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Unread 04-20-2013, 10:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Pauper's Funeral.

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost…
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:17 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Your heart is in the right place brother. God Bless you and the good we do in life is most certainly noticed by The Almighty. Good on you my friend. You must have sounded awesome.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

so wait...


this is just a joke right? the guys were laying septic tanks and it gets mistaken as a homeless guys grave?
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

You are a fine man my friend. As a young Lieutenant, I was placed on funeral duty. I completed about 8 funerals, for service members of multiple generations as the inspecting and awarding officer of the team. It was NEVER easy, and it was ALWAYS an honor. It taught me many important lessons, and on a few occasions I had to present the flag to a person who had never even met the deceased.

I later donned a uniform to receive an American flag for my little brother. Sometimes death is hard to understand for those who have never been branded by it's impact. You obviously understand it's meaning.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Oh hell, i'm sorry for any confusion this has caused. This was a joke, i found it funny and thought i'd share it with the peeps here.

On a side note, in the summer i often play at the local centotaph if i'm alone, acoustic in hand. I suppose as a thanks to those who never made it home. So i have in fact played for the dead. It is quite somber, but i do it every year none the less.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.



You guys are too much!

Great one, BTW (OP)!
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:49 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

As someone expecting to die homeless, alone, and with no family, I find this highly offensive. However it has reminded me to execute a pre-directive to prohibit the chance presence of Canadians.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PNB92 View Post
so wait...


this is just a joke right? the guys were laying septic tanks and it gets mistaken as a homeless guys grave?
Somebody else got it
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:57 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

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Originally Posted by brokentoeswalker View Post
Oh hell, i'm sorry for any confusion this has caused. This was a joke, i found it funny and thought i'd share it with the peeps here.

On a side note, in the summer i often play at the local centotaph if i'm alone, acoustic in hand. I suppose as a thanks to those who never made it home. So i have in fact played for the dead. It is quite somber, but i do it every year none the less.
Hmmm. Your concept of humor and mine are very different. Glad you got a laugh. I didn't.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 12:58 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

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Originally Posted by tex_lt View Post
Hmmm. Your concept of humor and mine are very different. Glad you got a laugh. I didn't.


here we go




everything ****ing offends somebody here. and then they gotta TALK about it for 37 pages
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:00 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

The joke wasnt that funny but the fact that some people are illiterate enough on this forum to think it was real is hilarious
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:01 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

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Originally Posted by Stealthtastic View Post
The joke wasnt that funny but the fact that some people are illiterate enough on this forum to think it was real is hilarious
That's actully the funniest part!

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Hmmm. Your concept of humor and mine are very different. Glad you got a laugh. I didn't.
I'm not usually into "death jokes", either. But, after reading through it a couple of times, I couldn't help but laugh.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:05 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

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Originally Posted by PNB92 View Post
here we go

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpwfvtv4lh1qdgu0s.gif


everything ****ing offends somebody here. and then they gotta TALK about it for 37 pages
I wasn't offended, I just stated that it wasn't funny. You have pointed out your fantastic ability to jump to conclusions.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:07 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

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Hmmm. Your concept of humor and mine are very different. Glad you got a laugh. I didn't.
I am really sorry, i had forgotten how the Brits call Americans Septic tanks and such, so i can now see how this could be taken badly. It was not intended that way at all. I apologize again. It was not meant to offend Americans in any way shape or form.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:08 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Wow, what a c*cksucker. I forget that there are @$$holes everywhere and there is at least one in every crowd.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:10 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

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You have pointed out your fantastic ability to jump to conclusions.

I wouldn't say it's fantastic, but its pretty good.

Saying "I don't find that funny" after someone tells a joke is a lot like saying "I wouldn't wear those jeans" after going shopping with your sister. Irrelevant, kind of irritating, and an expression of an opinion that nobody asked for. the fastest way to express your disapproval would be to just hit the "back" button on your browser. or at MOST tag the thread with "op cant funny lol"

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I am really sorry, i had forgotten how the Brits call Americans Septic tanks and such, so i can now see how this could be taken badly. It was not intended that way at all. I apologize again. It was not meant to offend Americans in any way shape or form.

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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:10 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brokentoeswalker View Post
I am really sorry, i had forgotten how the Brits call Americans Septic tanks and such, so i can now see how this could be taken badly. It was not intended that way at all. I apologize again. It was not meant to offend Americans in any way shape or form.
No worries, bro.

As an American, no offense taken.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:16 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Why was the guy being buried in a septic tank??







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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:17 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

I've named my turds before so I'm sure that there's one somewhere that will appreciate it.


Great big heart you have there.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:19 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PNB92 View Post
I wouldn't say it's fantastic, but its pretty good.

Saying "I don't find that funny" after someone tells a joke is a lot like saying "I wouldn't wear those jeans" after going shopping with your sister. Irrelevant, kind of irritating, and an expression of an opinion that nobody asked for. the fastest way to express your disapproval would be to just hit the "back" button on your browser. or at MOST tag the thread with "op cant funny lol"





I misunderstood the thread, but I am not offended, nor did I express irritation with the OP. I also don't give a fvck that I have irritated you.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:20 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

I got a good chuckle out of the joke brokentoes. Good one!
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:21 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tex_lt View Post
I am also don't give a fvck that I have irritated you.
damn, we got a scrapper ova here




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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:23 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brokentoeswalker View Post
I am really sorry, i had forgotten how the Brits call Americans Septic tanks and such, so i can now see how this could be taken badly. It was not intended that way at all. I apologize again. It was not meant to offend Americans in any way shape or form.
LOL
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Unread 04-21-2013, 01:26 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

I loled ... mofo had me fooled up to the end, damn it.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 02:55 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Saw it on FB about a month ago. I even read it to my wife. We both got a laugh.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 03:14 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LPSGME View Post
As someone expecting to die homeless, alone, and with no family, I find this highly offensive. However it has reminded me to execute a pre-directive to prohibit the chance presence of Canadians.


You too? I like the part about the Canadian's.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 03:29 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

It was funny brokentoes.
I'm a Brit and I didn't make the 'sceptic' link.
It was a good joke.
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Unread 04-21-2013, 08:54 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

I thought it was a real B.S story....... until the end
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Unread 04-21-2013, 09:09 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

Let's here another

Great joke
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Unread 04-21-2013, 09:25 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Re: Pauper's Funeral.

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Wow, what a c*cksucker. I forget that there are @$$holes everywhere and there is at least one in every crowd.
In the Backstage?!
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