11 months after relocated family-kids still hate it here.

Blues4U

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A little over a year ago I quit my job after 22 years. We wanted to eventually move out of the mid west and eventually settled in on South East Florida.

There are a few threads discussing all of that mes, if you care to search them out.

The long and short of it is, my wife and I like it here for the most part.

Our 16 year old daughter absolutely hates it--most of the hate is due to her refusal to even make any real attempts at making friends and taking advantage of all of the cool stuff there is to do around here.

My 8 year old son likes all the things there are to do, but really misses his family and friends-

Wife likes it here, but misses her family and our friends and isn't happy about the lack of any real free time to enjoy all of the reasons she wanted to move here originally-

I like it here, but truthfully, have been so busy with our business, that I absolutely do not get to take advantage of all the things I wish to do in my free time, as I have very little free time-

When I was a kid, I was moved all around the damn place, and I was miserable a lot of the time as well. Absolutely nobody in my family ever took me and my best interest into consideration while dragging me from house to house, town to town and state to state. So, not taking my kid's opinion into consideration really isn't an option, as they should have their voice heard, if nothing else. My son was all for it when we moved and my daughter was indifferent, to not happy. Things have gotten worse-- ;)

My kids all lived in the same town and house their entire lives. I moved them once, and I am afraid, this experiment is a dismal failure.

I chose this area for us because of the schools (great schools with many top rated opportunities) outdoor activities as well as other things such as organized sports, ocean, rivers, lakes etc-

I still own a house back in Indiana, and we will be spending over a week there starting Tuesday.

I am assuming that after a week or more back in their home town/state and visiting all of the family and friends, and getting back into their NORMAL routine, the pressure to move back HOME will be applied to an even greater degree.

Truthfully, after almost a year of dealing with the South Florida work force, I have almost had a gut full myself. 19 employees, 3 are stellar, 3 are pretty damn good, 3 are acceptable the rest are absolutely horrid. Finding people that want to work (I mean actually show up every shift and not act like they are 12) is almost impossible. Its been a constant revolving door of interviewing candidates, hiring, training and watching people that were seemingly well adjusted humans when they were hired turn into flakes and weirdos right before your eyes.

Its not just my business, its every damn place down here. Try to get a guy to show up and fix your AC, spray for pests, mow your grass etc---These people won't perform for any amount of money.

There are other things going on with my business situation that would make it easy for me to move the family back to the Mid West and come back down here and tie up the lose ends and eventually join them.

In the end, I have never been too particularly happy wherever I lived other than two places. I like it here where I am now, but in fact, I could live elsewhere and not cry the blues every day. I don't particularly like the town I lived in for 23 years, but since moving away from there, a few friendships that I didn't really know existed have been strengthened and I have a handful of families that if I were to move back, their company, friendship and fellowship would be appreciated much more. The old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has held true with a few close friends we had back home.

If I am to move back to Indiana,I will pay off my house, live a lot slower and simpler. We have very little personal debt, and in fact, we have been diligent not to acquire much business debt. I have a diverse set of job skills, I can eke out a passable living on my terms, doing what I want so to speak.

The one decision I made last year that I 100% stand behind is leaving my previous employer. in 2013, working for the average fortune 500 company is not something I wish on anybody.

School starts mid August, we got some stuff that needs figured out, and in a hurry.:hmm:

Next week is going to be an interesting one.
 

danohat

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Nice going. That's supposed to be in purple.
 

bertzie

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Honestly man, it sounds like moving back might be the right thing to do. If not for yourself, just for the kids sake. Having a house that's payed off, you could always wait a few years for the kids to be done with school then make another go at it.

I don't really know what your business situation is, but unless you're really making headway above what you were before, it doesn't sound like it would be too much of a sacrifice to try something else.
 

Brians Evil Twin

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If I am to move back to Indiana, I will pay off my house, live a lot slower and simpler.
That's worth a lot.

I had a close coworker from Indiana when I lived in Boston about 12 years ago. Young guy fresh out of college, ultra bright, fast learner, and great with clients. Taught him what I knew, and my wife and I tried to make him feel at home although Boston is a hard place to make friends and the winters can be brutal.

In the end, he moved back to IN, the pull of home was too strong. Can't say I blame him, people generally like what they know, and having family nearby is a big deal.

He made the decision right after 9/11 - I think the scope of that tragedy really got to him.
 

Strato

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Change often seems adventurous but over time as you've described, people tend to start thinking about lost friends, relatives and tangible things that were left behind. I'm not sure if you left a slower paced city and moved to a more faster paced city or not so I won't comment about how that affects a person.

All in all the grass that we think is greener on the other side just turns out to be a worst shade than we traded for.
 

Howard2k

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I moved around a fair bit as a kid too (moved countries at 1, 6 and 11) and each time it was a clean break. Bye bye friends and family.

I don't regret it for one second, in fact I'm supremely grateful.

But then at the time, I was excited about the move too. The move at 11 was a bitch having to make friends again really sucked. Even worse, moving to another country I obviously had a foreign accent too. That didn't help either. But nobody explained to me that I had the choice whether I was happy or not. I was happy in general, but not too happy about the friendship difficulties, and quite honestly that's probably part of my reason for being somewhat anti-social and introverted today. If someone had sat me down and said "We're here. So while we're here, you have to jump in with both feet and make the best of it, because you only get one shot at each day" I might have made more effort. Again, not that I was "unhappy" and didn't have friends, but my social circle was limited and I kept it to only a couple of very close friends. The rest were really acquaintances.

Course, if someone had said that it might not have made a difference either.

The bottom line is that moving was the best move in each case, there's no doubt about that. If I'd said to my parents that I wanted to move back and they had agreed, I would be in a significantly worse situation. The area I moved from at 11 had the worst schools in the country and we were living in virtual poverty at the time. So really, did it matter how much I liked the move or how much I missed my friends? No, in my case it didn't. The move was the right thing no matter how much I might have chosen to protest it.

Different situation to you though. Hope things work out.
 

Blues4U

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Change often seems adventurous but over time as you've described, people tend to start thinking about lost friends, relatives and tangible things that were left behind. I'm not sure if you left a slower paced city and moved to a more faster paced city or not so I won't comment about how that affects a person.

All in all the grass that we think is greener on the other side just turns out to be a worst shade than we traded for.

SMall town of 9000, small city of 55000 with a much faster paced lifestyle for sure-

We live in the country in an area much like where we left though.
 

b-squared

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Well, even if you move back, you won't always be asking yourself 'what woulda happened if...'

The family is important; if they are all unhappy, then YOU are going to be unhappy.

Good luck with your decision.

BB
 

Fiesta Red

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From the information you have given, it sounds like Indiana is where you want to be. Not just the wife and kids, but you too. No harm in saying that Florida didn't work out, is there?
 

DHBucker

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Hey man, I wish you the best and I hope you can reach a decision that will benefit you and your family. Like you said, once you go back for the visit your family will feel in their element and I bet you will feel intense pressure to move back there.
I think you are correct to put your kids first when considering your situation. They have their entire lives ahead of them and (as you already know) moving around and all that entails can be very good or very bad. The only thing is don't let too much of what you want slip away. It causes bitterness. Balance is so hard to get and maintain. When I'm faced with a tough decision like this I just remember what My parents told me, "You raise your kids well and teach them all you can, and always do your best. You will fall down as a parent, get up, dust yourself off, and just love them."
I wish you well and I hope this turns into a very happy ending for you and yours.Oh, and yes...hookers and blow might be fun for a couple of days but....HA! Kidding.


Hang in there man. I'm cheering for you and yours.
 

Blues4U

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I moved around a fair bit as a kid too (moved countries at 1, 6 and 11) and each time it was a clean break. Bye bye friends and family.

I don't regret it for one second, in fact I'm supremely grateful.

But then at the time, I was excited about the move too. The move at 11 was a bitch having to make friends again really sucked. Even worse, moving to another country I obviously had a foreign accent too. That didn't help either. But nobody explained to me that I had the choice whether I was happy or not. I was happy in general, but not too happy about the friendship difficulties, and quite honestly that's probably part of my reason for being somewhat anti-social and introverted today. If someone had sat me down and said "We're here. So while we're here, you have to jump in with both feet and make the best of it, because you only get one shot at each day" I might have made more effort. Again, not that I was "unhappy" and didn't have friends, but my social circle was limited and I kept it to only a couple of very close friends. The rest were really acquaintances.

Course, if someone had said that it might not have made a difference either.

The bottom line is that moving was the best move in each case, there's no doubt about that. If I'd said to my parents that I wanted to move back and they had agreed, I would be in a significantly worse situation. The area I moved from at 11 had the worst schools in the country and we were living in virtual poverty at the time. So really, did it matter how much I liked the move or how much I missed my friends? No, in my case it didn't. The move was the right thing no matter how much I might have chosen to protest it.

Different situation to you though. Hope things work out.

I have sat my daughter down on several occasions and spoken to her about such things-The school she now goes to is HUGE by comparison to her old school-Old school 700 students all 4 grades, new school 3K students all 4 grades----:shock:

I told her she will have to make her own way and meet people and not have a daily pitty party. I explained that at her age, in a school with 3K kids, I would have made it my life's work to make 10 new friends a day.

My daughter thinks that people should just walk up and maker her life happy and introduce themselves to here. All the while, she has no desire to introduce to anybody new.

She will be a Junior in HS in a month, I explained that college isn't far away and then she will be with 25-50K students, none of which she knows and she will be forced to make friends there, so she might as well get use to it and make the effort now--

My son's school is about the same size as his old one, maybe slightly bigger.
He likes it to a degree, but some things he doesn't-
 

Kamen_Kaiju

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Do what feels right. Good luck Blue
 

DHBucker

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Change often seems adventurous but over time as you've described, people tend to start thinking about lost friends, relatives and tangible things that were left behind. I'm not sure if you left a slower paced city and moved to a more faster paced city or not so I won't comment about how that affects a person.

All in all the grass that we think is greener on the other side just turns out to be a worst shade than we traded for.

Damn, just when you think Ol' Crip had all of the blood rush out of his head, he goes and gives sage advice. Pretty cool. :)
 

lǎo​wài

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Keep in mind: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

That, and no matter what you do, it's merely trading one set of problems for a different set of problems. For better or worse, nothing is perfect.

From your post, I get the vibe that Florida is not right for you and yours.
 

Leendrix

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You're already there. Can you talk to your kids and ask them to give it one really good try?

At the end of the day though, and I hate to sound like a harsh person, but your daughter is almost eighteen. If she's able to, and she really hates it in Florida, she'll move back to Indiana.

And since your boy's eight, those are some of the best years as a kid. Make sure him and his sister are happy.

Again, I'm not trying to come down on you, Blues. :laugh2: But your kid's happiness is really important. And ultimately, it's yours and your wive's decision.
 

Blues4U

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From the information you have given, it sounds like Indiana is where you want to be. Not just the wife and kids, but you too. No harm in saying that Florida didn't work out, is there?

Absolutely no harm in saying "Florida didn't work out" In fact, I have never been a guy that has any real trouble admitting defeat, or that I am wrong.

Leaving my old job was the best thing I have ever done for personal, emotional and physical harmony. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted away from my being-I have lost over 30#'s since quitting and I really have a much more positive outlook on life. I felt like I was doing Life without Parole while working for Duke Energy--That is the truth.

If we move back to Indiana, there are some positive changes I will make as a result of our Florida stay. I have figured out how to make time for my own individual well being. I have figured out that walking around with my kids, just shooting the shit and throwing a football or playing corn hole, or casting fishing rods is all we really need.

Sitting in the yard with my wife, while enjoying a beverage on the swing is really all the excitement we need, anything else is just fluff--
 

DHBucker

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[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h0IA6fguJg]R. Dean Taylor - Indiana Wants Me - 45 RPM - WITH Siren - YouTube[/ame]
 

Caleb

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I advise you to stick it out. You Can Never Go Home Again, as is said. Anyone can get over a move. Just give it a little time.
 

Strato

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Damn, just when you think Ol' Crip had all of the blood rush out of his head, he goes and gives sage advice. Pretty cool. :)

He thinks more clearly early in the morning.

Haven't had time to get wound up yet.

It's good to see that you survived the night brother DH!:dude:
___________________________________________________________

Caleb's post brought this song to mind and made a lot since


[ame]www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiOBtOUUukM[/ame]
 

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