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Discussion in 'The Backstage' started by Alligatorbling, Oct 2, 2017.
so cool to here
Fantastic news Bling. A big grats to you Sir
'Bling, I don't know you, apart from the few (of the many) posts of yours that i've read. From what i've read, to get yourself "clean & sober" and to have returned to the workplace is an incredible achievement. I hope you (and those close to you) are extremely proud. It must boost your confidence enormously. Congratulations.
Thank you for posting your news. With all the terrible things going on in the world, particularly the events in Las Vegas, it's really nice to hear GOOD NEWS for a change.
I wish you all the best.
(I don't normally comment on this sort of post, not knowing the author, but again, it's lovely to hear something positive.)
A promotion on day one? Hell, you will own the place before the end of the year!
let me be the first to say, make me a sammitch! and congrats man, you got this
Great going Ryan and yeah I read it all as good news is always nice to read.I have over the last few years been somewhat aware the things you have been going through but never caught the fact that you didn't work for over a year until just now. All the praise in the world should be heaped upon to your wonderful wife that she obviously took up the slack so that you could get your chit together. That could not have been easy to do on her part.
Good luck and congratulations.
My daughter is a chef in a very busy kitchen and its been said that ADD people(she is) make great kitchen workers and servers as it is so fast paced. Never a dull moments in her kitchen for sure. The business does seem to attract many people with drug problems so be careful.
Congrats on the job - hope it's exactly what you're wanting!
You did well. It's nice to see that your Past had little to do with your Future. It's just so cool.
Thank you much you guys. I mean it.
They have me working a lot. 11 days in a row this go around.
Lord Jesus have mercy it's a lot to learn. My anxiety has been though the roof. But... i just started so it's normal I guess.
well guys, today was day 3 in the kitchen. (i offically started my job monday but that was all orientation, and tuesday was mostly orientation with a little time in the kitchen. Wednesday was my first full day in the kitchen)
guys, i am stressed to the max over this new job. it is so overwhelming. as the cook in an institution (i guess youd call a nursing home an institution?) anyways as a cook in a nursing home you are preparing food for, in my case, 180 people. they all dont get the same meal either. you have your main meal, your alternate meal, and "others"
the menu changes daily, and it goes in a 5 week cycle, so for 35 days you have a different meal each day, (and alternate meal) then it repeats itself.
so its day 3 in the kitchen and im being trained by a cook thats been there a little over a year. hes really good at what he does and has been an excellent teacher.
all this said, im stressed dudes. among my mental illnesses one thing i have is generalized anxiety disorder. i stress, i worry, i brood, i get afraid, i lock up....
now, again all this said, it was only day 3 today, how am i supposed to know much of anything about how to do this job other than the 3 times I watched someone else do it (although yesterday he had me doing a lot, but he was there guiding me every step.
heres the kicker and the reason im so overwhelmed.... they want me doing this by myself on Wednesday this coming week. its no way in hell ill be ready. thats a total of one weeks training.
ive been worrying over it every night, bad... my anxiety has been terrible. my appetite is gone, i dont sleep well, my stomach is in knots, i keep a steady headache.
my fear is i go in there Wednesday, look at the production sheet (which is very confusing) and lock up, cold dead anxiety attack waiting to happen. ... if that happens ill be debilitated.
so i talked it over with my dad this morning on the phone and his advice was to just be 100% straight up honest with my supervisor, not beat around the bush and tell her exactly how i was feeling.
so i did.
i talked to her right after punching in today, i asked to speak to her in the office. i expressed my concerns and told her that Wednesday, i would not be ready yet. i let her know about the great anxiety its caused me, and even told her that the thought had crossed my mind that i might not be able to do the job.
my self confidence has always been an issue. i dont believe in myself like i should. i get it in my head that i cant do something and i harp on that over and over, brooding about possible failure.
anyways, back to the conversation with my supervisor. i told her it was no way id be ready Wednesday, even if i have someone working in the kitchen in a different area that i could ask questions to, it would not be enough because id have an absurd number of questions, short of saying, hey come tell me step by step what to do... and they cant dedicate that much time to helping me because they have their job to do (its a lot of jobs in the kitchen, its probably 10 of us in there at any given time)
oh another reason im experiencing anxiety... im not a cook. never have been. dont know shxt about cooking. the only thing ive ever cooked was a frozen pizza.... i didnt apply for the cook position, i applied as a dietary aid. they came and pulled me out of orientation and asked if i wanted a full time position as a cook, and excitedly of course i said yes. its better pay and better hours.
so i told my boss im not ready. i told her i would need a lot more trainting. she said she could work with me. i told her id need a LOT more training. i am JUST now starting to have even an inkling of how this job works and its taken me 3 days to get there. im not a fast learner, i am dyslexic and that makes learning new things hard for me.... but once i catch on and it clicks i can do it better than just about any once else. im not a dumb person or "slow" as many people believe dyslexics to be. (Albert Einstein was dyslexic)
if you cant tell guys i cant even put a string of thoughts together, thats how ive been since i started the new job.
lack of sleep has been hell on me, and my nerves have been so bad ive been shaking like a cat sxhitting razor blades.
so anyway, yeah i talked to my boss and said look i cant do this job by myself yet. i need someone looking over my shoulder guiding me.... for a while. a long while. she said ok, how about a month. i told her a month and a week lol.... she paused and said ok.
i feel like i can probably grasp it in that time. and if not, well maybe its not my calling?
we still have to run it by the administrator on tuesday, but she said she will see what she can do. if they cant work with me im going to be honest and tell the, hey look, i dont get extra training, come Wednesday its gonna be a whole lotta hungry people around here.
so i hope the administrator will ok the extra training.
on a positive note, after working 11 days in a row ill have a nice pay check. i think i might spoil myself and buy this guitar from rondo music that ive been wanting.
I know how you feel. every time I go into a new job I stress like its the end of the world.
remember, you can always walk away. your mental health is not worth putting on the sidelines for a job. at my last job they put me to work with no training what so ever. luckily I worked with a friend so he showed me the ropes and briefed me before I started. at first I was stressed but once I started to get the hang of things I did feel a higher sense of accomplishment.
Ryan (it's Ryan, right?),
I am about to fall asleep texting here but I have to tell you to hang in there, buddy. You can do it. So often, we are our own worst enemy and we tell ourselves a poisonous lie: "I can't."
Tell yourself, "I can't yet."
Speaking up to your boss was actually a good thing. It's called self-awareness and self-advocacy. But here's the crucial thing, dude: you have to hold on to that attitude that you can do it . . . with more training.
"I can't yet, but I can do it with some more training."
Practice saying that in front of a mirror. Absolutely not bshitting you here. Practice saying it. Stay positive.
(You are being hard on yourself, Ryan. You say in your post that you can barely string thoughts together, but the thing is, that post is really well written and you were stringing thoughts along just fine.)
You got this. I will.post in thenmorning again. Goodnight
Bling congrats on the job and the promotion right off the bat. Hang in there man, you will do OK. Like TRex above said just keep saying to yourself that you can do it and that everything will be OK. Just try to say calm and once you get some more training in you'll see it come together. Remember to take a deep breath when you need to. You'll be just fine Bling, I know you will.
I echo the 3 posts above.
You've done the very best thing by honestly speaking out to your boss. Probably the hardest part of whats to come, and you're over it. (I have managed teams of engineer's over the years and have always stressed that I need to be able to trust them (and them me), and they / I need to demonstrate this with their honesty. I have far more respect for someone who, for example, reports a broken / damaged tool, regardless of the reason, than someone who replaces it in the stores for someone else to find).
By your well written post, you can clearly articulate your feelings well and, IMHO, good communication is the key to solving a lot of problems. Any competent manager should understand that.
It must be daunting to be presented with the challenge (no, lets call it an opportunity) of cooking all those meals. I struggle to prepare a roast dinner for just me and Mrs Drawers! I can cook with no problems, it's the timing to have it all prepared at the right time, that stumps me. "Cold carrots again?!!" she often says.
The employer has obviously seen something in you to make them want to take a chance. No disrespect, but I've interviewed many people and regardless of the CV and how well they interview, there is a large element of luck that the successful applicant will fit into the organisation from the off, if at all.
(Not wanting to be negative, but talk to the other employees, try to find out (discreetly) how many cooks the place has had in the last couple of years. If they've had one or two, fine. If the've had a dozen, the alarm bells should be ringing. There could be a history of poor management and you're just the latest in a long line. I hope / expect i'm wrong, but it is worth finding out before you invest a lot of time with them).
Remember, they came to you with the opportunity of promotion, knowing you're not a cook / chef. If they are serious about your development, they should be providing the support / training to help you make the best of it, not just drop you in the deep end.
Stay positive and try to work with them. Make suggestions on how you feel they can support you. If they'll let you, offer to put in a few extra hours (unpaid, if necessary, to show you're serious about making a go of it), to practice new skills in the environment you'll be working in.
I assume there are other cooks? that you wouldn't be expected to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner in a day, split shifts?) Speak to them, offer to pop in and shadow them, over and above the official training. Go out for a drink / coffee with them and (informally) learn from their experiences.
Talk to the other employees, not just in the kitchen, engage with them. You'll be working alongside them day in, day out and, essentially, there is a team effort to to run that place.
Not preachin', but generally, the bigger the effort you put in, the greater the reward.
I really hope this goes well. It will be a measure of the management in how they respond. YOU have done the most difficult thing, by opening up. THEY now have to respond accordingly.
If they are good employer, they'll work with you, I'm not saying it will be easy and you'll have to put the hard yards in. If they don't accept your situation, it may be for the best and that you move along, (however hard that may be).
Bling, I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much guys. You Reay gave me some good insight. .. thank you.
Listen man, first, great job on getting the job, showing the initiative, and caring enough to sell yourself short to your boss.
EVERYONE gets that awful feeling you get - just don't worry. Confidence is mostly "meh what could possibly go wrong?" Even though you know all the things that could possibly go wrong, "fuck it"
What I like to do is start at a point of failure. In this case: "I could already not have/quit this job, and they could still be looking for someone to fill the position."
Whats the absolute worst thing that can happen if you make a mistake? food borne illness, thats it. thats the worst thing and its cake to avoid. That is not something to be anxious about because there are clear, rational guidelines to meet, and a kitchen thermometer to set your mind at ease, no thought required. The majority of food borne illness with the type of food youll be serving is a little nausea or pooping. You're not in there making medium rare steaks and seared ahi for these people - its gonna be FINE.
Label everything immediately, but you'll have to do that anyway. You seem at least as OCD as me, so you won't forget to label. Put the label on the container before you put the food into it. Then put it in the cooler and don't worry. Thats it. Hard part- DONE.
So you forget to order food, so you forget to start the food on time, so you cook food and the people don't like it, so you burn the food and its all ruined.
Who cares? lost food cost, inconvenient, but who cares?? backup sandwiches FTW.
I don't mean to sound flippant, but thats the attitude you have to have at work. Your everyday care free running around enjoying life and exploring opportunities. Its healthy to have these jitters, and you just have to push through them. You'll learn to not sell yourself short, just fake it for now. Soon you'll learn everyone is faking it.
its a job you can grow in, the failures won't be catastrophic, no one is going to go hungry you can always buy more food with the companies money.
-----know if you weren't the best man for the job, you wouldn't have that job. -----
new focus: go in, just do your best and don't worry. When you worry, you cant do your best, and you're failing before you start. Start at a place of failure, and there is no pressure, only success.
So you ruin the food. People won't go hungry, they'll just be delayed or inconvenienced, they'll get over it. These guys are probably used to eating such bland food it won't be a problem.
Heres a secret, you cook it like you want to eat it, and you'll have people that don't like it anyway. Whatever. You make something, you get feedback, you make something else. some of those ole people will never like the food no matter what you do, some would eat paste and think you're a saint.
There are people a thousand times more incompetent than you are, who don't give a crap and are cooking for people for a living every day. These people go to work sick, drink morning til night and don't pay much attention to anything. You're put in this job to be yourself, relax, and make "your extended family" a healthy meal.
It'll be ok, if you freeze up, someone will fix it, you can fix it later. someone can order food. If its not for you, you can leave and they can find someone else, you covered them for a while.
If an old person has to eat right away, they can eat, thats what crackers and canned soup and sandwiches are for. Its really not a big deal.
Lastly, do a bad job, get fired, quit - still nothing to worry about just don't add it to your resume. This job cant hurt you.
This is about as good of advice is you could ever get right here.
Countless times over the years I've been so stressed out over projects or major issues that fell 100% on my shoulders to get done. But around 8 or so years ago much like what Rabidhamster said, it occurred to me... what can they do? They can't kill me, they can't take my family away from me, they can't take anything from me that really matters. Coming to realize that, my life has been much more enjoyable and so much less stress. It's hard not to worry about things sometimes, that's human nature. But a job can't hurt you unless you allow it to.
Well guys i feel like utter crap right now, but at the same time more relieved than ive ever been (because i dont have the stress of being the cook anymore)
they didnt approve the extra training at work. my supervisor talked to the administrator over the phone. they wanted me to be cooking by myself monday, with the availability of someone there to answer questions... by Wednesday, id be the lone ranger. (so they were actually cutting it short)
the meal we had to prepare today, acutally meals... were so overwhelming. i tried to find the stuff in the freezer and the cooler and i could not, even when i asked them where it was i still couldnt find it, and when i did find something id bring it out and ask them if it was the right thing, and it wasnt. they had to find everything for me.
i had no idea how to prepare any of it. alot of it i had never even seen or heard of before. my supervisor was preparing something and i had to ask "what is that?" so i just had to stand and watch them prepare it, and it was all so alien to me. ive never cooked before in my life, ive never even made a grilled cheese sandwich.
anyways, today was so overwhelming, when i learned about not being able to have the extra training i panicked, and continued to panic, until around lunch time i had a full blown panic attack, shortness of breath, shaking, blurry vision, the whole nine yards. im still recovering from it and its a miracle i can even think coherently to post this.
i told my supervisor i had/was having a panic attack, she almost called a nurse but i told her no. once i got my breath i told her i wanted to still work there, but not as a cook.
my supervisor got on the phone with the administrator and told her i said i absolutely could not do the cook position, and that i was having a panic attack and she was going to send me home.
they talked for a few minutes while i was sitting there, and she looked at me and said "can you work mornings?" i was puzzled because i thought they were going to fire me.
turns out they want to keep me and have me work a different position in the kitchen.
i feel so bad right now, like i gave up and gave in and tucked tail and ran... which basically is what i did.
i want to work there though. i want to contiune to work in the kitchen, but just not as the cook.
my mental health.... god my mental health. i have to take care of myself mentally. i hate to use my mental illness as a crutch, but ill be honest guys, having dyslexica, bipolar II/schizoaffective disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, along with being an addict (in recovery) makes life, not so easy at times.
so here i am.... admitting defeat. i feel so bad, i apologized to my supervisor over and over, she gave me a hug and told me it was going to be ok. she said to call them tuesday when the administrator was there and they would figure something out.
i asked again "so i still have a job?" and she said yes. not to worry.
i just couldnt do it guys. it was too much mentally.
so if they dont change their minds, ill be working for them part time (thats what my supervisor told me) ... which i can deal with. it will give me extra days where i can build pedals. my dream is to grow my pedal business big and have my boosters commonly known by guitarist at large. i feel like thats my calling honestly.
Do the other deal for a while, get comfortable with the place and then give it another go.
Sounds like you're in a good place.
The job wasn't for you. That's fine. It's not defeat.
It's not the job you applied for. It's not the job you were hired for.
I wouldn't be able to "go it alone" on the sandwich line in Burger King in the training time you got.