2022 The Lost Summer

[redking]

I've been away from my home and in my old hometown area for 7 of the last 10 weeks since I found out my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. His lung cancer spread to his spine, pelvis and brain very aggressively and it wasn't long that we went from radiation to thinking about home care, then to palliative care, then mourning his loss and cleaning up his house and going through decades of items he collected. (if anyone wants to know how many cubic yards of refuse can be hauled out of a small bungalow, garage, and workshop, the answer is 56!). Losing one parent is tough, but when you lose the second one, it feels like you are losing the first one all over again in addition to the one who just passed. I think I must have aged about 3 years in the last 10 weeks. Gotta get my head right and work on "Me 2.0" so that all the lessons I have recently learned (what to do and what not to do) can be put to good use.

A couple of great items that I was able to bring home from my Dad's include one of my Mom's old guitars that I thought had been sold or given away after she passed - a war era parlor guitar silkscreened with cowboy graphics that I am getting Scott Baxendale to do one of his restorations on (re-set the neck, better fingerboard, bigger frets, improved bracing) and an old Astatic microphone that my Dad used during his days as an auctioneer. Also brought home a million memories with me that I'm trying to find ways to help them live on in various ways.

 

[Torshalla]

Sorry for your loss… my girlfriend and I just went through a similar summer actually, her mother passed away 7 weeks ago from cancer after spending a very rough month in hospice. Dealing with emptying / cleaning her home + cancelling her rental contract and all subscriptions + funeral… then finding place at home for the things you did not have the heart to throw away… it feels like there is no time to actually mourn…
Eventhough it was “only” my mother in law I still knew her for over 20 years. My girlfriend will take a long time to heal from this.

Take the time to accept it and rebuild yourself… we were warned against ignoring the pain and exhaustion and then risking to hit the wall a year or two down the road…
Take it slow for some time.

 

[Olds442]

very sorry for your losses.

 

[KSG_Standard]

Sorry for your loss Brother! I went through similar at Thanksgiving 2020. It was painful and still is. The bright spot was that my brothers, nephews, nieces and kids all got together to go through my Dad's collection of stuff and we shared stories, laughed, remembered and had a good time together. My Dad was a depression era kid who learned to save everything...because you never know when you might need something like an old radio tube, toaster coil or slightly bent nail.

 

[James R]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

My Pops passed in 2016, mom is still here, but riddled with cancer as well.
It's rough.
My dad's estate is still not quite settled and I live half a country away.
His brother is handling it, but in all honesty, he's a dullard and I'm pretty sure he's a scammer too.

Anyways, i know all about the massive amounts of stuff that can pile up, we spent a mint in disposal fees when I went home to help with the clean up and funeral arrangements.

It's important to do as you are doing, and take some time to work on yourself.
Personally, the weeks before my dad passed and the months following were the only time in my life that I found I needed to seek professional help from a therapist, it heloed to get my cognitive thought patterns back on track and moving forward.

 

[pnuggett]

Sorry for your loss. My wife's mother passed away in March and her dad a month ago. She was really close with her mother, much closer than her dad, but she took her dad passing away harder I think for the reasons you described. Selfishly we are both relieved they passed as they were in bad shape for quite some time and were a lot of responsibility and stress on us.

 

[redking]

Sorry for your loss Brother! I went through similar at Thanksgiving 2020. It was painful and still is. The bright spot was that my brothers, nephews, nieces and kids all got together to go through my Dad's collection of stuff and we shared stories, laughed, remembered and had a good time together. My Dad was a depression era kid who learned to save everything...because you never know when you might need something like an old radio tube, toaster coil or slightly bent nail.

We thew out buckets and buckets of rusty old nails - lol. My dad was a farmer and auctioneer so he viewed the world that way too. He had plans for all the "stuff" he had, but just never got around to using it all. Even though it was a tough time, while Dad's cognitive abilities were still mostly in tact, we had some pretty good chats in the car and he told me old stories that he never talked about before.

 

[Gfunk_Minor]

I too have recently gone through the same emotional roller coaster with my mom.
While she has not passes, she did have a stroke that has left her completely paralyzed on the left side. She now has to live in an assisted living facility. We were able to keep her home and car for almost a year before we had to sell it all. My sister and I spent six weeks going through everything getting the house ready for the estate sale, and the sale of the house. We, like all of you, were amazed by the stuff we keep. Mom had every tax return since 1958. 63 years of tax returns. All you can ask is WHY....? We both found some emotional items that we thought were long gone. (thanks for keeping all the stuff mom). And, it did get me to really thinking about my life, and about what we hang onto, and what we can let go of.

The really interesting side note to all of this. While going through all those tax returns, I found Mom & Dad's 1959 tax return. The year I was born. Dad made $4262.63 as a salesman for the local electrical utility. Mom made $1628.19 as a secretary for a life insurance company. Can any of you imagine having a home, car, and starting a family on a combined yearly income of $5900.00? Or a woman making that kind of money in 1959? Or, on that tax form, under deductions, there is a deduction of $1.62 for the Texas State Poll Tax.... WTF....? A poll Tax?

Man.... Different Times.

 

[Soul Tramp]

Very sad, I'm sorry for your loss. There will be a day when the memories make you smile.

 

[dc007]

Sorry to hear about your dad.

 

[rcole_sooner]

Positive Vibes sent.

 

[EasyAce]

OP, my deepest condolences. I lost my father to cancer in 1966. I know how it feels only too well.