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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:34 PM   #1 (permalink)
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If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Do you just walk away?

I am soo very close right now....

Apologies, I will discuss it with my partner when she gets home..
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Counseling. Sounds like a mediator is needed, though you are being rather vague.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Yes
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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Counseling. Sounds like a mediator is needed, though you are being rather vague.
Im not going to counselling with my mother!

Sorry for being vague, just trying to weigh up what I should be typing in a public fora.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

I have disowned several people in my family, sometimes some people are just hurtful
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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I have disowned several people in my family, sometimes some people are just hurtful
Thats my mother. Shes very hurtful, I dont think she will ever realise just how much...

Ive tried to talk to her. She's like jekyll & Hide, on form such a laugh, when she feels like it, a complete monster.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

You can choose your friends, not your family.

If you have a complete bastard that brings you nothing but grief, I see nothing wrong with disassociating yourself with them--

There are members of my family that I have nothing to do with because they are liars, criminals and scumbags--No dishonor in avoiding these sorts of people, even if they are related to you--
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:45 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

I have disowned my parents. They are nothing but hurtful people that bring pain to my life. It's not worth it. Live your life and never look back.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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I have disowned my parents. They are nothing but hurtful people that bring pain to my life. It's not worth it. Live your life and never look back.
Thanks Zoomzilla, that post reads like light at the end of a very dark tunnel to me right now. Thankyou.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:50 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Your mother? Yeah, that's a tough one. My mom often says shit that crosses the "mind your own business line". Thankfully, she can handle me being blunt with her and she will apologize if she's in the wrong. My wife's mother though? No matter how tactful you try to be, she turns on the waterworks. That doesn't negate the fact that she needs that bluntness. If she's going to act like a child, that's her problem.

I'd say the same advice applies to your mother. She clearly feels that she has the right to speak her mind, so I'd say she's fair game. Don't beat around the bush. If she can't handle it, like I said, that's her problem. No matter the outcome, she will eventually think about what you've said. If she wants nothing to do with that, it's her loss.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:50 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Live YOUR life bro.... when it's time to fly, you gotta fly....
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:52 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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I have disowned my parents. They are nothing but hurtful people that bring pain to my life. It's not worth it. Live your life and never look back.
I hear ya, but the OPs mom might be yelling at him because he didnt clean his room and instead of buying him that Custom he wanted she just bought him a Standard.

*MOnster*

Or it could be really bad. Im a little jaded lately dealing with my nephew who blames everyone and everything for his screw ups. Hes on a bad road.

OP I wouldnt be disowning anyone at this moment if I were you. lol.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:53 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

I'm in the middle of dealing with a ton of hurt and downright drama with my sister. It's incredibly tempting to walk away for good.

My wife and I spent a great deal of Saturday (about 5 hours) hashing things out with her because there was apparently some built up malice toward us. This all started after she had deleted us as her facebook friends, we asked her what was up, and she spewed. Mature, right?

That being said, I am all too tired of this dramatic and ridiculous pattern that has occurred too often and I know will continue. It sucks, but it is worth all the effort my wife and I are putting into the relationship even if it is one-sided.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

I dont beat around the bush Jason, but I will not resort to her level of really nasty personal attacks. I could never win that kind of battle with her anyway. She is amazingly skilled at picking horrible nasty things to say to try and make her stance on things seem legitimate.

All this comes at a very bad time as I am to marry in June. This is where some of the problems are lying, now she has resorted to phoning me up, saying horrible things, then hanging up. I feel like when I lived at home all those years ago, under a threatened cloud..

I flew over 10 years ago Blake, it felt like "freedom"!
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:56 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Quote:
Originally Posted by L60N View Post
Do you just walk away?

I am soo very close right now....

Apologies, I will discuss it with my partner when she gets home..
Its funny this point was brought up today. I dealt with some stuff over the weekend and as I pondered my actions I realized I took the high road and when the dust settled I wasnt the one that looked like the ASS.

In every Mother, Father/Son relationship someone has to be the adult.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 12:57 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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Originally Posted by v8ko View Post
I hear ya, but the OPs mom might be yelling at him because he didnt clean his room and instead of buying him that Custom he wanted she just bought him a Standard.

*MOnster*

Or it could be really bad. Im a little jaded lately dealing with my nephew who blames everyone and everything for his screw ups. Hes on a bad road.

OP I wouldnt be disowning anyone at this moment if I were you. lol.
Hi V8ko,

Im a 32 year old man, with a very warped mother to deal with.

I shouldnt have typed this here. Its highly personal, im just at my PC with nobody to air my problems with right now, and put it in the wrong place. Sorry.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:01 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

My wife's father was a real piece of shit, he's been disowned. He's off dying of cancer somewhere with his codependent partner. He was texting and calling us, drunk, at 12-3 in the morning, when we had a 3 month old baby! For some reason, he thought we were after his trust fund... At one point, he left a message bragging about his new pickup truck he'd just bought and saying that my wife could kiss his ass. Not once did he ever spend time with his new grandson.

So yeah, sometimes family members do need to FOAD.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:01 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Sorry if sharing my own short story annoyed anybody.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:04 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Quote:
Originally Posted by JM Vasek View Post
I'm in the middle of dealing with a ton of hurt and downright drama with my sister. It's incredibly tempting to walk away for good.

My wife and I spent a great deal of Saturday (about 5 hours) hashing things out with her because there was apparently some built up malice toward us. This all started after she had deleted us as her facebook friends, we asked her what was up, and she spewed. Mature, right?

That being said, I am all too tired of this dramatic and ridiculous pattern that has occurred too often and I know will continue. It sucks, but it is worth all the effort my wife and I are putting into the relationship even if it is one-sided.
Was this something related to Facebook or some kind of I.M. talk? Years ago I gave up "chatting" online to friends/family, seems like people can take a simple sentence and get it all screwed up.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:04 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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....sometimes family members do need to FOAD.
FOAD?

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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:05 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

Just trying to say something harsh in a polite manner, D.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:11 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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Hi V8ko,

Im a 32 year old man, with a very warped mother to deal with.

I shouldnt have typed this here. Its highly personal, im just at my PC with nobody to air my problems with right now, and put it in the wrong place. Sorry.
As the page grew I got the sense you werent a teenager lol.

Some people are just hurtful. My brothers ex-wife is a very, very bad mother. If your moms anything like her you should consider telling her :Look Im getting married. IF you have a problem with that and continue to have a problem with it between now and then I cannot allow you to be at my wedding.:

FYI I wont allow my daughter (now 17) to be alone with my father in the same room (not that I have to worry about them seeing each other). Hes a nutcase, a real bad person. So I understand where your coming from.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:14 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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Was this something related to Facebook or some kind of I.M. talk? Years ago I gave up "chatting" online to friends/family, seems like people can take a simple sentence and get it all screwed up.
Oh no, that was her way of dealing with the fact that she was upset with us - a way of severing ties I guess. It wasn't a typed conversation or anything that could be taken out of context.

My sister is 31 and acts more immature than my junior high students do. Pathetic, really. Arguing with her is such a challenge as she can't seem to connect ideas and immediately takes things out of context.

L6, only you can know if it's time to cut the ties to your mother. From what little you've disclosed I'm sure it's difficult to live with. Perhaps telling her that you're seriously considering being done with her forever could be a wake up call.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:16 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

I learned a very long time ago I can go through the rest of my life trying to figure out how to make others happy (especially family members)... or NOT!

I chose NOT and am much happier for that decision!
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:18 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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Sorry if sharing my own short story annoyed anybody.
You're letting that lespaulslider guy get to you
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:19 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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You're letting that lespaulslider guy get to you

Ooops, should have put an eye roll in there.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:22 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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Hi V8ko,

Im a 32 year old man, with a very warped mother to deal with.

I shouldnt have typed this here. Its highly personal, im just at my PC with nobody to air my problems with right now, and put it in the wrong place. Sorry.
There are a lot of kids out there that come to the internet because their mom did something that "they don't like." This is a different situation. If she's that horrible to you, do yourself a favor and don't listen to her. She's always going to be your mother, and will probably always be there, but some people just don't know how hurtful they are. Just tell her how bad she is and tell her that that is the reason you don't want to talk to her. Maybe the idea of losing you will be enough to change. If not, you're doing it for yourself, and you have to look out for yourself first.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:25 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

You know people seem to re-enforce the "family" matters thing. I never really understood it. People give birth to you so that is their connection, the rest is all society norms. Its very much like my relationship with my father, I hate him and then feel bad that i do or feel sorry for him being such an ass.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:27 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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You know people seem to re-enforce the "family" matters thing. I never really understood it. People give birth to you so that is their connection, the rest is all society norms. Its very much like my relationship with my father, I hate him and then feel bad that i do or feel sorry for him being such an ass.
For me, it's the fact of what my parents have done for me. My parents have been great parents to me, but not every parent is like that.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 01:30 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Re: If a member of your direct family continues to hurt you...

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You know people seem to re-enforce the "family" matters thing. I never really understood it. People give birth to you so that is their connection, the rest is all society norms. Its very much like my relationship with my father, I hate him and then feel bad that i do or feel sorry for him being such an ass.
They say that blood is thicker than wine, but I think love (or whatever you want to call it) is thicker than blood.
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