after a month of no internet what I really missed was


Senior Member
Jun 2, 2011
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Can't even lie and say Wikipedia or access to profound information or something.

It was t*tties.

It was week three when it dawned on me I hadn't seen porn in weeks. I think I was helping install cabinets in the kitchen when I realized, "Damn,..I'd sure like to see some t*tties about now."

Not that it distracted me from the job. Ya'll guys know how we compartmentalize the thoughts of t*tties while we get sh*t done. It's almost like a process always running in the background.

But after I'd thought it it started gnawing in my head like a rat. Tenacious: the thought of t*tties can be.

A few days later the thought struck, ... MY PHONE! I could use the net on my phone. Sure it's slow and sucks but I bet it'd work.

My friends and droogs I am sad to say that this simply isn't true. :cool:

Porn on your phone sucks. It doesn't work well because we're spoiled by fast connections and streaming videos on our awesome desktops and laptops!

On your phone it's a different world.

The sites know you're on a phone and having a pathetic experience because for gods sake just look at you! You're so desperate to see some t*tties you're actually using your phone to do it, like a creepy old man beating off in the bushes to a wrinkly dew-molded magazine! But still in a way the creepy old man is better off because he had the dignity to do it alone in the bushes. You don't even get to keep your dignity because the site KNOWS YOU'RE ON A PHONE! :laugh2: Your shame is someones knowledge. :laugh2:

So now the site says: You have watched 0 of your 5 videos tonight


My five? You're limiting the amount of porn I can watch tonight?

What if I get turned on by the 4th video and start getting frisky with muh'self on the 5th?....You're gonna just f**k me over like that?..that's cold man,...that's cold.

Well I gladly inform you I ran into no such dilemma because the video quality was so bad I didn't know if I was watching 'Sissy Spanxxx and her Slippery Slopes' or Jabba the Hutt doing a Moonwalk, was sh*t.

3g/4g good connection...what's the problem here? I remember the commercials saying this stuff was fast?

Oh well. I don't really use the phone much beyond reading, texting, listening to Pandora and....yeah that's about it.

Don't use the net on it much so I didnt' know what video was like.

And really,'s not like I can go back to looking at pictures. The genie's out of the bottle on that. Streaming HD man,....though sometimes opt for SD because HD porn, know you don't really want that level of detail on some things. :laugh2:

I did find the whole experience amusing though because I hadn't realized how spoiled we all are with our home computers, when it comes to having an absolutely insane amount of access to free porn.

Every conceivable variety in all shapes and sizes,.if you can think of it someone has done it and made a video and put it online.

When I was a kid just finding a Playboy magazine was a huge deal.

You told your friends. You took that sh*t out in the woods and hid it and showed your friends after school an' sh*t. ..and they'd do the same.

It's not like one magazine was gonna see you through or anything.

And as a teen you'd think about it and imagine about it and sh*t. You had to get good with your imagination because in the middle of the night staring at the ceiling with the covers up 'Just In Case' (mom walks in) .. that's all you had was your imagination.

...and there were years where your imagination had you getting it on with pretty much every single chick you saw. In movies, television, and real life,.....even if it was just for like 5 seconds in your head when you met them. :laugh2:

But now?

Damn! We are like gods of access.

Everything you want to see is all right there, all the time.

Can you imagine being a kid and having that kind of access? I can't, I really can't.

The internet took off and exploded what seems like literally one year after I graduated High School.

Every month I'm dodging all these incoming AOL disks and I'm like, "For f**Ks sake why does Awl keep sending me coasters!?"

The only somewhat sad thing about the experience is that I realized even if I never physically cheat on my GF, only being able to see just one set of t*tties makes me sad inside, that probably makes me a bit of a pig and an a**hole,..but damn,....I sure do like me some t*tties.


I was happy to get the internet back after a month of roughing it.


The best street legal porn on the net is "" where you pay $10 a month for access to 18,000 full length pro porn movies with no need to fear viruses etc. The site doesn't include gay content but plenty of lesbian action and all the other catagories one might expect. And for the gays there is a sister sight that is the same with gay content, so they have something for everyone other than pedo's and donkey people. Check it out, it's a really good sight for skin.



Senior Member
Nov 28, 2010
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I haven't had the Internet at home in a year. I miss not being able to look shit up whenever I feel like it, having something handy for sleepless nights, that sort of thing.

Tits are nice, but at the end of the day porn is just a cold shower. After managing an adult video store for six years, I've pretty much seen it all. My imagination is much better than any movie I've ever seen, anyway.


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Dec 28, 2008
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this i'l do it


smiling politely as they dream of savage things
V.I.P. Member
Jan 21, 2010
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I haven't had the Internet at home in a year. I miss not being able to look shit up whenever I feel like it, having something handy for sleepless nights, that sort of thing.

Tits are nice, but at the end of the day porn is just a cold shower. After managing an adult video store for six years, I've pretty much seen it all. My imagination is much better than any movie I've ever seen, anyway.

How much to rent your imagination?



I'll have a sammich!
Gold Supporting Member
Oct 19, 2011
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I finished internet porn 4 years ago. Took like 10 damn years! I don't like re-runs so I just play guitar now :)


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Apr 7, 2011
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I was checking out all the odd ball new to me crap on the internet. I came across Tumblr, it is nuts with porn that is odd in its own way. Gifs thingys with girl / girl. Girl / guy. BJ photo heaven and you are to write a blog about this shit! How many hands do they think I have. Lots of sick pictures! Oh boy.

Stevie 202

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Dec 31, 2011
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You think that's bad? I'm in Beijing right now. The computer internet barely works (by the time anything loads, you forgot what you chose), and your phone pretty much doesn't work.

How the hell did people get by before the internet?

I have a very vivid memory. :thumb:

Spent the first 35 years of my life "off-line".

Ain't no biggie.


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Jul 15, 2010
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I just wanted to post to this thread before it gets moved to the never-never land which I have no access.

So What

Senior Member
Feb 29, 2012
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Glad someone is, that was the whole point of the thread.
It's all just goofy humor.

Porn is no laughing matter.

I take that stuff serious.

Started sneaking peeks at my dad's Penthouse mags when I was 8.

8mm movies as a teen.

Then came VHS tapes and DVDs.

The internet is the coolest thing ever!



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Feb 11, 2009
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This thread may be just goofy humor, and if so, that's fine. But I've been married for over 30 years and my wife is not to be put out with the cat. I've never been unfaithful. Yet I occasionally like to watch internet porn. Kind of like taking a guitar lesson. I might learn a new lick or two (pun or no pun intended, you be the judge). Wife doesn't like porn but knows I watch it from time to time and doesn't really care (as I might learn a new lick or two?). We are guys, and like to see a mulitude of nude women doing all sorts of things. Just part of being a guy, I think. It is like we want sports cars. Why? I don't know. Look at it this way. Other guys have worse habits, and my wife knows that. If I were to be a "gun nut" and start building an "arsenal" in one of our spare rooms I would be put out with the cat. But I can buy all the guitar gear and watch all the porn I want. Like, she likes to watch programming I don't like (the Cooking Channel --Yuk!) and I don't complain. I just don't watch.What is the difference?

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