20 Hilarious School Exam Answers

V!N · 12-15-2009, 07:12 AM

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England. These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink ?
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed ?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans ?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on ?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections ?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids ?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q. What happens to your body as you age ?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty ?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination ?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour ?
A. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised ? (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U.

Q. What is the fibula ?
A. A small lie.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control ?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean section."
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure ?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness ?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word "benign" mean ?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is a turbine ?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

Custom53 · 12-15-2009, 07:13 AM

Too funny...!

Donal · 12-15-2009, 07:18 AM

very good

Looks like England is really going downhill at the moment

Don

Tanman711 · 12-15-2009, 07:23 AM

I can top that. I had to do Map Testing this year, and one of the questions was over magazine sales. Adult magazines sell the best with over 30% of sales across the U.S.

Phil47uk · 12-15-2009, 08:22 AM

Great aren't they..

Funny you should post that Vin, coz a teacher gave me a sheet of those type of exam answers only the other day. I stuck it in my case to read later, but forgot about it till you posted this. I'll dig them out.

Mind you, I have had a few classic cases myself .
One kid who I gave some arpeggios to practise came in a week later and said " Sorry Sir, but I didn't have time to practise those archipelagos you gave me last week2...

Hemply · 12-15-2009, 08:34 AM

I took and exam yesterday GENDER: Psychological Perspectives

Answer to the final questions was: PENIS!

I see another A in my future!

Bowchickawowwow

Oh the question was:

Which of the following structures is NOT part of the internal genitalia?

a. testes
b. penis
c. fallopian tubes
d. seminal vesicles

Sgt.Pepper · 12-15-2009, 08:59 AM

When working as a teacher years ago, the homework for a group of 13 year olds was to describe an invention which had a profound impact. Most of them got the idea and talked about the industrial revolution etc... but one described the guillotine! and another wrote a page about Marie Curie discovering a cure for Rabbis! (Of course it was Louis Pasteur who first developed a vaccine for rabies, not Rabbis!)

type0 · 12-15-2009, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections ?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What is artificial insemination ?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. What is a turbine ?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

coldsteal2 · 12-15-2009, 01:31 PM

Those are awesome, and i Know they must be real

Al Bundy · 12-15-2009, 02:51 PM

Cookie-boy · 12-15-2009, 03:09 PM

There's some classics there!

thrawn86 · 12-15-2009, 03:13 PM

WIN!

V!N · 12-15-2009, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil47uk

Great aren't they..

Funny you should post that Vin, coz a teacher gave me a sheet of those type of exam answers only the other day. I stuck it in my case to read later, but forgot about it till you posted this. I'll dig them out.

Mind you, I have had a few classic cases myself .
One kid who I gave some arpeggios to practise came in a week later and said " Sorry Sir, but I didn't have time to practise those archipelagos you gave me last week2...

There are bound to be some great ones on that sheet !
Be sure to post them when you get the time to read them.

You should be glad your student didn't bring you any asparagus.

80's Rocker · 12-15-2009, 03:37 PM

" Q. How can you delay milk turning sour ?
A. Keep it in the cow. "

I laughed for a long time at that one!

Also that "find x" was hilarious!

Sven · 12-15-2009, 09:08 PM

Well, that's exactly what you get when the schools are concentrated on making students feel good rather than making them literate.

Jaypee319 · 12-16-2009, 12:01 AM

B is the new C, you'll see what I mean with this:

"The Answer is NOT always C" by Jeff Rosenberg on CollegeHumor

12-15-2009, 07:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
V!N Airis Guitarus Playeris Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Working on De-Railroad Posts: 3,773 Thanks: 62 Thanked 104 Times in 24 Posts	20 Hilarious School Exam Answers The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England. These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds. Q. Name the four seasons. A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink ? A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q. How is dew formed ? A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q. What causes the tides in the oceans ? A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on ? A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed. Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections ? A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q. What are steroids ? A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q. What happens to your body as you age ? A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty ? A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A. Premature death. Q. What is artificial insemination ? A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q. How can you delay milk turning sour ? A. Keep it in the cow. Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised ? (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U. Q. What is the fibula ? A. A small lie. Q. What is the most common form of birth control ? A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q. Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean section." A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q. What is a seizure ? A. A Roman Emperor. Q. What is a terminal illness ? A. When you are sick at the airport. Q. What does the word "benign" mean ? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q. What is a turbine ? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. __________________ I've been driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel.

12-15-2009, 07:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
Custom53 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus, Ohio Posts: 740 Thanks: 21 Thanked 10 Times in 5 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers Too funny...! __________________ Burny Les Paul Custom Phantom Bass 2004 Gibson Les Paul Standard 2002 Ernie Ball Axis Trans Gold 1995 Hamer Three Hole Duotone 1991 Ernie Ball EVH Trans Black 1981 Hamer Special Trans Green 1975 Ovation Breadwinner Black Marshall JTM Reissue Half Stack Marshall JMP 2203 Half Stack Marshall JCM 2000 TSL Half Stack Soldano HR50+ Half Stack Peavey Classic 100 Tweed Half Stack Peavey Butcher 120 Watt Half Stack 2 -Acoustic 370/301 Bass Rigs

12-15-2009, 07:18 AM	#3 (permalink)
Donal Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 2,989 Thanks: 3 Thanked 8 Times in 4 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers very good Looks like England is really going downhill at the moment Don __________________ Gibson Les Paul BFG Gary Moore Sig Guild Acoustic Epiphone SG (Mods: Gibson 498T & 490R Pickup's and Hardware) Epiphone Elitist J200 Acoustic Guitar .... and a few other noname electric's and acoustic's.

12-15-2009, 07:23 AM	#4 (permalink)
Tanman711 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 305 Thanks: 0 Thanked 10 Times in 5 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers I can top that. I had to do Map Testing this year, and one of the questions was over magazine sales. Adult magazines sell the best with over 30% of sales across the U.S. __________________ Gibson Les Paul Slash Signature GoldTop (Live/Recording Guitar) Gibson Les Paul 2009 Standard Light Burst (Live/Recording Guitar) Fender Deluxe Hot Rod Tube Amp Epiphone Les Paul Standard (Live Guitar) Gibson SG Standard (Live/Recording Guitar) Epiphone Les Paul Custom (Live Guitar) Guitar Rig Boss SD-1 Pedal Slash Signature Wah Boss Digital Delay

12-15-2009, 08:22 AM	#5 (permalink)
Phil47uk V.I.P. Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: ' England' Posts: 13,451 Thanks: 73 Thanked 659 Times in 119 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers Great aren't they.. Funny you should post that Vin, coz a teacher gave me a sheet of those type of exam answers only the other day. I stuck it in my case to read later, but forgot about it till you posted this. I'll dig them out. Mind you, I have had a few classic cases myself . One kid who I gave some arpeggios to practise came in a week later and said " Sorry Sir, but I didn't have time to practise those archipelagos you gave me last week2... __________________ 'Long tenons......Short tenons. When the drummer comes in, what the fuck does it matter'.

Today
Les Paul	Sponsored Links __________________ This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members. Register your free account today and become a member on My Les Paul Forums

12-15-2009, 08:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
Hemply Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 5,619 Thanks: 11 Thanked 166 Times in 42 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers I took and exam yesterday GENDER: Psychological Perspectives Answer to the final questions was: PENIS! I see another A in my future! Bowchickawowwow Oh the question was: Which of the following structures is NOT part of the internal genitalia? a. testes b. penis c. fallopian tubes d. seminal vesicles __________________ Elsewhere

12-15-2009, 08:59 AM	#7 (permalink)
Sgt.Pepper V.I.P. Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 771 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers When working as a teacher years ago, the homework for a group of 13 year olds was to describe an invention which had a profound impact. Most of them got the idea and talked about the industrial revolution etc... but one described the guillotine! and another wrote a page about Marie Curie discovering a cure for Rabbis! (Of course it was Louis Pasteur who first developed a vaccine for rabies, not Rabbis!)

12-15-2009, 01:31 PM	#9 (permalink)
coldsteal2 Rock Star Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Chico, CA Posts: 22,404 Thanks: 385 Thanked 73 Times in 19 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers Those are awesome, and i Know they must be real __________________ Mentaly on Vacation been rockin' out since 1966'

12-15-2009, 02:51 PM	#10 (permalink)
Al Bundy Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Sears Shoe Dept. Posts: 19 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers

12-15-2009, 03:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
Cookie-boy Premium Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Under the care, custody and control of Matron. Posts: 11,465 Thanks: 305 Thanked 1,126 Times in 263 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers There's some classics there! __________________ "Thanks for the mammaries!"

12-15-2009, 03:13 PM	#12 (permalink)
thrawn86 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Far Nor Cal Posts: 464 Thanks: 23 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers WIN! __________________ 2001 Gibson LP Studio Pewter, 2002 'Midnight 40' DSL, 1960B w/75's

12-15-2009, 03:37 PM	#14 (permalink)
80's Rocker Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: In a cheesy 80's video Posts: 958 Thanks: 20 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers " Q. How can you delay milk turning sour ? A. Keep it in the cow. " I laughed for a long time at that one! Also that "find x" was hilarious! __________________ 80's Rocker's Gear: Epiphone Les Paul Standard, ebony 1986 Marshall JCM 800 2204 2002 Marshall 1960 Cab Ibanez Tubescreamer, connected with monster cables. Charvel Model 1 '87 Kramer Baretta

12-15-2009, 09:08 PM	#15 (permalink)
Sven Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Dallas, Texas Posts: 512 Thanks: 13 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers Well, that's exactly what you get when the schools are concentrated on making students feel good rather than making them literate. __________________ Shut Up and Play Yer Guitar

12-16-2009, 12:01 AM	#16 (permalink)
Jaypee319 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: stuck in college Posts: 1,796 Thanks: 22 Thanked 7 Times in 5 Posts	Re: 20 Hilarious School Exam Answers B is the new C, you'll see what I mean with this: "The Answer is NOT always C" by Jeff Rosenberg on CollegeHumor __________________ ""You're not alone. Even through struggle- you're not alone."" My band/music page: (with music for chicks with braces for keeping it METAL) The Changing Of Times

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
I Sucked in school back in the day, I suck in school now lol!!!	needlespauls	The Backstage	12	12-01-2009 10:38 AM
Exam: Real or Fake #3 ANSWERS REVEALED!!!!!!!	Sinmastah	Epiphone Les Pauls	32	01-21-2009 02:20 AM
Exam Time!!! Arrrggghhhh!!!!!!!	Gunner	The Backstage	12	01-12-2009 08:56 PM
Exam: Real or Fake? #2 ANSWERS REVEALED!!!	Sinmastah	Epiphone Les Pauls	55	09-10-2008 03:29 AM
Exam: Real or Fake? Answers REVEALED!!!	Sinmastah	The Backstage	94	09-03-2008 01:18 PM

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode