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Unread 06-17-2011, 11:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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So a blind man walks into a bar...

...orders a drink and says, "Hey! Does anyone want to hear a blonde joke?" Then the woman next to him taps his shoulder and says, "Listen mister, I'm a bodybuilder, 5 foot 9 of pure muscle, and I'm blonde. The bouncer over there, he's a martial arts expert and his hands are registered as lethal weapons! He's blonde too! And the bartender, she's 6 foot 2, is a roller derby star and is also a blonde! So do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?" To which the blind man replies...

















"Well not if I gotta explain it three times!"
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Unread 06-17-2011, 11:42 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Did you hear about the two blondes who got killed out by Ojai?

It seems the were hiking when they came across a set of tracks.

"We need to be careful," said the first, "those look like bear tracks."

"No, those are bobcat tracks," said the other.

"You're wrong," said the first, and so the argument went, until a few minutes later, when the train came along and killed them both.
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Unread 06-17-2011, 11:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

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Unread 06-17-2011, 11:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...







.................................................. ...................................
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Unread 06-17-2011, 11:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

It is so!!!!

eta: I've only posted it six other times!
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Unread 06-17-2011, 11:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Oh, I see what the punchline is, there..
but sadly, the blind man couldn't :3
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Unread 06-18-2011, 12:05 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Reminds me of the time I was in a bar in Chicago and said, "Hey I got a Pollack joke for ya."

The barkeep says, "Hey kid, I'M Polish, and everybody in this bar is Polish."

"OK, I'll tell it slow!"
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Unread 06-18-2011, 12:05 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaypee319 View Post
Oh, I see what the punchline is, there..
but sadly, the blind man couldn't :3
Did you post something?


Good one sonar! Hahaha
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Unread 06-18-2011, 12:10 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

So Bigfoot, the lochness monster and the Easter bunny .... walk/ slther/ hop ....

into the new house they all just bought together ....

Bigfoot immediately hides in a closest... the Lochness thing slithers into the unkempt algae covered pool ......

and the Easter Bunny dumps an ounce a blow on the coffee table ... and does lines freely ... cause .... he knows no one believes he exists ....
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Unread 06-18-2011, 12:15 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Slacky View Post
So Bigfoot, the lochness monster and the Easter bunny .... walk/ slther/ hop ....

into the new house they all just bought together ....

Bigfoot immediately hides in a closest... the Lochness thing slithers into the unkempt algae covered pool ......

and the Easter Bunny dumps an ounce a blow on the coffee table ... and does lines freely ... cause .... he knows no one believes he exists ....





OOO.

Edgey!
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Unread 06-18-2011, 12:16 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Oh, Slacky.
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Unread 06-18-2011, 12:26 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus View Post
Oh, Slacky.
What ... ?

OK how bout dis ....

The Father, Son and Holy Ghost ...... are already there/ walk / already there maybe ... into a bar .........

Sorry I ain't gonna write the rest a dat one ... but you can be sure it was a brawl .... I still exist though
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Unread 06-18-2011, 12:32 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...


Two Armenian Nuns walk into a bar, sit down and one orders a White Russian,
the other orders a Vodka Collins. The Bartender prepares their drinks, and says,
“That will be $19.50” the Nuns pay with two tens. The bartender brings back
their change, and sets a quarter down in front of each of them, and says, “You
know, Sisters, we don’t get many Nuns in this bar.” The one Sister says…


























Wait for it…





























“At these prices, I’m not surprised!”


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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:00 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:17 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

http://www.ilovewavs.com/Effects/Mus...0-%20Loser.wav
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:25 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

So a guy that don't exist no more walks in to a bar .... the bar keep jokes as the man is thrown out .... how he is givin out wings with each bell ring of the register ....

What movie is that ?
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:27 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

edit
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:28 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Hey Slacky, how do you keep an asshole in suspense?
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:28 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus View Post
A not very funny one?
An introspective one ,,,
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:29 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus View Post
Hey Slacky, how do you keep an asshole in suspense?
Post some stupid sentence on a guitar forum,,,, sorry been drinkin ....
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:31 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Slacky View Post
Post some stupid sentence on a guitar forum
Perhaps.

eta: It's cool, bub. I've had a coupla tall colds m'self. No harm no foul.
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:33 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus View Post
Perhaps.
sorry ... give me a call ... 757 too late.... quick ,,,,
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Unread 06-18-2011, 01:46 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Soooooo, a termite follows the nuns inside an asked, "Is this bartender?"
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Unread 06-18-2011, 01:54 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

A Frenchman walks into a bar and he has a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot is wearing a baseball cap. And the bartender says, "Hey, that's neat — where did you get that?" And the parrot says, "France — they've got millions of them there."
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:04 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
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Unread 06-18-2011, 02:12 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Osama Bin Laden walks into a bar,with a pig on his head
The barman said "whats going on"
The pig replies
"Well,it started off as annoying wart on my Arse
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Unread 06-18-2011, 03:24 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Well, recently President Obama dispatched Bill Clinton, as a popular ex-President, to the Middle East, in the hope that he might find a way to peace there. Bubba's plane stopped in at Rome and picked up the Pope, who was to attend the summit as well; but the plane suffered engine trouble over the Mediterranean, and crashed into the sea, killing all aboard.

Naturally, the sudden rush of business caused a lot of confusion at the Pearly Gates, and in the confusion, Clinton was let into Heaven, while the Pope was sent to the Nether Regions.

Of course, the Pontiff was pretty hot about the screw-up, so when he got to Hell's Atrium he demanded a phone. The startled demon in charge handed him the Hotline, and when St Peter picked up, off the Pope went: "You %^*$! I spent my entire life a virgin, and this is the thanks I get?" and so on, until St Pete breaks in: "Your Holiness, listen, we made a mistake. Give me a few minutes, I'll get this straightened out, just you cool your heels. We're on it."

A few minutes later the phone rings, and the Pope is told he can make his way up to Heaven.

On the escalator going up, who does he happen to meet but Bubba coming at him on the down escalator. "I'm sorry you're going there, my son," says the Pope.

"Oh, it's okay, I'll be running that place in no time. How're you?"

"I'm thrilled to be finally meeting the Blessed Virgin."

Bubba gives his famous chuckle. "Heh, Your Holiness, you're about fifteen minutes late."
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Unread 06-18-2011, 03:35 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16.. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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Unread 06-18-2011, 03:39 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Slacky View Post
So a guy that don't exist no more walks in to a bar .... the bar keep jokes as the man is thrown out .... how he is givin out wings with each bell ring of the register ....

What movie is that ?
It's a Wonderful Life? Gotta be.
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Unread 06-18-2011, 03:55 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Re: So a blind man walks into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus View Post

Bubba gives his famous chuckle. "Heh, Your Holiness, you're about fifteen minutes late."
Oh no you didn't!
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