched in the snare of alcohol. I think it's all genetic disposition how easily you fall into addiction. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I stopped drinking because I wanted to: Bam, done. My friend on the other hand has been DUI, fired from his job, in comas, pancreatitis 3x, and still won't stop.

Sorry, but I respectfully disagree with you on this. One does not simply decide to stop an addiction. It is a process that requires a great deal of help and hard work.
 

MooCheng

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The only thing i can imagine is getting to him is he had to have his leg amputated a couple years ago and it's really getting to him that he can't do what he used to. He lives in the woods down a dirt road and loves being outdoors, hunting, fishing and things like that. He also cuts all his own firewood and takes care of his land.

He just can't do things like he used to, i think he feels useless sometimes.

I feel for you, Ialso feel for your father,
he sounds like he was a active guy but now carnt do all the things that kept him occupied, maybe he has time on his hands and thinks to much......sometimes people turn to drink to escape whats on there mind
As you say, sober, he is a great father, give him all the support you can,

hopefully he will realise drink is not the answer
 

chupe442

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Lostpaul, prayers to you, your dad and everyone involved. Support your dad and let him know you will not give up on him. He needs to know. Help him, help himself. Good luck brother!
 

realjimjim

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Thank God I never saw my father drunk or even toasty.

It's shameful that my baby girl can't say the same about her dad.

Just hang in there and do what you can.
 

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