jokes & funnies.

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the god's earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Feckin Hell", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything !

A venture capitalist is on vacation in the English hinterlands when he comes upon a shepherd and his flock of sheep.

He stops and asks the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?"

The shepherd replies: "Certainly."

The venture capitalist pulls out a calculator and starts running numbers. He is furiously calculating and says "537."

The shepherd is astonished and says, "My word, that is exactly correct." "You can have your pick of the flock."

The venture capitalist selects his sheep and is on his way to leave. The shepherd observes the man pick up an animal and load it into his car. Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

"You're on." the young man answers.

"You are a venture capitalist"

The venture capitalist is gob smacked and says "How did you know?"

The shepherd replied: "You appear uninvited, out of nowhere and scare the shit out of me. You want me to pay you for a piece of information I already know. You answer questions I haven't asked, and you know nothing about my business. Given the pick of the litter, you pick the only dog in the bunch. Now give me back my dog."